Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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massive retro cellphones

convenience is worth some effort
  (+11, -1)(+11, -1)
(+11, -1)
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I would be happier to see cellular phones everywhere if people were less blasé about them. This amazing technology should be matched by amazing craftsmanship, obtrusiveness, and bulk. In other words, cell phones should be 50-pound backpack-sized cabinets of carved mahogany covered with silver bells and 3-foot-long wispy antennae. Lugging one of these things around the city, while busily turning the hand-crank or shoveling coal into the engine, would really give you an appreciation for the wonders of the modern world.
hob, Feb 18 2002

illustration http://www.graphest...allery/hb/mrcp.html
Various styles, all classy, all massive. [hob, Feb 18 2002]

other retro cell phones, including some massive ones http://www.halfbake...etro_20Cell_20Phone
Not sure how I missed this. Sorry. [hob, Feb 19 2002]

Nokia 9000 http://www.nokia.com/phones/9000/
really small; should be the size of a house. [hob, Feb 19 2002]


       we have to use metric now, what is 50lb in kilos?
po, Feb 18 2002

       Whoops. Say 22 kilos with a one-meter antenna. Really it wouldn't have to be so heavy as long as it's extremely large.
hob, Feb 18 2002

       Would keep the idiots from using them while driving, too...
StarChaser, Feb 18 2002

       Actually, in areas which lack digital service and are far away from the nearest cell tower, some of the old "bag phones" can be much better than any of the handhelds, since they are allowed to transmit with up to three watts of power while handhelds are limitted to 3/4 watt.   

       And having a handcrank generator for use when the batteries are dead could be a nice bonus, especially if it had a mechanism like the "Freeplay" radio where the user winds up a spring which then unwinds to provide power as needed.
supercat, Feb 18 2002

       I hadn't seen that other one in the "cell phone shapes" category (see link) but I will still defend the non-redundancy of this idea; the important part to me is that it's an aesthetic and moral necessity that they be really big. Similarly it seems right and proper to me that the old computers with their pocket-calculator abilities took up three whole rooms, because if you think about it, a pocket calculator is really pretty terrifyingly powerful... not really appropriate for a pocket.
hob, Feb 19 2002

       [Supercat] - May I be the first person to point out that not only is a wind up mobile phone charger Baked, but it should be on the market if you search hard enough. 30 seconds winding gived enough charge for a 5 minute phone call.   

       [Hob] - You've not seen the Nokia 9000 communicator have you???   

       [Starchaser] - people would still use them whilst driving... they would simply put them on the passenger seat.
CasaLoco, Feb 19 2002

       [CasaLoco] The antenna is meant to be large enough to prevent this -- plus the difficulty of cranking while driving (or clouds of steam filling the car if it's a steam-powered model).   

       Not sure if you want me to be impressed with the Nokia's smallness or if, as so many Palm-crazed modernists would, you think it's too big...
hob, Feb 19 2002

       Retro is good - just so long as we don't return to retro receptions. I had a "brick" once. I had to drive to the middle of the Tay bridge to make/receive calls.
mcscotland, Feb 19 2002

       Unfortunately, most consumer products are already designed for creatures from another world. Which means somewhere across the galaxy there's an unimaginably strange being trying to figure out the beautiful VCR that was designed for me.
hob, Feb 20 2002

       Halfbaked by Dom Jolly on TriggerHappy TV (UK series). One of his stunts is to dress as a businessman and wander the streets armed with a giant mobile phone, into which he bellows at the top of his voice.
DrBob, Feb 20 2002

       [hob] I think you've uncovered something pretty fundamental here, it's so blindingly obvious but we've never spotted it before. Indeed, most products are designed for creatures from another world. It's been this way forthe last 15 years and no-one could ever understand why designers weren't producing things for human beings. Now that you've uncovered the secret, it's obvious that they are being influenced by another race who are just getting everything prepared for them in advance ......
juanmanandez, Feb 20 2002

       Dr Bob: As opposed to someone who bellows into a normal sized cellphone at the top of their lungs?
StarChaser, Feb 22 2002

       <grin> Yes. He deliberately seeks out serene and quiet areas to do his totally unnecessary bellowing in.
DrBob, Feb 22 2002

       I meant 'like people DON'T normally bellow at the top of their lungs into their cellphones'.
StarChaser, Feb 23 2002


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