Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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silent food

for eating in cinemas
  [vote for,

well it's not silent food really it's more silent packaging, but 'silent food' would be a great brand name. range of sweets, crisps, ice-creams etc packaged in soft silent latexy bags that don't go scruunnncchhhh when you reach into them and shuffle your fingers around trying to find the last peanut ... no need to fear any more when a person comes to sit right behind you in an otherwise half-empty cinema and suddenly pulls out a bag of mints ... i doubt the food inside could be certified silent, since cinema favourites -- crisps, popcorn -- seem to be chosen for their intrinsic acoustic qualities, but by and large the food in the mouth is less disturbing than the bag in the hand. alternatively, or additionally: a "silent zone" in a cinema or theatre where you can only sit if you swear not to talk, eat, fiddle with programme, take mobile phone call etc. at all. ever. violators immediately removed by special steward, photographed, and refused re-entry ever again. (or fined, with fine distributed after performance to others in zone) and yes, of course you pay a premium to sit there.
acorrespondent, Aug 30 2002

Theatre Sniper http://www.halfbake...ea/Theater_20sniper
Check out hippo's link for an in depth analysis of noisy food packaging. [DrBob, Aug 30 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

NickTheGettingBetterAllTheTime attempted this http://www.halfbake...All-chewy_20popcorn
[po, Aug 30 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]


       And they would all watch silent movies. I read that as "laxety bags" so as to empty patrons and avoid any "Brrruhpp" during a sensitive, moving scene.
FarmerJohn, Aug 30 2002

       //a sensitive, moving scene.//

What, like Laurel & Hardy pushing that piano up all those steps?
DrBob, Aug 30 2002

       FarmerJohn - I read it as laxety too - was just about to look it up in my dictionary when your anno caught my eye.   

       I think a laxety bag would be much cooler.
salachair, Aug 30 2002

       Latexy bags would stink like rubber, but yes, I kind of like the idea. It occurs to me that you could put candy inside unlubricated condoms for a noiseless bag. Or rubber gloves. It also gives me an idea for a twisted Christmas stocking variant.
polartomato, Aug 30 2002

       It is my suspicion that theaters sell noisy food because they *want* you to hear it, and follow the Pavlov instinct to go get some of your own. It's the food they make all the money from, after all. Why do you think they show all those popcorn ads right before the movie? In fact, given how stinky popcorn is, why do you think they sell popcorn in the first place?
DrCurry, Aug 30 2002

       "They" (the powers that be that run theaters) avoid selling food in cellophane bags, opting instead for the less-piercing but still noisy "cardboard box." <Ooooooh. Aaaaah.> That way, when you buy outside cellophane candies, ya stick out like a ringing cell phone in a theater.
polartomato, Aug 30 2002

       Hot dogs are relatively silent, but I am sure some theatre somewhere also sells "Frito Pies".
BinaryCookies, Aug 30 2002

       The home-grown solution works: Blast the volume sky high and no one'll care if it's popcorn they're eating or dried scrambled eggs.
reensure, Sep 01 2002

       Why dont you just puree your snacks beforehand, then sip them slowly and silently with a simple straw.
jimk, Sep 03 2002


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