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Adjustable Movement Resistance Pants Allow Competition Between Groups With Disparate Abilities

Level the playing field so any groups could play against each other regardless of age, experience, size, strength etc.
  (+2, -3)
(+2, -3)
  [vote for,

So the World Cup soccer champions could visit your local elementary school and play your kid's team each having a 50/50 chance of winning.

This would be accomplished by the pants restricting movement with adjustable resistance elements at the knees, hips and ankles. You'd calibrate them with a 100 yard dash, the ten year old running against the gold medal olympian wearing the movement restricting pants that would be adjusted with maybe an 40% setting till they both finished with the same time.

Might just use heavy pants made of those weighted blankets as well. Might be easier, you'd just need to adjust the number of weight packets in pockets all around the garment.

I think a champion team would have a gas playing against a bunch of ten year olds and falling behind. Can you imagine their motivation to get ahead again? And can you imagine the joy of the kids winning?

But mainly, can you imagine watching your kid score a goal against Matt Turner?

Afterthought: How about using these in practice to up your game?

Afterafterthought: Weighted pants just for getting an extra workout in your daily walk. Hmm.

doctorremulac3, Nov 30 2022

Pants made out of this stuff. https://www.googlea...IQ0Qx6BAgFEAM&dct=1
[doctorremulac3, Nov 30 2022]

Or something like this at the knees, ankles and hips only with adjustable resistance. https://www.braceab...EAQYBCABEgJDfvD_BwE
[doctorremulac3, Nov 30 2022]

Harrison Bergeron https://www.tnellen...ereng/harrison.html
"THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren't only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General." [a1, Nov 30 2022]

MIT develops a suit that hampers mobility https://newatlas.co...75-years-old/20982/
What a drag it is getting old [a1, Nov 30 2022]

(link) https://www.youtube...watch?v=rFPRJTvcx_c
[doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2022]


       Title too long[-] try:   


       Makeum pants   

       Pants de resistance   


       Pants of holding   

       Big stones in my pants
Voice, Nov 30 2022

       Kurt Vonnegut Jr. wrote frequently on wearing various "handicaps" to level the playing field. Most notably in Harrison Bergeron (link) though the concept shows up in a few of his other works.
a1, Nov 30 2022

       Weighted pants featuring pockets to attach evenly distributed bags of weighted pellets?   

       "George Bergeron To counteract his physical strength, George must wear weights around his neck. George, an intelligent man, must also wear a radio that prohibits him from thinking deeply."   

       Weights around the neck wouldn't do what I specified, allowing players of various abilities to be adjusted downwards, not even close. Plus it would be dangerous, plus nobody would ever do it.   

       Balls and chains, shackles, ankle weights all exist, none would do what I specified, allowing for a fun game between players of different abilities by varying the resistance and ability with great specificity.
doctorremulac3, Nov 30 2022

       Just making an observation about the basic idea of imposing handicaps to equalize people. It appears again in The Sirens of Titan, but only as a side note rather than the entire theme.   

       FWIW - that's not my bone OR bun up there.
a1, Nov 30 2022

       Adding another approach, water filled pants. Picture a G suit with water compartments. Could not only add weight, but apply varied stiffness and inflexibility to the joint areas, plus cheap, practical and very easy to adjust. Plus you could elect to fill some areas such that the sloshed around adding an awkward hard to control element.
doctorremulac3, Nov 30 2022

       That story is just the burning of a straw man
Voice, Nov 30 2022

       There is a mass discrepancy. So you would also need to add mass to the children so they could have equal impact on collision. But due to the load, there would need to be additional weights on the adults.. this would eventually end with everyone just pinned to the ground under piles of rocks.   

       At that point, just make sure their arms are free and give them an ipad to play multiplayer sports on.
mylodon, Nov 30 2022

       Weighted vests & generic "strap on" weights for ankles or wrists all exist, but I haven't seen (or found from a very quick Google) weighted pants. Ankle weights would work well enough in this context (been there, done that, for walking at least), but adjustable "exoskeleton" joints is the even-better idea.
neutrinos_shadow, Nov 30 2022

       [neutrinos_shadow], see MIT suit link. Closer to Harrison Bergeron than doc's idea, but with a noble purpose.
a1, Nov 30 2022

       //this would eventually end with everyone just pinned to the ground under piles of rocks.//   

       Well there you are, a bonus I hadn't even considered.   

       //but adjustable "exoskeleton" joints is the even-better idea.//   

       What about drugs? There has to be a mixture just right to get a 5 year old to be able to shoot a goal against a World Cup champion goalie. Maybe a mixture of sedatives and psychedelics? Sees the kid shoot the ball and ponders the significance of blocking the shot in an ever expanding universe where time is an illusion.
doctorremulac3, Nov 30 2022

       [a1]; now that I look at the link, that does seem familiar.
neutrinos_shadow, Nov 30 2022

       There's also height considerations to figure out.   

       Being kicked by a leg with a weight on it sounds painful.
RayfordSteele, Dec 01 2022

       Exactly, the weight would need to be evenly distributed. Having it all in one place wouldn't be good. It would also have to be soft because there's going to be contact. That's why I'm putting water at the top of the idea list. Soft, practical and can have joints be made stiffer by putting in more water pressure.
doctorremulac3, Dec 01 2022

       Commie pants [-]
21 Quest, Dec 01 2022

       Or as the kids say, democratic socialism pants.
doctorremulac3, Dec 01 2022


       Yup, that's the straw man of which I was speaking   

       Thus begins another quiet, reasoned debate on macroeconomics and politics
Voice, Dec 01 2022

       Uh oh, Godwin's law countdown.   

       I think the game should be who can invoke Hitler first. Gotta make it plausible, can't just respond to "I wonder what a good balance between state and control and a free market economy should be." with "Okay Adolph." Actually, strike that, all debates on politics should be exactly that.
doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2022

       I did Nazi that coming.
21 Quest, Dec 02 2022

doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2022

21 Quest, Dec 02 2022

       I think I need to change this to "water filled exercise suit".   

       Problem is, not sure if the HB servers could survive the bun storm that would result.
doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2022

       // not sure if the HB servers could survive the bun storm that would result.//   

       You shouldn't worry. It'd be hard to beat Panic Pin or Hullaballoon. Shi...oot, going the other way, I doubt you could get as many bones as Vagina Jam.
a1, Dec 03 2022

       Idk... Necrophiliostitution racked up quite a few bones before my account got deleted/restored.
21 Quest, Dec 03 2022

       ^ well that was just a bone-yard waiting to happen.   

       As for this idea...   

       ...it won't help with basketball.   

       On a side note; anyone remember comatose conjugal visits?   

       Coma coma coma chameleon,
He comes and goes,
he comes and go-oh-oh-oh's...

       So many bones.   

       One could almost say those bones go hand in hand.
21 Quest, Dec 03 2022

       bono e bono   

       <is tempted to post Skelejenga>   


       <resists urge>   

       //...it won't help with basketball.//   

       Ya ha it would. I'd say basketball would be the sport it would help the most with.   

       Oh, because of the net height. Okay, fill the suits with so much water the LA Lakers can barely move. Then the ten year old players can run circles around them, net height won't matter. Just adds another adjustment to be made.   

       Adjust suit weight and net height till you get scores that tend do be about the same.   

       This is not only the greatest idea in the world, it's the greatest THING in the universe. Gravity? Bah. The Sun? A turd rotating around the Earth by comparison. Science itself? Fool's folly. Dare I say it? I just spoke to God and he said "I thought I was cool because I created the universe, then I saw the water filled exercise suit. Humbling experience. I've got a lot of thinking to do." Then I felt bad and said "Well, you get partial credit for creating the universe that gave existence to the water filled exercise suit." and patted him on the shoulder. As he wiped a tear from his eye he said "Oh stop with the phony humility.... okay, I won't send you to hell for this... this time!" Then we both laughed.   

       The End.
doctorremulac3, Dec 03 2022

       Its not the end until the heat death of the universe.
pocmloc, Dec 03 2022

       Is that the end of everything or just the end of a cycle?   

       And if there is a finite universe timespan, how do you explain soggy bacon? Nothing so gross could come about without a higher power messing with us.   

       It's just science. I don't create the truth, I just report the facts as I make them up.
doctorremulac3, Dec 03 2022

       In passing...   

       In British English, pants are underpants whilst trousers are pants. Knickers are not the same as underpants. Knickers are closer to panties.   

       There's no logic to it.   

       Trouser can be verbed as follows...   

       "The CEO trousered £10 million as the company was liquidated".   

       Here's an adjective form...   

       "He was a well-trousered fellow".
DenholmRicshaw, Dec 03 2022

       You think English English is confusing, try explaining American English.   

       (Dude A playing a song that's very good) Dude B: "Bro, that's the shit!"   

       (Dude A playing a song that's not very good) Dude B: "Bro, that's shit!"   

       The the is the difference.
doctorremulac3, Dec 03 2022


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