Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Assault 'n Vinegar

She ain't frigid.
  (+12, -1)(+12, -1)
(+12, -1)
  [vote for,

Chemistry major Crystal Czation suffers long hours of tedious drudgery as a night shift maintenance engineer at the the Ye Ol' Block potato chip company to pay for her tuition.
That all changed six months ago when she was inadvertently caught in a freak nucleate meltdown on the plants' salt and vinegar vacuum sealer assembly line which transformed her to...
SUPER SATUMATRON!-atron!-tron!-ron!-on!-n!

While conferring no actual super powers upon her, Crystals' overactive and bored stiff imagination conjures up a way to use the vast chemical resources at her employers' disposal to fight crime in her city.
That very night/morning on her usual walk home, un-costumed and armed with nothing more than a spray bottle of sodium acetate swiped from the store-room and her wits, our heroine fends off a would-be mugger by spraying the solution at his repugnant mug.
She watches his hands quickly crystallize to his face amid screams of, "It burns, it burns!", and as she hoofs'm in the nards she realizes that she need never ever again walk the night/morning in fear.

She begins her experimentations in earnest.

Feverish months pass as formula after formula are discarded until just the right concoction, the mix she dubs thixoferroflacetate, is created which keeps the sodium acetate stable as a solid at room temperature until ejected and contains microscopic suspended ferrous particles.
The main component of her super suit are the two canisters of solution, carried as a back-pack, with tubes running up her inner arms and to the tips of each boot to be released as a coherent stream or ever finer mist.
Custom gloves and boot soles containing tiny rheostat controlled electro-magnets allow her to climb any building with ease as she clings tenaciously to well placed hoarfrost ferro-crystals, and her hastily built instant ice sculptures create portable stairs, inclines, bridges and simple shapes to be constructed as fast as her reflexes allow.
A myriad assortment of weaponry from ice-grenades to tumbler shattering lock-picks complete the ensemble.

The criminal element is unable to find her aciduously hidden base she dyslexically calls her CHaCOON3 and, as tales of her exploits begin to permeate the seedy underbelly of the crime riddled streets, evildoers learn to dread her battle cries of; "Pucker-up scumbag, and Carpe Dium!"

which they don't really get...
but it scares them even more for just that very reason!

That's right creep-oids, the city has a new buffer against crime.
A benevolent diacetater if you will.

You can run,
but you can't hydroxide from:

SUPER SATUMATRON!-atron!-tron!-ron!-on!-n!

nads, nards...whatever you call 'em, they smart when kicked. http://www.urbandic...fine.php?term=nards
[Klaatu, Sep 25 2011]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nads nads is right, too.
[xandram, Sep 26 2011]

For [blissmiss] http://www.youtube....erY&feature=related
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 30 2011]


       sp. "nads".
pertinax, Sep 25 2011

       "nards" <link>
Klaatu, Sep 25 2011

       Kick in the acetate.
lurch, Sep 26 2011

       You got me! {clutches at smarting ego}
pertinax, Sep 26 2011

       coglione - in Italian.
xandram, Sep 26 2011

       As in Don Coglione.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2011

       That's right. I forgot to mention the snow ballzooka.
<smacks forehead>

       //ballzooka. <smacks forehead>// ...
FlyingToaster, Sep 29 2011

       I clearly need one of those smacks in the face. I don't get the idea. Go ahead...one of you...give me your best shot.
blissmiss, Sep 30 2011

       Are you sure? Because nobody should ask to be smacked in the face with a ballzooka unless they're really, really sure.
Alterother, Sep 30 2011

       Gotcha covered [blissmiss].   

Sodium acetate is a super sturated solution that desperately wants to crystalize at room temperature but can be kept liquid until it has something to nucleate around. You can pour it as a liquid and when it touches anything it turns to ice almost instantly. Hot ice, the stuff in one of those crack and heat hand warmers.
If the solution were thixotropic it would remain as a solid until jiggled. Once jiggled it would act as a liquid again only to turn to ice as it hits something.

       Add magnetic particles to the mix, a funky magnetic suit with a few gizmos and presto...
super hero.

       OHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh. Now I get it. So hold off on that smackaroo, please. +
blissmiss, Oct 01 2011

       <places Ballzooka back in munitions locker>
<reaction to //ballzooka// makes author glad to have not mentioned the hideout being an exothermic erection>


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle