Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Aquatic drone delivery of pizza via existing....network

  [vote for,

Whilst the current mention is of a delivery of small items via a UAV on a zipwire...there is already an existing network that reaches into every dwelling.

I foresee an aquatic drone capable of navigating the sewer system, avoiding rats and any stray alligators en route, which has waterproof section to keep the pizza dry.

You order your pizza, then wait for the knock on the inside of the bathroom door and the long robotic arm delivers it to you, the bulk of the robot can stay beyond the u-bend.

As an aid to not startling anyone actually the facility, if you neglect to mention imminent delivery, the arm first knocks on the rim of the toilet, and plays a jaunty sea-shanty to give indication of delivery.

Of course, there's probably a market for a deluxe model, but I'm just describing the bog standard model*.

*Hahaha, ahahaha, ahahaha...ahem.

not_morrison_rm, Jun 13 2014

Intelligent rats http://wiki.lspace....ity#Flora_and_Fauna
Only on the Discworld ... [8th of 7, Jun 13 2014]

Stranger than fiction... it has been proposed http://www.popsci.c...ht-be-shipped-sewer
[doctorremulac3, Jun 13 2014]

Only on the Discworld ... but no, also Neal Asher... http://www.goodread...653535-mason-s-rats
Mason's rats [not_morrison_rm, Jun 13 2014]

High-volume_20secur..._20sewage_20network The exact opposite of this idea [hippo, Jun 17 2014]

Dragon of Unhappiness http://wiki.lspace....agon_of_Unhappiness
It could be you ... [8th of 7, Jun 17 2014]

The Museum of RetroTechnology: Pneumatic networks § Pneumatic systems in France http://www.douglas-...ss/pneumess.htm#fra
MIMA. See second picture in the section on France (about 3/7 of the way down the page, in case your browser is like mine and doesn't properly scroll to linked anchors), showing pneumatic mail tubes in a sewer [notexactly, Jan 15 2020]

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       Delivery via a network.... would that be with a virtual server?
Ling, Jun 13 2014

       Only in the same way that dysentery might be described as P2P
not_morrison_rm, Jun 13 2014

       "Hey, I didn't order meatballs ... did someone order meatballs ? I'm sure no-one ordered meaEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW YUK ! !"
8th of 7, Jun 13 2014

       It wouldn't just have to be for pizza. Like Amazon started out with books and eventually moved into selling damn near everything, you could eventually expand to delivery to include all manner of appropriate sundries. If you're a bit constipated, for example, you could request delivery (and administration) of a laxative suppository.
ytk, Jun 13 2014

       I once walked into a basement bathroom and there sitting quite comfortably on the seat was a big fat rat. Just sitting there like he owned the place. Then when he saw me he dived into the bowl of the toilet and swam away. Maybe he was actually the pizza delivery man, and I just mistook him for a plain fat ass, ugly, dirty rat. Hmmm, rethinking my scream now. So a yucky, but grateful + for you, and your pizza delivery man/rat.
blissmiss, Jun 13 2014

       OK so rat courier is the low-tech version. Perhaps the trained rats are used for areas with less density of houses, or with older and more constricted sewers.   

       Perhaps the rats could wear helmets mounted with guidance systems and lasers, then the rat could do the delivery work but the computer system could do the routing and control.
pocmloc, Jun 13 2014

8th of 7, Jun 13 2014

       If in no hurry, the robot could power itself by anaerobic sludge digestion as it went along. There's probably a theoretical limit to how fast a stream of sewage could flow for a vehicle to make headway against it powered only by sludge digestion from the same stream, and there's not much headroom in it.
pertinax, Jun 13 2014

       Most buildings have a cleanout at the base of their toilet stack. One simple cover to unscrew, and you have a 3.5" access point with no u-bend in the way.
MechE, Jun 13 2014

       //It wouldn't just have to be for pizza.   

       Well, the other option would be an emergency callout, due to lack of toilet paper....I'm thinking 10 sheets for a quid (roughly $1.50).
not_morrison_rm, Jun 13 2014

       Why shouldn't the wast removal pipeline double as the food supply pipeline? Oh yea, right. The whole disgusting factor.   

       Bun for the sea-shanty theme. If I were an advertising executive, I'd kill to create the theme/mascot/slogan/jingle for this company.   

       Turd Burglar Pizza. Guy with burgar mask pops up and "dusts off" a pizza offering it to the camera.   

       Pirate's Surprise Pizza. Guy with an eye patch and a closepin on his nose pops up...   

       Ok, I need to get back to work.
doctorremulac3, Jun 13 2014

       Reverse the entire system. All food and comsumables delivered by pipe. Use the empty cartons to poop into, and then once a week or so you carry them to a nearby warehouse collection centre for disposal. The warehouse would have a fleet of trucks which take them to a dsitribution centre, from where they are combined in bulk loads and delivered to farms to spread on the fields.
pocmloc, Jun 13 2014

       //Reverse the entire system.//   

       Makes some sense. After all, the total volume of waste is less than the total volume of incoming goods.
MechE, Jun 13 2014

       With the expense of re-building old sewer systems it seems a shame to not add a little 21st century update to the design. Ok, maybe not pizza delivery but certainly snail mail could be easily delivered by robo-pods. The mail tubes would be at the top of the sewer lines away from the doodoo and hermetically sealed.   

       As long as my mail didn't stink I wouldn't care how it got there.   

       Is there a mail delivery via sewer idea posted here someplace? I'm sure there is.
doctorremulac3, Jun 13 2014

       // there is already an existing network that reaches into every dwelling. //   

       Except of those of us with a septic system...   

       It's still worth a bun though.
scad mientist, Jun 13 2014

       // there is already an existing network that reaches into every dwelling. //   

       ... but you'll be fine as long as you keep your tinfoil hat on.
8th of 7, Jun 13 2014

       Pizza pockets maybe, a whole pizza won't fit through those pipes.
Voice, Jun 13 2014

       So, make the pipes bigger ... ?   

       "Darling, Elaine in the hairdressers told me that the Jacksons at No. 23 have upgraded to a 300mm service ... they can get whole roast chicken ..."
8th of 7, Jun 13 2014

       Well I'll be darned. See link.
doctorremulac3, Jun 13 2014

       It happens....   

       But maybe like the wheel, a more inventive wheel is novel. Their idea lacks sea-shanties for a start....
not_morrison_rm, Jun 13 2014

       //a whole pizza won't fit through those pipes.//   

       It will if you roll it up. The main stack and drain pipes anyway.
MechE, Jun 13 2014

       //Their idea lacks sea-shanties for a start....//   

       Yea, right? It's the sea-shanties part that I bunned in the first place.
doctorremulac3, Jun 13 2014

       Oddly enough the dessert pack of chocolate profiteroles doesn't seem much in demand, as for the brown sauce...
not_morrison_rm, Jun 14 2014

       A great way to unclog drains too!
sophocles, Jun 16 2014

       a whole new set of toilet bowl seats can be marketed for people wanting to use toiletbowls as delievery stations.
teslaberry, Jun 16 2014

       //a whole new set of toilet bowl seats can be marketed for people wanting   

       Trying to avoid that complexity, and the drone should be able to tell if the normal one is in use, due to the lack of light in the bowl.   

       Also multiple bowls would tend to mean missed deliveries, ending up with the delivery version of whack-a-mole*.   

       I'm thinking the mapping of the network is harder, due to lack of GPS, and a sonic version of GPS probably won't work, smart water drips might work, buy most likely accelerometer dead reckoning it is...let the mapping commence   

       *Not to be confused with guacamole.
not_morrison_rm, Jun 16 2014

       // due to the lack of light in the bowl //   

       What if the user is Justin Bieber ? The sunlight is going to overload the optical sensor, shirley ?
8th of 7, Jun 17 2014

       But my toilet is not big enough for a pizza box! Are these for personal size pizzas? Oh yeah, and I have a septic system, so it just wouldn't work for me.
xandram, Jun 17 2014

       To be honest it's pretty easy, and one of the first problems I thought of. Cut the pizza in half, then a two-deck bendy water-tight container, should easily go through a u-bend, the turns aren't so tight.   

       //Oh yeah, and I have a septic system, so it just wouldn't work for me.   

       <Little does xandram know, but one of the prototypes is in his septic tank, placed by a former black ops team not working as NMRM "lab assistants", waiting for its first deployment, the initial sign will the be the de-de-de-de-de music out of the Jaws in the dunny...>   

       Not so much "watch the stars", more like "watch your arse" de-de-de-de   

       Incidentally, if the pizza does get dropped en route, there's no refund as that just counts as cutting out the middle-man.
not_morrison_rm, Jun 17 2014

8th of 7, Jun 17 2014

       [xandram] is a she. She lives out in the woods and her friend built her septic system and dug the big hole and no one else was there. No ops, no drones, no pizza. But she did make a lasagna.
ps- you still don't have a tv?
xandram, Jun 17 2014

       //[xandram] is a she.   

       Agh....apologies for that...   

       Yes, still no tv...did buy one in...2006(?), but then found out the house had no aerial/antenna..and gave up. Destiny etc.
not_morrison_rm, Jun 18 2014

       I admire that [not_rm]. But with today's technology there is so much more to do with a TV. I watch live concerts on You Tube that I would never have been able to attend. I don't watch TV shows, though.
xandram, Jun 19 2014

       Reminds me of one of the Google April Fools' things from back when they did those. They'd give you a modem that came with a long cable, and you'd flush one end of the cable down the toilet. Then they'd catch it down in the sewer or at the treatment plant maybe, and you'd have internet access.   

       // sewer systems […] maybe not pizza delivery but certainly snail mail […]. The mail tubes would be at the top of the sewer lines away from the doodoo //   

       Baked by the French, and actually considerably faster than snail mail: [link]
notexactly, Jan 15 2020

       I'm a bit disappointed nobody made a joke about the French.
notexactly, Feb 27 2020

       Can't have it all
not_morrison_rm, Feb 27 2020


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