Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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ATM Time Limit

ATM limits access to 60 seconds during lunchtime
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(+3, -5)
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Don't you hate waiting in line for the only ATM when the person in front using the machine is a moron and can't figure it out?

I suggest that during lunch-time 11:30am - 2:00pm (?) ATMs have a limit of 60 seconds. Get your cash in 60 seconds or get your card back and give the next person a go.

goodie, Dec 18 2000


       How about adding a boxing glove on a hydraulic ram that comes out and punches the offending user in the face at the end of the 60 seconds! On the other hand what if it is the fault of the machine? Hmm! At some ATMs the incentive to get the transaction over with as soon as possible is the guy waiting third in line with ski mask on his face a gun in his hand. Now that is a problem worth addressing. Maybe the guy at the machine is being so slow because he is trying to judge the potential criminal tendencies of all those in the long line behind him, including YOU!
Jonathan, Dec 18 2000

       I vote for the boxing glove, but it would have to be oversized and on a big spring instead of the hydraulic ram. The time that it takes the next guy in line to re-arm the glove doesn't count against his 60 seconds, and the ATM is disabled until the glove is reset.
absterge, Dec 18 2000

       Learn to have some patience in your fellow humans. Not everyone can be as plugged in as you are. You may be fast at the ATM, but you wouldn't like it if you were under time pressure to finish up.
centauri, Dec 18 2000

       Hey! My girlfriend takes longer than 60 seconds at the ATM! You wanna hurt my girlfriend? Bring it on!!   

       And when I'm done with you, I'll take out your slow-ass grandmother. She always takes at least 5 minutes in line. But hey, if you can't wait over a minute, then let's bow to your impatience.
ShoutingMatch, Dec 19 2000

       Sure, I take longer than 1 minute at ATMs sometimes, ShoutingMatch, but that's when I'm making a deposit, a transfer, and a withdrawal at 1am on Thursday morning, not at 12:11pm on Friday when there are 27 people in line behind me.   

       I like the per-minute fee, (actually, I like the metal bar, too) waugsqueke. The rate could be based on what time of day it is. 11am - 2pm and 4pm - 6pm could be premium time, 9pm - 6am could be first five minutes free, etc. Time is money, right?
absterge, Dec 19 2000

       Time IS money! Speedy capitalists arise! And demand your right to cheaper rates for being physically and mentally fit. Penalize the aged and infirm - it's good for the economy!
wasraw, Dec 19 2000

       Waiting, no matter how long, takes up more time than actually doing something. So maybe you should read a book while that imbecile tries to manipulate modern machinery. I bet you won't finish a page and I bet your transaction isn't done any faster (in any meaningful way) than theirs. It's just like the one guy who charges ahead of you, at EVERY light.
smylly, Jan 02 2001

       I'd go with a trap door.
nick_n_uit, Jan 03 2001

       Withdrawals are quick, ne? It's deposits that present the problem.
Juuitchan, Jan 03 2001

       who KNOWS what the problem really is, Juuitchan? Maybe people can't remember their pin, maybe they can't decide if they want to withdraw from checking or savings, maybe they can't remember what color gravity is... who knows.   

       This should probably include a timer for feedback; after all *random* cruelty isn't the point here. ;) When once the door slides open, have the screen occupied by an oversized "120" for remaining seconds, that shrinks down into a corner and counts down until the point in time when whatever pending transactions are cancelled entirely, logged as such, the card is returned, and the window slides forcibly back into place. Pavlov would be so proud to see people start visibly shaking as they edged into the final, beeping, red 10 seconds.
absterge, Jan 04 2001

       or, better, (in order to include those of us who have non-interest bearing checking accounts...) have the transaction fee for using a not-your-bank atm start counting from -$2 upward, in $.01 increments every second. That gives you two and a half minutes (well, 2:40) to break even; faster, you actually MAKE money; slower, you start paying. Again, this is all subject to the prime-time vs. downtime rate changes. At 3am, there shouldn't be any fee at all, but at noon, it might be in nickel increments (leaving you with 40 seconds [!] to do your business).
absterge, Jan 05 2001

       A system with a 60 second limit allowing only withdrawls would be good. You could cut the interface down to simpler buttons too. After the user gets there card spat out (if they take to long) it musn't allow them to re-insert there card again.
CasaLoco, May 14 2001

       There's a huge 20,000 ton weight (like in Monty Python) hanging over the front of the ATM, and a series of flamethrowers positioned around it, AND the punching bag, AND the trap door, and maybe a pack of rabid dobermans and B.A.R. guns and claymore mines and a goddamn anti-moron missile system and a moat with alligators and punji spikes in the pit under the trap door in front of the ATM, and, uh, what else...
Duffi, May 14 2001

       Baked. Kinda. Most cash machines, the ones i have used at least, have a time limit. If you don't take your cash in so many seconds, it takes the money back as a security feature.
[ sctld ], May 18 2001

       EFTPOS stands for "Electronic Funds Transfer [at] Point Of Sale".   

       It is virtually universal throughout New Zealand [where it started I'm told], Australia, and many parts of Asia, making ATMs redundant.   

       For example, I haven't used an ATM at all for at least 10 years because the EFTPOS card system lets everyone with a bank account draw cash or pay for goods and services in seconds [no waiting; no queues], at 99% of shop and business counters.   

       Shops love the system because it keeps their till-contents small and boosts impulse buying.   

       Customers love EFTPOS because it's a major step to a cashless society and is so convenient and trouble-free.   

       And the banks love it because both shops and shoppers happily pay the small but profit-spinning transaction fees.
rayfo, May 19 2001

       TWIAVBP, and not all places have this available.   

       I dislike the 'cashless' society for much the same reason I don't want a box reporting on what I do in my car. Not necessarily because I DO anything I'm afraid of having reported, but because I resent the idea that I need to be spied on.
StarChaser, May 19 2001


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