Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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run-through-the-woods-naked modesty umbrella

…for those "at one with nature" moments
  (+30, -3)(+30, -3)(+30, -3)
(+30, -3)
  [vote for,

I woke this morning in an over-heated bedroom to the sound of gentle rain pitter-pattering onto the pavement outside. it sounded heavenly and I was consumed by an urge to run naked in the garden, bathing as I did so in nature’s own refreshing power shower.

my neighbours however would most probably be thankful that I resisted the urge and had a cup of tea and a cold bath instead.

however, it did get me thinking about how I have never had the opportunity to run naked through the woods or down the high street come to that, rain or no rain and surely this must be one of those experiences that a human being has at least once in their lives.

so I set to designing my very own run-through-the-woods-naked modesty umbrella. my design goes along the lines of an uncovered bog standard umbrella with the metal prongs covered in water-proof plastic. a large ring (like a hula-hoop) would be attached to the base of the umbrella dome at prong level with curtain rings running freely along its length.

a material curtain could thus be suspended from the curtain rings in the manner of that surrounding a hospital bed. I suggest a waterproof material otherwise this contraption may get very heavy indeed.

the naked user may then adjust the curtain as circumstances demand; a completely open to view, a saucy glimpse of a bit of thigh, back and / or front view hidden and a 360° all-round modesty mode with a see-thru pocket at eye-level so that you don’t fall over and make a complete prat of yourself.

(guttering is optional)

po, Oct 25 2005

Similar to that last sentence. Islambrella
All round modesty with a see-thru bit. Not as much variety or entertainment though. And the name was nowhere near as catchy. [hidden truths, Oct 25 2005]

(?) Run through the rain naked http://british-natu....org.uk/beaches.asp
Heck, it always rained when I went to the beach in Britain, I can't imagine the climate has changed that much. [DrCurry, Oct 25 2005]

(?) po at Wimbledon http://www.newemoti...mmagini/hotb3_2.jpg
Who knew it ever stopped raining? [DrCurry, Oct 25 2005]

start with this... http://www.wrapwith.../Thumbs/I1016cr.jpg
wandering into Gizmo, his mum's territory now - I wonder how they are? [po, Oct 25 2005]

See [klaatu]'s annotation Anti-unrequited-love_20drug
Would be useful the <magic cure for everything>. [nineteenthly, Oct 26 2005]

po and friends http://www.artlex.c...n%20the%20Grass.jpg
From the last London Half-con, I guess. [DrCurry, Oct 30 2005, last modified Oct 31 2005]

Ray Stevens' famous song from 70's - YouTube http://www.youtube....watch?v=eIPv9AtZ2zE
[Dub, Oct 31 2005, last modified Nov 14 2008]

Me? I'm just a lawn mower - you can tell me by the way I walk ... https://www.youtube...watch?v=y1tFQMjc-IE
[normzone, Apr 11 2020]


       Sorta reminds me of Cousin Itt :)
skinflaps, Oct 25 2005

       Absolute genius. +
salachair, Oct 25 2005

       I dunno. I think you should just run through the garden naked, neighbors be damned.   

       Cast aside your Englishness, po, and don't be a prude!
DrCurry, Oct 25 2005

       //you're probably not even running//   

       just run around inside it.
skinflaps, Oct 25 2005

       i think making it permeable, and letting it gain weight as u run through a courtain of rain/ or as u just sweat, would bring the chance of the so called umbrella to drag u down to the grownd gradually till u drop dead tired and are forced to take it off or just hopelessly fall to the ground with all ur energy depleted, with no more to do than wait for the search party to rescue u. i think that would be a lot more fun than wearing an impermeable courtain.   

       po got her bun for the... wait a minute, there are naturists everywhere already; the running naked while it rains is baked; i don't get it. when did an attitude towards any kind of activity started being called an idea anyway ?
sweet, Oct 25 2005

       You go, po.
normzone, Oct 25 2005

       Such wonderful things happen in po's garden, it should only be viewed by paying customers anyway. Put up the walls, hang a "temporarily closed" sign over the gate, and go enjoy. Do keep your towel under an umbrella, though.
lurch, Oct 25 2005

       I recommend a mask. It allows all of the benefits of nakedness, and anonymity. You can pretend you are a superheroine!
bungston, Oct 25 2005

       I can thoroughly recommend running naked. I cannot say the same about cold baths.
wagster, Oct 25 2005

       I don't need to pretend, bung.   


       UB, put a space between Po & diva for clarity.
po, Oct 25 2005

       I'm with [DrC] on this one - you're bemoaning the fact that you: //have never had the opportunity to run naked through the woods or down the high street come to that// Rubbish! Every day you've had use of your legs and the run (pun intended) of the house and the neighbourhood, this opportunity has been glowering at you, silently mocking you for your inability to seize it by the throat and show it who is boss.

The answer to this problem is not to produce some solution (however admirably impractical and overblown) to replace clothes, but just to pick a night where you feel good about it, and go and scamper about pink as the day you were born :)
DocBrown, Oct 25 2005

       you just want to get me arrested - damn you! - you freak ;)
po, Oct 25 2005

       sorry to jump in so late, I don't want any encumberances when I streak, which I don't but whooosh I could. Hey I did streak in 1973, a skinny boobless bimbo in an all-girl school. It was wierd but ever so freeing. that's freeing, not freezing.   

       ps. try not to think about it.
dentworth, Oct 25 2005

       What a very British invention - clothing for nudists people.   

       Clothing laws are silly anyway. Running around naked is a victimless crime, and should be allowed/encouraged in any civilised society. Run free, [po], and slap any police officer that tries to stop you.   

       (oh, and alcohol helps)
Worldgineer, Oct 25 2005

       I'll give you two buns.
dentworth, Oct 25 2005

       //surely this must be one of those experiences that a human being has at least once in their lives//   

       I get those feelings...except they never really go away.
jellydoughnut, Oct 26 2005

       I once spent twelve hours at work, stark bollock naked.
wagster, Oct 26 2005

       are you an artist's model or some other kinda artist?
po, Oct 26 2005

       No, and yes, several.
wagster, Oct 26 2005

       You've got cat-envy, po! You're envious that your cat(s) can get away with it whenever they want...
Dub, Oct 26 2005

       [UnaBubba]<comment deleted by author on decency grounds>
Dub, Oct 26 2005

       So you can run around in your garden now? Well done, dear, you have been working hard!
egbert, Oct 28 2005

       So, po, where are the pictures?!
DrCurry, Oct 29 2005

       I can see this working when running around the garden ... but last time I was in a forest there were branches, roots, trees and gullies all over the place. I think 50 meters in a wet forest using this contraption would result in a sure ... stumble, trip, slide, spread, stuble and bump .... [+] for the image.
ixnaum, Oct 29 2005

       My guy pranced, and what a buck he was...
blissmiss, Oct 29 2005

       I think this product idea would be great as a class room challenge in a marketing course. Figuring out how to sell it would be at least as much fun as thinking it up or using it.
James Newton, Oct 29 2005

       //My guy pranced, and what a buck he was...// send pictures.   

       eggy, I cut the grass.   

       welcome, J.N.
po, Oct 29 2005

       po, the naked man in the forest, circa 2002. Lunchtime, when I worked in cubicle hell. Didn't get pictures, though the image will be forever etched in my mind.
blissmiss, Oct 29 2005

       Left me speechless. But I thought everyone knew that ;-)
blissmiss, Oct 30 2005

       you call him *my* guy? hah!
po, Oct 30 2005

       There's a hit song in there somewhere, I hope.
blissmiss, Oct 31 2005

       Will the lyrics contain the words "(Looka dat, looka dat)"? [link]
Dub, Oct 31 2005

       You sure a drinks umbrella won't work?
plynthe, May 28 2008

       [po], I knew this was you from the first paragraph.
normzone, May 28 2008

       Instead of an umbrella, use a lone-ranger mask so the neigbors would not be able to know whom to complain about.   

       el dueno
el dueno, May 28 2008

       Ah, this always brings a smile to my face.   

       Aw,... mind the brambles! Eeek!
Dub, May 29 2008

       I streaked, back when it was fashionable.
phoenix, May 29 2008

       I wish I'd been there.
po, May 29 2008

       Damn! Makes me miss those carefree days in the commune. [+]
Klaatu, May 29 2008

       One of the pro's to being in an all-male military unit is that I can take showers in the rain during field excersizes. One of the con's is it's an all-male unit.
MikeD, May 29 2008

       Or just wear a big hat, that's what I always do.
quantum_flux, Jun 27 2008

       Bump, because I cannot find any way in which this is not better than a mask.
lurch, Apr 10 2020

       //My guy pranced, and what a buck he was...// send pictures.   

       eggy, I cut the grass.   

       welcome, J.N. — po, Oct 29 2005   

       There's a hit song in there somewhere, I hope. — blissmiss, Oct 31 2005   

       The answer to that is simple - Please see link -
normzone, Apr 11 2020

       Oh, God. The naked man chasing me from in the woods I had almost forgotten about that. Not sure I understand the connection between that and "I Know What I Want", though. Maybe you would explain it for me.
blissmiss, Apr 11 2020


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