Two reciprocal acts:
1. Go to the Altai Mountain and add Um Bongo to the
confluence of the Lualaba and Luvua tributaries to the
Congo, thereby guaranteeing that traces of Um Bongo are
found throughout the course of the River Congo.
2. Take small amounts of Congo river water, boil it for a
bit and include it as an ingredient of Um Bongo. Establish
intellectual property so that only Um Bongo has this in it.
3. Distribute free Um Bongo in the Congo.
4. Rename the River Congo "Um Bongo". While you're at
it, change their national anthem to the advertising jingle.
5. In return for the above favour, presumably achieved by
backhanders to a government I perhaps unfairly believe is
corrupt, turn Sumol + Compal into a non-profit which
hands over all its profit to the Congo, just because
(possibly to compensate for the racism of the advertising).
The result is that they definitely will drink Um Bongo in
the Congo because anyone who drinks the river water there
will inevitably be drinking a few molecules of Um Bongo.
Also, anyone who drinks Um Bongo will be drinking a small
quantity of water from the River Congo, and given that the
company is bunging loads of Um Bongo at the Congo, they
very probably will end up drinking it in the Congo.
Also, market unpasteurised Um Bongo as a diet drink, since
it would probably end up giving everyone dysentery and