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5 kmh bed rail system

Avoid Death catching up to you in your sleep.
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A study published in the British Medical Journal and summarized in the attached links shows that the Grim Reaper really can't be bothered taking the lives of people traveling at 5 kmh. The researchers studied 1705 men aged 70 and noticed a definite correlation between Walking speed (m/s) and mortality.

The average walking speed of those 266 men that died was 0.88 metres per second - roughly 3.1km/h while ZERO of the men who walked at 5 kmh (3mph) died. The researchers drew the obvious conclusion, which jibes with empirical observation, that few people traveling at 5 kmh ever die. It also seems obvious that the curve turns upwards at speeds above this optimal rate as we all know that the faster people are traveling the more likely they are to die.

In short, the data shows that one is more likely to die either laying in bed or partaking in high speed activities than if you can just manage to keep moving at 5 kmh. This is easy to achieve when you are awake but sooner or later sleep, and death, catches up with us all.

My idea is to provide some sort of moving bed system to absolutely minimize one's chances of being nabbed by the reaper. While it may be possible to construct a wheeled and powered bed for the wealthy individual who has a large enough home and grounds to make this feasible, [MaxB?] I would suggest some sort of light rail system for the masses.

You will agree it is hard to imagine anyone dying whilst sleeping on a train moving at a sedate 5 kmh. Further research would need to be done, of course, because while we know the Grim Reaper is slow he may well be cunning enough to merely wait for you at your normal stop. A certain degree of randomization of routes and schedules may be necessary to keep him guessing. (Perhaps British Rail or any of the national train services are already eminently qualified to run this sort of train service?)

I don't think this system is infallible as people are ingenious in coming up with ways to collide with the Reaper, and he is ever patient, but I see no sense in just laying perfectly still with one's eyes closed to make it easy for him. And he isn't infallible either. So far 7 billion of us have managed to elude him.

AusCan531, Feb 20 2012

Summation of walking speed vs death study. http://www.ncbi.nlm...gov/pubmed/22174324
With link to original BMJ study. [AusCan531, Feb 20 2012]

Another link in the popular press. http://www.news.com...fsgyc-1226224051499
[AusCan531, Feb 20 2012]

_Einstein's Dreams_ http://brothersjudd.../Einstein's%20D.htm
Scroll to 29 May 1905 [mouseposture, Feb 20 2012]

Another continuously moving bed Round_20Trip_20Train_20Ride_20Hotel
[hippo, Feb 21 2012]

[link]






       We have a category called Home:Bed:Motion?
normzone, Feb 20 2012
  

       I cannot find fault with this idea, and will ask the second junior engineer to furnish me with such a device with the utmost haste.   

       Might I suggest a small improvement, though? Speed is relative, and it might be more cost-effective to move the Grim Reaper instead.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2012
  

       Yeah, I was surprised with the category too [normzone]. But I couldn't very well put my idea anywhere else once I saw that this category existed.
AusCan531, Feb 20 2012
  

       Logically the best way would be a mildly centrifugal bed as it would mean you could reside in your own house the entire night, but you'd need a geiger counter.   

       The geiger counter is spotting when agents of non-nuclear powers have been sneaking uranium under the pillow in a low-cost and covert attempt at enrichment. Egads, I feel an idea coming on.
not_morrison_rm, Feb 20 2012
  

       I was worried about the predictability of something like your centrifugal bed idea as Mr G. Reaper could just stand still and wait for you to come round again. I strongly suspect that if we deployed large numbers of centrifugal beds spinning at 5 kmh into the aged community that death rates would actually go up.
AusCan531, Feb 21 2012
  

       // one is more likely to die either laying in bed or partaking in high speed activities //   

       Interestingly, the Grim Reaper usually catches up with those partaking in high speed activities at the moment they cease to do so, and come to a very abrupt stop - which tends to support your argument.   

       The best system would be one similar to that employed in certain Disney rides, where banks of seats move slowly and smoothly along guide rails. Indeed, the answer may well be to create a "Tunnel of Sleep", similar to a fairground ride, with a set of remotely operated points to divert the bed into the "Tunnel of Love" for those who do not sleep alone.
8th of 7, Feb 21 2012
  
      
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