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Belching Class

It's a remarkable method of relieving gas bubbles in the stomach.
  [vote for,

I consider myself an accomplished Burpist. I've belched out the names of all my family members, counted to 100, and said the whole alphabet from A-Z and back to A. I can belch loudly and rattle my neighbors' windows (always a satisfying activity at 2 AM) or so quietly the person next to me in an elevator doesn't realize I've done it until the smell catches up. Not everyone has this ability, and while much-derided, being able to belch on command is a remarkably useful skill. Ever wake up in the middle of the night with unbearable stomach pains only to discover it's just gas? Try belching a few times. It works amazingly well.

Conversely, flatulating has the same beneficial effects, yet this is something I am not able to do on command. It's something I'd like to add to my arsenal, but I just don't know how to do it on command. Others can quite skillfully.

So I propose a class dedicated to teaching people how to belch and fart on command, and how to do both silently for unobtrusive use in public spaces. You know, for the health benefits.

Not for the faint of heart.

21 Quest, Oct 16 2011

Engraving by John Derrick, 1581 http://www.lib.ed.a...ages/bg0055_jpg.htm
showing professional farters (braigetori) in action [pocmloc, Oct 16 2011]

Some scholarly citations http://laudatortemp...4/rectal-music.html
most notably, Greer Ramsey, "A breath of fresh air: rectal music in Gaelic Ireland," Archaeology Ireland 16.1 (Spring 2002) 22-23 [pocmloc, Oct 16 2011]

Fartistry http://www.damninte...ofessional-farters/
The life and times of "Le Pétomane" [MikeD, Oct 16 2011]

Prior art http://www.google.c...4l3204l0.3.9.1l13l0
Googled for "burping instructions" [normzone, Oct 17 2011]

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       Sorry, didn't mean to delete any votes or annos but I wasn't ready to post it yet. Man, those were some fast fishbones though... believe it or not, I *did* do some rather extensive pre-post Googling.
21 Quest, Oct 16 2011

       I see you've found my other YouTube channel.
nineteenthly, Oct 16 2011

       It seems to be becoming more acceptable to belch in casual company (provided you're not going for some kind of record, that is). If I do so, say in a restaurant or at dinner with friends, I usually take a super-quick look around; if nobody is reacting to my gastronomic discharge, even with a sidelong glance, I don't bother excusing myself. It's nice to see the old ways coming back.
Alterother, Oct 16 2011

       //so quietly the person next to me in an elevator doesn't realize I've done it until the smell catches up//

       And then you hand them your business card and tell them the first lesson is free?
swimswim, Oct 16 2011

       I like it better now that the idea is more than the single word "It."

       This skill would be useful in a crowded supermarket checkout line, where you could let loose a powerful belch, and add a silent stinker to seal the deal. Provided the checker's knees don't buckle, it's smooth sailing as the store employees move Heaven and Earth to get you out the door as soon as possible.

       [+] Bunnage for the idea, but [-] Boneage for not giving me the opportunity to remove my own anno and vote after a perfectly reasonable explanation on your part. Net = [ ]
Grogster, Oct 16 2011

       For more classical literature on the subject, check out Benjamin Franklin's treatise on bodily functions, which is included in a book entitled 'Fart Proudly'.
Alterother, Oct 16 2011

       Well [21Q], I'm going to have to agree with [UnaBubba] on this one.

       [+], anyway.

       //classical literature on the subject//

       <off to conduct internet research>

       <Later> Link!
MikeD, Oct 16 2011

       Wonder if it is possible to achieve projecting a fart the same way a ventriloquist projects their voice?
Ah Supp, Oct 17 2011

       //Its nice to see the old ways coming back// You mean, you actually see them coming?
Ah Supp, Oct 17 2011

       Interesting to note that belching has not yet received the same level of professional nor scholarly attention.
pocmloc, Oct 17 2011

       //Interesting to note that belching has not yet received the same level of professional nor scholarly attention.//

       Au contraire, primary school is the very foundation of scholarly pursuit (literally).
swimswim, Oct 17 2011

       Classes that teach people how to do something that people are already sometimes doing normally fall under marked-for-deletion "advocacy."
Is the factually unsupported "health benefits" angle anything but window dressing?
jutta, Oct 17 2011

       Yes it actually is a benefit. I woke up yesterday morning with horrible stomach pains. A few professional-quality belches later, and I was A-okay. Later in the day, someone in the hall at work was complaining of gas and some girl said 'dude, just fart. You'll feel TONS better'. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence supporting my claim.

       Regarding classes teaching people to do things that some people are already doing normally, that can be said of nearly anything for which classes can be taught (ie, automotive repair, martial arts, rock climbing, etc).
21 Quest, Oct 17 2011

       The other side of this is that there is a difference between knowing how to do something and knowing how to teach it. You have convinced us all that you know how to belch, but will your teaching method simply involve saying, "dude, just belch."?
swimswim, Oct 17 2011

       Oh by no means. The Art of the Belch is one which can definitely be taught. The student simply needs to be guided, instructed in how to open his airway and breath in a way that forces a large volume of air into the stomach, then tighten the diaphragm to rapidly expel the gaseous contents. In addition to proper breathing pattern and muscle control, you must also adjust your posture in a way that is conducive to burping. These are all things that can be taught.
21 Quest, Oct 17 2011

       I checked out both the videos and all the links on that search results page... none of them seem very helpful. The first video was all about breathing, and mentioned nothing about posture or muscle control. The second video was a sarcastic moron who's clearly been smoking pot. I admit, I didn't watch the whole thing (it had some blond curly-haired teenager. If that's the one you claim to be prior art, then I'll watch it.) The step-by-step breakdowns all mentioned drinking carbonated beverages and getting someone to pat you on the back.

       In short none of them contained a step-by-step guide on how to induce a belch without external aid (ie, carbonated beverage or another person), and none of them mentioned anything about how to do it quietly.
21 Quest, Oct 21 2011

       Yeah, that's one of the challenges in the martial arts world. Some disciplines advocate striking with the hands, others the feet, some are all about grappling and others emphasize dodging. Every body has to choose their own burp-fu.
normzone, Oct 21 2011


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