h a l f b a k e r y
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kept in miniature pens akin to lobster tanks. choose-your-own
with tongs, prepared anyway you like. makes beef a
finger-lickin'-good finger food a la drumsticks & wings. allows
for unprecedented beef-stuffing opportunities (go to town,
boys). medium sizes would be ideal for novel thanksgiving's
(??) Bonzai Kitty
This is a joke, but it basically maps out how you would expect to acheive your "bonzai cow" [finklestein, Sep 26 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
Bonsai Kitten - this one works
I think this is what the Fink intended (thanks Google) [lsenater, Sep 26 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
Beer Butt Chicken
Can you imagine what this might look like with miniature cows? [Guncrazy, Sep 26 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
[Worldgineer, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
||What are you gonna do, stick them in jars so they won't grow? Or just genetically modify them... I really quite dislike this idea.
||Yes, yes... Rabbit is potentially closer, if less novel (see
BunnyBurgers prank in mid-90's Spy Magazine), and lamb
isn't really choose-your-own like lobster (and too big)...
But what about the theoretical feasability of the idea?
(the exploration of which is, I gather, the purpose for
the halfbakery) I mean, they managed to breed ponies
down to the size of dogs... could it be done? Would it
require genetic engineering or simply vigourous animal
husbandry? How about some recepies? (e.g. taking
advantage of milk-filled udders to create built-in
creamy/cheesy gravy, etc.) Oh, and to what wire are you
referring, Snr. Bubba?
||Anyone who's ever made "beer-butt chicken", just because it looks so cool on a grill, has to have wondered what "beer-butt beef" would look like. This idea would make it both possible and practical to find out. Check out the link...
||I wasn't sure, when I read the title for this idea, whether we were going to be talking about miniature cows(Bonsai) or suicidally aggresive ones (Banzai). Either way, this gets a fishbone 'cause I'm a veggie [thumbs nose].
||The Dr. raises an intruiging point - perhaps the cows
could be both Bonsai AND Banzai? If they were
determinedly suicidal, could this address certain
vegitarian qualms about the unwillingness of most animals
to participate in their own consumption? (as opposed to
the cheerful anthropomorphized ones used to shill many
food products, all of which seem to approach the thought
of being eaten with relish (ahem); e.g. Charlie Tuna, etc.);
i.e. if that's what it really wanted, would it be so bad?
(see the talking cow in D. Adam's 'Restaurant at the end of
the Universe'); if it posed a threat, could eating it be
considered an act of self-defense?
||If nothing else, the prospect of kamikaze pygmy entrees
would certainly enliven even the most jaded restaurant
patron. Perhaps such miniature animals could even posses
unforseen health benefits, such as providing an antidote
to the troubling amounts of Bovine Growth Hormone
(BGH) we unknowingly ingest in our meat and dairy
products. Of course, this does not apply if you are a
macrobiotic vegan, in which case the cure is worse than
||And in regards to U-Bu's insights into boviculture, any
thoughts on whether regular pruning and meditative
attention might enable the minature cows to live 75-150
||I can't stand it. What an idea. It makes me think if the little cornish hens at the store. Breed me 10. My kids would have a blast chasing them around. Freaking MOOO.
||Do you have to check them at the gate or can you take them on board? I think the size of a cat would be prefect.
More later when I stop laughing.