Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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For $20 extra, you get to ride in the trunk.
  (+23, -3)(+23, -3)(+23, -3)
(+23, -3)
  [vote for,

A black limo drives up, carrying two thugs of imposing stature or at least bearing. They make their way into your place of residence or work, grab you, drag you out, shove you into the car, and make sure you stay there until you arrive at your chosen destination.

This service has the same purpose as setting an alarm on your PDA (Personal Digital Assistant, e.g. Blackberry) a little early in order to make it to a meeting or date, and perhaps calling a cab - but for very forgetful, distracted people, who nevertheless cannot bear or afford to have a human personal assistant.

You schedule the appointment yourself, in advance; nowadays, the negotiations could include an exchange of photographs or a brief reverse phone call to make sure the right person is picked up, and is picked up by the thugs they ordered. The service would have to be bonded to allow for the inevitable confusions.

Extras: advance surveillance - you don't have to tell us where to pick you up, we'll just follow you around until it's time to go.

jutta, Oct 09 2009

(??) "I QUIT!" Service _22I_20QUIT!_22_20Service
For RayfordSteele. [jutta, Oct 09 2009]

somewhat in the vein.. http://www.getmooh.com/
[daseva, Oct 14 2009]

Ultime Realite http://springwise.c...sure/ultimerealite/
Now an amped-up version available as a commercial venture for adventure seekers. [jurist, Mar 10 2010]


       wouldn't your workmates worry that you'd been kidnapped?
po, Oct 09 2009

       Yeah, I wondered about that. Maybe they'd call ahead or leave a card?
jutta, Oct 09 2009

       Lunch with a friend. I've been mortified all week.
jutta, Oct 09 2009

       Sounds like a great way to leave a job or spouse.
RayfordSteele, Oct 09 2009

       funny that, a friend of mine arranged to meet me for lunch last week and just didn't turn up. I might just book this service.
po, Oct 09 2009

       If you signed up for this service and the "grab" occurred randomly at a certain frequency , it may condition one to be more aware of their appointments.
leinypoo13, Oct 09 2009

       [jutta], can we help? We could contact your friend and demand a reasonable ransom, or something...
lurch, Oct 09 2009

       Just as the woman who arranged to have her ex-husband's house bulldozed, I can see this being used to get revenge by falsifying identity and setting up a pickup for an unaware person. The security measures would have to be pretty airtight.   

       It could be a fun way to leave a party.
normzone, Oct 09 2009

       I thought this was going to be a word invention. "Mmmm, he soooo thugxi!"
daseva, Oct 09 2009

       The service might be expanded: lunch thugs arrive with food and scowl menacingly to make sure you eat it (multigrain bread!), hair thugs show up and cut your hair, because you have been putting that off too long and they also trim your eyebrows for your own good, dental thugs throw you into a dental chair in the back of their van and drive around while you get your cleaning then let you off in the pine barrens.
bungston, Oct 09 2009

       I thought a faux thug was one that really faux you up.
bungston, Oct 09 2009

       As a way of getting out of Departmental Quality Improvement meetings, this could not be bettered. [+]   

       Fro preference, the thugs should wear battledress or black overalls without insignia, and carry some spectacularly threatening personal weapons.
8th of 7, Oct 09 2009

       May I suggest a spin on this where two very tall, clean-cut, suited, sunglass wearing gentlemen with ear pieces come and collect you on a matter of national security while talking into their cuffs?   

       You know...
...to set the mood for the second date.

       Oh god, here come the spin-offs. Are there any prior works in this regard? Where the heck is Quest, I'm too busy to look.
daseva, Oct 09 2009

       // Where the heck is Quest //   

       Cage fighting with [Unabubba]. US $5000 a seat. There's blood everywhere, and it looks like part of an ear just landed in the third row. The side bets already top $100,000.   

       The first rule of Fight Club: you do NOT talk about Fight Club.
8th of 7, Oct 09 2009

       Well, I hate that rule. NOBODY TOLD ME!
daseva, Oct 09 2009

       I like the idea, but have to admit I don't understand the -"xi" in the name.
phoenix, Oct 09 2009

       //For $20 extra, you get to ride in the trunk.//
I think It should be $20 extra NOT to ride in the trunk.
jaksplat, Oct 10 2009

       [phoenix] - think "thug taxi"
lurch, Oct 10 2009

       <smacks forehead />
phoenix, Oct 10 2009

       [bungston] Can they fill a small cavity?   

       [8th of 7] You'd enjoy my meetings, I promise.
normzone, Oct 10 2009

       I'd be afraid no one would let me out. EVER. Then it'd be a hearsexi.
blissmiss, Oct 10 2009

       It would be highly instructive to know who amongst your friends, family and work colleagues, on seeing you bundled in to a car boot by thugs, would (a) call the police, (b) take pictures, (c) help carry you to the vehicle, or (d) go round with a hat to get up a collection for a couple of bags of quick-setting cement.
8th of 7, Oct 10 2009

       The ninjaxi: Two black-clad martial artists appear from nowhere, throw you into a leather sack and rappel out the nearest window.
BunsenHoneydew, Oct 10 2009

       The zooxi: you are shot with a stun dart and taken away in a cage
pocmloc, Oct 14 2009

       My apologies, [blissy], but that word looks like it should refer to a vehicle with squeaky shocks, and a roomy back seat...
lurch, Oct 14 2009

       Finally thuggish and stalkeresque behavior can be put to the benefit of humankind! I approve!   

       Also ! ! !   



       (When something deserves multiple exclamation points, it's all or nothing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
ye_river_xiv, Oct 15 2009

       ...yeah, can you come and get me at work!!! +
xandram, Oct 15 2009

       [2 fries shy of a happy meal]: that would be the men-in-blaxi.
neutrinos_shadow, Oct 15 2009

       //For $20 extra, you get to ride in the trunk.//   

       Sounds like something Sir David Attenborough would approve of.
skinflaps, Oct 15 2009

If the first date is a real bomb you could call the emergency line and fake a heart-a-taxi.

FlyingToaster, Oct 16 2009

       That would be the English First Xi. The Australian First XI try to catch you, but make a mess of it and drop you in the outfield.
8th of 7, Oct 16 2009

       The halfbakerxi; An imposing crowd with fishbone tattoos and funny looking bakers hats come rolicking into your workplace calling your name, and telling anyone that asks that you are mawked fah deletion
Sparkyplugclean, Oct 16 2009


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