Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Anti-Coronavirus coronet

Not just for royalty
  [vote for,

Having spotted a market opportunity based on exploiting the anxieties of an group of credulous, easily-panicked and underinformed morons (i.e most of the population) BorgCo are rushing a new product into volume production without proper safety testing, or indeed any real testing at all (other than saying "Bugger it, seems to work, it'll do"*)

It's our "Anti-Coronavirus Coronet". Resembling a Royal crown (but actually made from genuine gold-ish coloured simulated plastic-effect type material) the tips of the sticky-up bits contain tiny yet effective** atomizer nozzles fed via a thin, flexible pipe from a very quiet yet powerful battery-driven pump attached to the discreet*** 12 litre backpack tank.

Thus the wearer is constantly surrounded by an almost invisible**** cloud of high-potency biocide, ensuring an acceptable***** degree of protection from all sorts of infectious pathogens.

*Standard Operating Procedure for all consumer products.

** ish

*** "Quasimodo" costume available for a small extra charge; discounted if purchased along with the equipment.

**** Total invisibility may actually mean that the thing isn't working - the tank empty, the battery flat, or the nozzles blocked. A sophisticated biometric system indicates that a failure has occurred (the user becomes ill, and possibly dies). Please refer to the terms and conditions of sale, particularly the disclaimers. Especially the disclaimers ...

***** to the vendor.

8th of 7, Mar 04 2020

Piranha Solution https://en.wikipedi...ki/Piranha_solution
[bs0u0155, Mar 05 2020]


       A better solution, shirley, would be for everyone to wear rubber-soled shoes and extremely powerful electrostatic generators. As long as we all agree on a polarity, any droplets produced by sneezing would simply avoid other people.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 04 2020

       That would be incredibly dangerous and ill advised. Fires would be started; pacemaker wearers would drop dead; volatile organics would be triggered into fuel-air explosions; cats would be irremovably attached to balloons ....   

       What an excellent idea.   

       <Goes to rummage in cupboard for Van de Graaf machine/>
8th of 7, Mar 04 2020

       // Thus the wearer is constantly surrounded by an almost invisible**** cloud of high-potency biocide, ensuring an acceptable***** degree of protection from all sorts of infectious pathogens. //   

       Wow. That I CAN imagine.   

       I just think, maybe we could do as well with a tube directly from backpack to face-mask, and UV light inside the tube or backpack. I remember, in childhood they used disinfect our lungs with ionized air like that.   

       However, if the battery is out, we're out luck indeed. OR. We could have a radioisotope to do the job of ionizing it?
Mindey, Mar 04 2020

       // in childhood they used disinfect our lungs with ionized air like that //   

       Were there (m)any survivors ... ?
8th of 7, Mar 04 2020

       I stand the witness. Well, in my memory, there were apparatuses, with multiple 1 inch diameter tubes sticking out, with blue light, and multiple kids would go through that. What a weird thing, and it must have been somewhere just before the Soviet Union collapse, in Lithuania.
Mindey, Mar 04 2020

       // in my memory //   

       Hmmmm ....   

       Were the "people" doing the "treatment" in sliver suits ? Did they have huge, black, pupil-less eyes and very long fingers ? Was there a huge silver disk in the sky, and a very bright light at any point ?   

       There are quite a few people in the USA who claim to have had very similar experiences, and they can't even spell "Litheenya", let alone claim to have been there ...
8th of 7, Mar 04 2020

       Instead of a continuous spray of (highly flammable) pure alcohol droplets, consider a continuous spray of beer with a bit of lime juice.
sninctown, Mar 05 2020

       <Considers a continuous spray of beer with a bit of lime juice./>   

       We think not; it will rapidly become unpleasanty sticky and malodorous, and the user will be misidentified as french.   

       We weren't considering pure alcohol either - something with chlorine or bromine, maybe some phenol derivatives, really aggressive, toxic, persistent stuff. Paradichlorobenzene is good...
8th of 7, Mar 05 2020

       // stick to homeopathic compounds //   

       We did explain about the stickiness thing ... not good.   

       // believes anything less than overkill means you really weren't trying //   

       "believes" ? <Hard stare/>   

       We *know* that it's the only way.   

       // actually killing your customer base is bad for repeat business. //   

       It worked well for Yokosuka, for a while ...   

       // Much better to fill the tanks with distilled water, claiming effectiveness because it was expensively processed with* some therapeutic compounds. //   

       That part we like, altho the "distilled" part might affect the bottom line; the idea is to make ludicrously enormous exploitative profits for the absolute minimum of outlay and effort. Plain water from the nearest watercourse is perfectly adequate; choose a point downstream of an industrial effluent outfall and you might get some actual chemicals included for free.
8th of 7, Mar 05 2020

       We have a special offer on Assimilation this month, are you interested ? We wish to add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Also, the existing Marketing module self-destructed recently and needs to be replaced....
8th of 7, Mar 05 2020

       Alcohol, I've read somewhere, is capable of attacking the virus.
Voice, Mar 05 2020

       "gold-ish", I greatly prefer "gold-like". Thank you for asking.
blissmiss, Mar 05 2020

       Can I recommend HTP for the biocidal liquid? Shirley it would be simpler to just re-purpose some rocket packs that are bound to by lying about somewhere? I say this because even 5% H2O2 is a pretty solid disinfection agent, at least according to the CDC summary I just read. Some people have even gone as far as engaging their brain and included a touch of phosphoric acid, which dramatically enhances the reactivity of H2O2.   

       They could have done far better of course. 30% H2O2 and conc. H2SO4, or "Piranha solution" <link> is just great at absolutely definitely making sure no biological material remains.   

       //I remember, in childhood they used disinfect our lungs with ionized air like that.//   

       Blimey. Relatively harmless I'd imagine, the line gets crossed when increased Voltage means Ozone rather than regular old -ve ions of O2/N2.
bs0u0155, Mar 05 2020

       Maintaining a net positive air pressure in your immediate radius could do the trick. I see a wearable motorized air pump with a filter input.
RayfordSteele, Mar 05 2020

       For a comparatively small increase in price, we'll sell you a version made with unreactive/inert components that will allow you to use a range of biocidal agents of your choosing, although if you try ClF3 don't come running back to complain. Actually, that's not really much of a risk.   

       // I greatly prefer "gold-like". //   

       No problem. There will be a relatively small additional charge for the upgrade.
8th of 7, Mar 05 2020

       //Piranha solution// Needs more hydrofluoric acid.
Voice, Mar 06 2020


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