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Alcohol-Reducing Guzzling Aid

You may adjust the level of spirit you wish to consume.
  (+2, -7)(+2, -7)
(+2, -7)
  [vote for,

I am a great fan of single-malt Scotch whiskies and other spirituous liquors, but one unfortunate effect of drinking too much of these products is the inordinate drunkenness they produce.

My idea is this: a ring that fits around the throat and scans the liquid passing through it for the alcohol molecule. You may set the ring to allow anywhere from 100% to zero percent of the spirit to pass into your inner chamber.

Now you may guzzle Scotch as if it were beer, or beer as if it were spring water. This is possible under existing technology.

Vance, Jan 30 2001

Sober http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Sober(tm)
"Sobriety in a can!"

More traditional hasten-alcohol-metabolization approach. [Monkfish, Jan 30 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

"So, this parasitic worm walks into a bar..." http://www.google.c...&btnG=Google+Search
The Twilight Zone version. Hey, not quite relevant, but I was proud that I could find this. Google rooles. [centauri, Jan 30 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]


       "This is possible under existing technology"? No, it's not.
egnor, Jan 30 2001

       No, I must insist that it's possible.
Vance, Jan 30 2001

       Where does this unwanted alcohol go to? Is this some sort of electric scanner or are you thinking of some sort of semi-permiable membrane?   

       Careful what you wish for...maybe you only like Scotch because you are generally too inebriated to notice the taste.
blahginger, Jan 30 2001

       Oh, no, because first you taste it; then you get drunk.   

       The alcohol would be scanned off, pumped out, and stored in a flask in the chest area. You could call this purified spirit "throat vodka."
Vance, Jan 30 2001

       Note to self: look into creating Whiskey Lite to meet this newly emerging market...
RobGraham, Jan 30 2001

       Sorry, Pete. There are two points to drinking: drunkenness and flavor. To me, flavor is more important, thus this idea. It is obvious that drunkenness is more important to you. Keep drinking Old Milwaukee, buddy.
Vance, Feb 01 2001

       [Vance] Unless you explain what you mean by 'scanning' I will have to believe that drunkenness is unknowingly very important to you and in no small part responsible for this idea.
blahginger, Feb 01 2001

       Seems like we're getting new drinking terms here. Imagine a drinking contest: Drunk 1: Dude, check out that guy! He just chugged 2 pints! Drunk 2: Nah, he's no real chugger. He's just a measly scanner. Drunk 1: Scan?   

       [Hint: Please explain the mechanics of scanning. Will this flask have to be stored in a lung, or what?]
Wes, Feb 01 2001

       A field is produced by the ring that has an affinity for the alcohol moluecule. This molecule is scanned out of the liquid to produce throat vodka.
Vance, Feb 02 2001

       A field? What, like a magnetic field or something? I've never seen a magnet that attracts alcohol.   

       I'm guessing it could be done with some kind of chemical filter. But that's because I know less about chemistry than about physics.
baf, Feb 02 2001

       They only magnets I can think of that attract alcohol are alcoholics. Maybe we could shrink alcoholics down to nano-scale, for nano-technology drunk-free drinking. Otherwise, I don't see how the "existing" technology would work.
Wes, Feb 02 2001

       Hey, "shrinking alcoholics to nanoscale" is pretty much the plot of Innerspace (1987)...
jutta, Feb 02 2001

       Wow, I haven't thought about that movie in years. You've reminded me of that scene where (is it Dennis Quaid?) the shrunk guy puts out an empty bottle to get a drink.
Wes, Feb 03 2001

       Many of you seem against whisky. This is a shame, for whisky is quite a good drink.
Vance, Feb 05 2001

       FIRST TIME POSTER: I can see one way to make the device viable. If a drinker turns it on before each drink, then the alcohol could bypass the throat. Once the alcohol enters the device there are several option for alcohol separation: gentle heat alcohol evaporation and recondensation, reverse osmosis alcohol filtration, or just plain ole dilution. Afterwards, alcoholic drink with significantly reduced %ethanol can be released directly into the stomache. Of course all this can be avoided if the "taster" does just that, and spits the alcohol he does not wish to consume.
RWED, May 16 2002

       I'm a whiskey kind of gal. But the only reason I like whiskey is that the second you taste it, you understand that you're going to be very, VERY drunk later...
Bohemianqueen, May 16 2002

       Old Premonition, Aged 25 Years.
bristolz, May 16 2002

       [re: Note to self: look into creating Whiskey Lite to meet this newly emerging market...]   

       Depressingly enough, there is already a couple kinds of Lite Vodka on the market. Following the trend of lite beers, it is marketed as having less calories. However, they acieve this the very same way, there is less alcohol, it comes in at about 25%. And to think, all the effort people have put into making alcohol stronger.
PK, May 16 2002

       Well, perhaps you could use something with affinity for the hydroxide group (OH-) to draw out the alcohol - although I don't know which has a greater equivalent electronegativity, the CH3-CH2 ethyl group or the hydrogen. Probably the H. In any case, you'd end up with either some detached ethyl groups floating around, or some hydrogen gas (q.v. hydrogen beer, darwin awards).   

       Either way, you wouldn't get drunk off it. Although the ethyl would be horribly reactive.
Macwarrior, Nov 20 2003

       //No, I must insist that it's possible.//   

       [Vance] - you still haven't pointed out how. A magic field doesn't really cut it.   

       //And to think, all the effort people have put into making alcohol stronger.//   

       At the other end of the Lite Alcohol spectrum is Bicardi 151° over-proofed white rum, at 75.5% by volume, a fire retardant bottle and a hazard label on the neck.   

       "It is recommended that you mix BACARDI 151° with cola or fruit juices."
Detly, Nov 20 2003

       151? That's it? Hell, we own some 192 proof (96% pure) stuff that can't really be classified as any type at all (rum, whisky, vodka, etc.) - I hae no idea what it's made from. However, it is quite consumable if you follow the recipe on the back - I think it's 2 cups orange juice to a tablespoon of this stuff.   

       Can't buy it anymore, though. I think we picked it up in Montréal.
Macwarrior, Nov 20 2003

       //I think we picked it up in Montréal.//   

       That was a petrol station, [MacWarrior].
Detly, Nov 20 2003

       Heh. Heh-heh. I like that, detly. However, it was ethanol, not antifreeze.
Macwarrior, Nov 21 2003

       //"shrinking alcoholics to nanoscale" is pretty much the plot of Innerspace (1987)// [Jutta]; I have never seen that film, so in the spirit of this idea, I claim, from a position of complete ignorance, that your interpretation is based on mis-hearing the line, "Woah, man, I'm so shrunk!".
spidermother, Jun 12 2011

       // from a position of complete ignorance //   

       That assertion is redundant in your case, shirley ?
8th of 7, Jun 12 2011

       This would work in all ways except all.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 12 2011

       //Many of you seem against whisky.//   

       I'm not against whiskey. I like whiskey, especially of the Irish variety. In fact, I haven't seen anybody here say anything against whiskey. No, the major theme of complaint, if there is one, seems to be that you still haven't explained how this thing works!! Repeated insistence that something exists is not a primary requisite for its supposed existence!   

       Let's put it another way: if I phone up the circus right now and say, "I've got a man here with me who says he wants to be a lion tamer," I very much doubt that their first question is going to be "does he have his own hat?"
Alterother, Jun 14 2011

       If he couldn't be bothered to clarify his idea any time in the last 10 years, I sort of doubt he's going to do so now.
ytk, Jun 14 2011

       Alcohol _oxidising_ guzzling aid FTW.
spidermother, Jun 14 2011

       [ytk] I know, I just can't resist a good bandwagon.
Alterother, Jun 14 2011

       You can see it coming and so you should get the baldheaded bastard his own hat before you call. If his lack of hat scotches the whole deal he is going to be sleeping on your couch for another three months.
bungston, Jun 14 2011


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