Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Allergy alert bracelet

Warning ! Warning !
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Many who suffer from allergies (and who may be at risk of anaphylaxis) wear bracelets or medallions indicating their sensetivity, and details like medications to be administered.

However, although it's easy to spot an actual cat, dog, horse or peanut, it's not so easy to spot someone who has regular contact with such items.

Thus, for the greater good, such individuals should wear Allergy Alert Bracelets. These bracelets not only show physically the type of allergen, but also include a passive transponder so that when someone with an allergy corresponding to their signature approaches within 3 to 5 metres, they receive a discreet alert.

Bracelets would be coded by appearance to be visible at a distance. For instance, dog owners would wear a gold bracelet with small gemstones which emits the odour of fresh bread. Ferret owners could have yellow bracelets that smell of bananas; bird owners would have purple bracelets that smell of lavender.

Cat owners would have bracelets that are a shitty brown colour, smell strongly of cat shit*, and intermittently broadcasts the noise of a cat vomiting a furball.

*Bracelet contains actual cat shit.

8th of 7, Aug 03 2013


       I know what you mean...last week I went into a small store and I didn't notice the cats wandering around the items until a few minutes had passed. It starts with a sniffle, then sneezing. 10 minutes later I was liberally washing my eyes and nose under running water as I was becoming unable to do anything else.   

       "Beware: store may contain cats"
Ling, Aug 04 2013

       I would think a Forehead Tattoo Alert would work much better. What if a peson had cats, dogs and ferrets? (Smells banana bread with cat shit on it.)
xandram, Aug 06 2013

       // peson //   

       Ah, a sort of cat that pees on everything ?   

       Tattooing the foreheads of cat owners using cat shit would be a wonderful way to while away the long winter evenings. You may have invented a new handicraft ...
8th of 7, Aug 07 2013

       OK so I just missed a letter...I can't fix it now that you've pointed it out. Sometimes it's very early in the morning when I write these things> (before I've had 4 cups of coffee!)
xandram, Aug 07 2013

       // peson //   

       I think you've just discovered a new elementary particle, run it past those CERN chaps, although they'll be a bit miffed as you found it first.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 07 2013

       Funny, in all the years owning cats, I've never once had to clean up one's shit. I just let them crap outside (which they were perfectly happy to do with absolutely no encouragement). They even thoughtfully buried it for me.   

       In the few years that I owned a dog, not only did I have to smell its shit repeatedly when attempting (with marginal success) to housebreak it, but had to actually pick it up and dispose of it myself. Not only that, but it seems like dogs always smell like—well, if not shit exactly, then definitely something unpleasant. Never had a cat that smelled nearly as nasty.
ytk, Aug 08 2013

       Oh yippie! I discovered misspelling!! (one of my fortes)
...could be the dog particle.
xandram, Aug 08 2013

       ... or daily sex ...
8th of 7, Aug 08 2013

       I think that you are coming at this from the wrong point of view, from a psychological perspective at least. If we are, for the sake of the health of allergics, going to single out pet owners by making them smell funny, we will meet a certain amount of resistance and not a little Godwinning of online debate. As the issue is the general cluelessness of animal owners of the potentially disruptive nature of the cloud of dogbits that they bring with them. We need to address that cluelessness. Better then to exploit the already sensitive immune systems of the allergic and render their allergies more obvious: chameleonic skin response when certain immunological triggers are met might lead the allergic, who would at the same time be wheezy, teary and/or coughing, to turn an angry shade of purple, teal or tartan.
calum, Aug 08 2013

       As a child, our family moggie made it a weekly habit to deposit his offerings underneath my bed. Meanwhile, the family dog could hold it in for hours until someone opened the door.   

       These days I'm allergic to both. And it's the dander, not the crap.
RayfordSteele, Aug 08 2013

       // making them smell funny //   

       Apart from cat owners, there's no reason any other pet owner should smell "funny" or in any way unpleasant.
8th of 7, Aug 08 2013

       I'd like to introduce you to my dad's Amish neighbors. They bathe so infrequently that they effectively carry their pet lice with them.
RayfordSteele, Aug 08 2013

       People are supposed to smell like people. People who smell strongly of bread or bananas smell funny. I realise that this is a largely semantic point and so will shut up now.
calum, Aug 09 2013

       // People who smell strongly of bread or bananas smell funny. //   

       So what do clowns and stand-up comics smell of ? Banana sandwiches ?
8th of 7, Aug 09 2013

       This whole idea merely panders to the allergic. You'll only encourage them.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 09 2013

       // panders to the allergic. //   

       Well, being allergic to pandas isn't so bad. They're rare already, so staying away from zoos and oriental bamboo thickets should be enough.   

       Mind you, [MB], that six metre square black and white rug you've got in the Fourth Best Second Floor Card Room in the Left-Hand Annexe to the New South-East Wing (1723- 1727) might get some hard stares from the CITES committee if you ever tried to export it.   

       // You'll only encourage them //   

       As long as it encourages them to tattoo cat owners on the forehead with feline excrement, we don't consider it a problem.
8th of 7, Aug 09 2013

       //that six metre square black and white rug// It's actually nearer to nine square metres, and it's not so much a square as a Mercator projection. You have no idea how much bamboo it takes to get a panda to that size - almost lost a good gardener over it.   

       We wasted quite a lot of time, because the staff member who was entrusted with the panda had been advised that getting it pregnant was the most effective way to increase the available area of ruggage. He wasted six months on that project, and another six when he decided to get a male panda to do the job instead. And nobody had told him that a pregnant panda is barely 2% bigger than a non-pregnant one. Still, got a very nice loo-roll cover out of it, so mustn't grumble.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 09 2013

Shear monium.

       No, you don't. Why would you even joke about being monstrously cruel to any living creature—especially since it's not even humorous? At least when [8th] continually recycles the same old tired anti-feline barbs, they're generally so outlandish as to be utterly ridiculous. Your description sounds more like a boozed up hick bragging to his beer buddies about what a tough guy he is. On top of that, you're culturally ignorant to boot—Koreans are renowned for eating *dog*, and do not generally eat cat meat.
ytk, Aug 10 2013

       //I've never once had to clean up one's shit. I just let them crap outside//   

       Well, this is what gets people so bloody excited. If owners were able to keep their cat in your own yard, that would be one thing. If owners could keep their cat from pissing all over their neighbour's stuff, and from walking all over their car, that would be another. Lastly, and very much more importantly, if owners were able to keep their cat from eating native birds and sall furry creatures, that would, in my mind, make the existence of the cat okay to begin with.   

       Generally speaking, with a lot of exceptions I'm sure, dogs can be expected to stay in their yard and not eat native animals.   

       The only reason I don't shoot cats in my yard is that it's illegal to do so. Sure as hell I shoot all of the feral ones I see out in the bush.
Custardguts, Aug 11 2013

       //is it illegal to //....   

       Almost certainly.   

       I don't want to hurt them, I want them to not exist. Therein lies the difference.
Custardguts, Aug 11 2013

       Paracetamol is exceedingly toxic to cats.
8th of 7, Aug 12 2013

       / Paracetamol toxic to cats/   

       That just brings so many questions...the first being: who, exactly, can diagnose a headache in their moggy? Or are domestic drugs tested out on all possible domestic animals before issue?
Ling, Aug 12 2013

       Nicotine is also exceedingly toxic to cats ...
8th of 7, Aug 12 2013


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