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FAQ: Do you produce Nose Oil in usable quantities? Just what is Nose Oil? What are some of its many uses?
Test yourself: Lock all doors, draw blinds. Place fingernail against flange at outer edge of nostril next to cheek, nail surface upward. Scrape fingernail gently but firmly toward bridge of
nose. Examine nail. If you see a deposit of light, clear oil you are a Nose Oil Producer! Congratulations!
Nose Oil is a low-viscosity natural lubricant of pristine impurity. In some circles* it has been compared to SAE 60 turbine oil. Others liken it to ghee. Scientists** classify Nose Oil as a "sweet" hydrocarbon, while crude oil is termed "bad-tasting" and most bunker fuel is, chemically speaking, "leftovers." What does all this technical jargon mean? Nothing! That's why it's So Important To Know!
Nose Oil, like 2-inch bits of string, can be used for a thousand useful uses. "Oh, really?" you say in disbelief.
No! Not really! Identified uses number only 5 (documented in links):
1. Electron microscopy
3. Lip care
4. Kitsch jewelry
5. Espionage (Ok, burglary, but espionage sounded better.)
A use that is not useful: Fisherpeople, do not use Nose Oil for dry-fly dressing. It will not work. We have tried it. And we found that if you are clumsy you can get the hook stuck in the flange of your nose whilst trying to oil-up the fly. (If you cast as poorly as we do you will get the hook in your nose soon enough anyway. Why rush it?)
Want to learn more about Nose Oil and your entrepeneurial future as a Nose Oil Producer? Look elsewhere, friend! All that's left here are the Footnotes.***
* Drinking circles.
** Gumby scientists.
*** Dedicated to Monty Python. We still miss them.
(near bottom of page) [Dog Ed, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
(??) Electron microscopy
(next to Fig. 9) [Dog Ed, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
(?) Lip balm
("Lip-Smacking Good") [Dog Ed, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
(midway down page, in quote) [Dog Ed, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
(OK, burglary. Midway down page.) [Dog Ed, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
||May I suggest a creative writing category? This is a fine example*
||I'm looking forward to the plastic products that will soon
be cropping up at the local organics store. New, 100%
nose oil ball point pens!. Of course this will be invariably
followed up but some report that young children in
Thialand as being forced to have their noses scraped to
produce oil for Western nations. This emerging industry
may stagger and fall due to the economic boycott that
||Next...he'll be suggesting ear wax candles.....
||Hasn't this kind of thing been done by SNL (or similar) already? (I think both with hair oil and oily skin.)
||Sorry, all, if this duplicates a SNL idea. I don't do TV, so I must rely on all of you to alert me to TV-baked goods. Thanks for your indulgence.
||Huh? It's better than most ad copy, sure, but what isn't?
||Really excellent corroboration from links, Dog Ed, and nice short pointing to the data location within those links.
||So it's perfectly acceptable, whilst at one's club, for instance, to glide one's thumbnail up one's nose and smear it all over the bowl of your fine matured briar? I must try that. Mind you, I must first try joining such a club. It doesn't work well in pubs. People point.
||I must suggest a great method for scraping nose oil... use a soft and thin card, non-absorbant, such as an MRT farecard... with that you can get at least 3mm worth of premium grade oil, which amounts to a few valuable drops
||I used to work in film laboratories and often had to splice movie film together. On a film splicer there's a moving metal piece that you run back and forth across one piece of film to scrape off a narrow band of the emulsion so that the glue that adheres that piece to the next will stick well. The scraper has to move very smoothly to get all the emulsion off without snagging and tearing the film base, and so I was taught that nose oil was the best thing to lubricate the works. And it was!
----longgone, Oct 27,2008
||// Hasn't this kind of thing been done by SNL (or similar)
||It was one of the skits in the beginning of 'Kentucky Fried
||[pertinax], greatly to their credit, recently
introduced the halfbakery to the word "strigil."