Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Santa Claus Man

Santa Claus is coming to town to kick your ass.
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(+5, -1)
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Disheartened at the state of the world, the masses of those in need, and the amount of hate that exists, an infinetely successful and wealthy computer software mogul decides to do something about it.

Unable to think of the best way to do it, his witty teenage daughter suggests that Santa Claus brings joy to millions of people in the world.

Nearing Christmas, he has toys, goods and large cash donations sent care of "Santa Claus". Using a team of the world's best hackers, he searches computer databases for those people most in need, and dressed up in Santa suit and a high-tech, gadget equiped "sleigh", personally visits their homes all around the world.

A few years later, his daughter is caught up in a hostage situation with a group of terrorists and is killed along with hundreds of others when their building is blown up. The terrorists escape, but Santa Claus Man hunts them down and punishes them.

Realising that the world is still an unstable place, he dedicates his whole life to rewarding the good and punishing the bad.

mrkillboy, Dec 21 2000

"No, I AM... the Claus!!!" http://www.halfbake...gistration_20Office
Santa better register his name. [PotatoStew, Dec 21 2000, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Santa Crash http://chinet.com/c...d.php3?threadid=261
Short story I wrote, similar [Duffi, Dec 21 2000, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Sluggy Freelance http://sluggy.com/daily.php?date=971221
A bit like this? [RobertKidney, Oct 04 2004]


       - but Santa, why did I get a lump of coal in my stocking?   

       - Remember at the mall venn I said you ver a gut boy? I lied. Hasta la vista, bad boy!
wasraw, Dec 21 2000

       Update: changed the name, so kiddies could differentiate between Santa: the jolly old fat guy, and Santa Claus Man: the gun totin' wire-foolin' badass vigilante fighter.   

       This is one superhero I can see Nic Cage actually playing.
mrkillboy, Dec 22 2000

       Time for a Slay Ride... With Santa Claws!
wayne606, Mar 09 2004

       Now I have a machine gun...   

       Ho. Ho. Ho.
theleopard, Apr 25 2008

       "Have a taste of my mistletoe TOW missile!" -- Robot Santa, Futurama
qt75rx1, Apr 25 2008

       //Now I have a machine gun...//
Pedantically speaking, of course, it was merely a sub-machinegun.
I would have thought better of Mr Willis had he scrawled the "sub-".
coprocephalous, Apr 25 2008


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