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Badger Football

A real form of extreme soccer
  (+5, -8)
(+5, -8)
  [vote for,

The rules are basically the same as "non-extreme" football, with the exception of the ball being replaced by any large, carnivorous member of the family Mustelidae. The game is generally played with a single wolverine or badger with one or two subs off field to account for weasel fatigue. Though the players are naturally disinclined to make direct contact with the creature, they are still unable to use their hands or arms. Cleats, or any footwear are prohibited. The goal then is to herd the disgruntled animal into the opposition goal. The goalkeeper may be clad as is appropriate currently (minus shoes of course) and may use his hands. The responsibility of keeping the animal within the field of play falls on the player nearest its potential point of exit.

Because of the widespread popularity of the sport, in regions other than boreal Europe and North America, other animals analogous in size, shape, family or level of danger may be used. Therefore Europeans playing abroad might have to train in advance for the unexpected challenges of dealing with the Australian dingos or the Brazilian capybaras.

jellydoughnut, Sep 21 2009

Ovine pugilism http://www.timesonl.../article6841306.ece
[coprocephalous, Sep 21 2009]

Badger Football http://sports.espn....lubhouse?teamId=275
[jaksplat, Sep 21 2009]

Badgers http://www.albinobl...p.com/flash/badgers
Yesterday [gnomethang, Sep 21 2009]


       baked, cruel, [-]
pocmloc, Sep 21 2009

       Most (real) dingoes are extremely flighty, to the point that you have to be paying a great deal of attention even to spot them whilst hiking (or whatever...) out in the bush. It's only [ a) mongrel dog cross-breeds and b) essentially trained by being fed by tourists ] dingoes that will even have any contact whatsoever with humans. So no, dingoes would not be suitable.   

       Because I am really fond of the honey badgers I've seen in documentaries, I find this idea a) funny, because I could imagine the horrifying injuries sustained by the "players" and b) repulsive, because why would you want to be cruel to these amazing creatures.   

       Is there a cruelty-to-animals [marked-for-deletion] tag?
Custardguts, Sep 21 2009

       //Is there a cruelty-to-animals [m-f-d] tag //   

       There's the "cruelty" one:   

       cruelty - the idea is a new way of torturing or killing a person or an animal for pleasure or revenge. For example new, more painful ways of executing prisoners; or ways to booby-trap one's home to maim burglars.   

       Whether this badger-herding comes under that description is debatable. I think the poster knows the ferocity of the animal and wouldn't to go near it with bare feet, and therefore thinks the image of a bunch of guys bouncing nervously around it would be funny. However, [pocmloc] evidently foresees a different image, that of 22 men kicking a badger to death.   

       Swings and seesaws, innit.
theleopard, Sep 21 2009

       Replace the badger with a 'Robot Wars'-style vehicle and you've got a vote.
nineteenthly, Sep 21 2009

       Aww, I was *so* excited about this until I found out family Mephitidae had been separated out of Mustelidae.   

       Oh, well. Maybe we can sign them up as referees.
lurch, Sep 21 2009

       Don't worry, [21] I'm sure it's statistically irrelevant.
Custardguts, Sep 21 2009

       [-] half-baked (can't remember what stories this has been in) cruel, and the only entertainment would be if you got a "ball" capable of taking feet off at the ankle.   

       the only realistic interpretation would be sheep dogs trying to herd their charges through gates (which I imagine is quite baked and icinged)
FlyingToaster, Sep 21 2009

       Great - kick an animal around and call it sport - ho ho bone.
xenzag, Sep 21 2009

       At least the gerbils and ducks have been spared for a change. They get shit on all the time here. Them and the poor pigeons. Poor little pigeons.
blissmiss, Sep 21 2009

       I like pigeons. Always have. In fact I prefer the company of pigeons to that of most people.
xenzag, Sep 21 2009

       I suppose the animals discomfort is limited to being digruntled. I'd like to see or do this when drunk with me mates but on this sober early morning I feel I have to vote no.
zeno, Sep 22 2009

       This idea didn't immediately paint a picture of actually kicking the badger in my mind, I would like to assume that the game would actually be competitive, non-contact, badger herding.
Still not especially fun though.
kaz, Sep 23 2009

       " competitive, non-contact, badger herding "   

       Sounds a lot like my job, and the engineers I work with.
normzone, Sep 23 2009

       No, that's cat-herding.
8th of 7, Sep 23 2009

       The idea is essentially non-contact badger herding. Contact is naturally physically disallowed by the presence of a badger, but is prohibited by rules as well. I apologise if that was not clear. I am disgusted by cruelty and the last thing I wanted was some form of modern Coliseum game. Cat-herding came to mind, but I was in favor of a sIower, more menacing animal than a cat. I imagined this almost as a form of muggle Quidditch with the badger replacing the snitch. The badger would be a revered part of the sport and the winning team would take the animal out for drinks after the game in appreciation.
jellydoughnut, Sep 24 2009

       Just because no kicking is involved, 22 blokes chasing a wild animal about is highly likely to scare the shit out of it!
Still cruel in my book, albeit less so than originally anticipated having only read the title.
MikeOliver, Sep 25 2009

       But what animal would they use in Indiana? And how boring would kicking around a buckeye nut be?
RayfordSteele, Sep 25 2009

       // invasive species //
What, like candiru?
BunsenHoneydew, Sep 27 2009

       Use a remote-controlled robot badger, with laser eyes.
sninctown, Sep 27 2009


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