Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Boy's Self Esteem Action Figure

Why should Barbie get all the flack for her measurements?
  [vote for,

There's been talk about how evil Barbie is for having un-realistic body measurements that can lead to young girls having body image issues. Well what about boys who play with muscled action figures with six pack abs and massive biceps? How realistic is that for a ten year old to achieve?

Introducing: "Real-Man" tm. The first super hero designed to give boys something realistic to aspire to.

"Careful Real-Man! He's got a knife!"

"Not that can penetrate my mighty belly of doom!"

Yes, Real-Man with chicken-wing-grip comes with cape, sixpack of beer and crime fighting recliner. Rolls of fat on his neck hide his remote, game controller and girly magazines.

If you read between the lines you'll see that I'm making fun of those new girl's self esteem dolls they're trying to sell. I like the part where it's all, like, sarcastic 'n stuff.

doctorremulac3, Jun 29 2014

Fireball XL5 http://www.youtube....watch?v=6ifS2nP53Zs
FF to 1:00. Looks like the Ambiguously Gay Duo's flying car doesn't it? [doctorremulac3, Jun 29 2014]

oh dear baby weewee has a penis! http://www.thingama.../09/babyweewee.html
[xandram, Jun 30 2014]


       //How realistic is that for a ten year old to achieve?// Pretty realistic if his parents send him outside occasionally instead of getting him a PS4?
DIYMatt, Jun 29 2014

       Could Real-Man not come with a soldering iron, a bug-collecting kit, and a library card?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 29 2014

       If it's a matter of misguided self-esteem then maybe GI-Joe's third leg shouldn't dangle lower than his kneecap.   

       Other than that we're cool. Kids aren't *that* stupid.
FlyingToaster, Jun 29 2014

       I can't believe I just Googled "does GI Joe have a penis?"   

       This place rots the mind.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 29 2014

       No, you know you've always wanted to know. fess up.
blissmiss, Jun 29 2014

       I see what you are going for but I disagree with the idea that people shouldn't aspire for a high body standard. Much of the human brain developed to allow for movement. The brain benefits from physical activity. I think fitness is equally valid to strive for. Plus keeping a good appearance can improve relationship choices, employment options overall quality of life as much as many degrees can.
bob, Jun 29 2014

       //I can't believe I just Googled "does GI Joe have a penis//   

       I can't believe you didn't already know the answer.   

       As it was marketed under licence in the UK as action man, didn't you have one?
Skewed, Jun 29 2014

       Ah - I didn't realize GI Joe was a rebranded Action Man (please note the capitals).   

       In my day, Action Man was undoubtedly the last in his family line. He may have additional equipment these days.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 29 2014

       //I didn't realize GI Joe was a rebranded Action Man//   

       Oh no....   

       I'm not falling for it his time / dying to see the punch-line (assuming there is one) but I've things to do / if I let myself get drawn in I'll be here for hours.   

       //He may have additional equipment these days//   

       Almost certainly, but I doubt any of it is quite so directly related to his manhood (the parents would complain).
Skewed, Jun 29 2014

       To get to the other side.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 29 2014

       //Could Real-Man not come with a soldering iron, a bug-collecting kit, and a library card?//   

       There was a hero nerd in either the Thunderbirds or Fireball XL5 named "Brains". He had big 1960s talent agent glasses and commanded the respect of all the maching gun toting badasses in the group. He was always one of my favorite characters.   

       I think Real-Man's only job is to parody this whole "redefining beauty" thing. He doesn't do much else. The world's first inaction figure.
doctorremulac3, Jun 29 2014

       //either the Thunderbirds or Fireball XL5//   

       Two points.   

       One - it was Thunderbirds, probably the best television programme ever made, with the possible exception of none.   

       Two - it was Thunderbirds, not "the Thunderbirds", just as it was "Concorde" rather than "the Concorde" (or, heavens forfend "a Concorde").
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 29 2014

       (...or "le Concorde"...)
hippo, Jun 30 2014

       Glad I didn't call it them Thunderbirds.   

       I'd argue, simply for the sake of argument that "The Thunderbirds" sounds better. "I'm going to watch Thunderbirds." Which Thunderbirds? How many Thunderbirds are you going to watch. In fact, are you going thunderbird, (improper noun) watching? Where will you be watching those thunderbirds? "Oh no, not thunderbirds, Thunderbirds, THE Thunderbirds."   

       If you were going to a Bob Dylan concert, the question wouldn't be "Are you going to see Bob Dylan concert?" the question would be "WHY would anyone want to see Bob Dylan concert?"   

       This argument might be specious, but it IS an argument.   

       That being said, yes. Best show ever created.   

       As far as them Concordes, I have a stirling silver money clip from one of those Concordes that an ex-girlfriend gave me. Her very rich and somewhat historically notable dad gave it to her, probably with the stipulation that she wouldn't give it to me.   

       It does say simply "Concorde" not "The Concorde".
doctorremulac3, Jun 30 2014

       I didn't know Stirling was a notable centre for silver production.
hippo, Jun 30 2014

       I would like to give a few crumbs of a bun, but like others said, your idea is not the answer to many of these gender-identity/ body standard problems. Ken is geek and only has a bump instead of a penis. I used to wonder about that when I was a kid playing with my Barbie & Ken. (which I still have and are now Vintage collectibles) Now I have to go find out about GI Joe...
xandram, Jun 30 2014

       I doubt dolls have much to do with a girl's self esteem, I think "real girl" dolls are a plot to cut into the lucrative Barbie market.   

       When my daughter played with dolls, she made them up with felt pens, created imaginary adventures for them and ultimately left them piled in a box by the bathtub looking like a smiling, perky mass grave.   

       The "action figure" I remember was Major Matt Mason who was a space explorer. I didn't think about his sixpack or his bump, I just came up with adventures for him. I think kids are a little more logical than we give them credit for. That being said, having an ideal of being trim isn't such a bad thing if it leads to being active and limiting sugary foods.   

       But I don't know, any girls out there feel traumatized by their Barbie? Maybe I'm wrong on that one. I was wrong before once. (I had thought I was wrong about something but was mistaken.)
doctorremulac3, Jun 30 2014

       My children like - really like - Peppa Pig.   

       After watching episodes for many months, I thought I knew where I was with that - boys are round, girls are half ellipses. Made sense.   

       And then one day I was shocked to see Mummy Pig in her swimming costume. It turns out that under their clothes, girls are round too!
What a curve-ball.
Loris, Jun 30 2014

       [xandram], you made my day with your comment. So funny. You just keep looking at that those boy dolls, and reporting back. We *need* to know!
blissmiss, Jun 30 2014

       ^ <Takes opportunity to point out that [blissmiss] exhibits the characteristic human female inability to distinguish between "I want" and "We need" …>
8th of 7, Jun 30 2014

       //Thunderbirds, probably the best television programme ever made//   

       What, Joe 90 doesn't get a look in?   

       //didn't know Stirling was a notable centre for silver production//   

       I think it may actually be a corruption of an old French or Latin word / nothing to do with Stirling (the place), also spelt differently.   

       Ah... that was actually your comment wasn't it [hippo].   

       //keep looking at that those boy dolls, and reporting back. We *need* to know//   

       Unless there have been any significant changes since, um... <pauses to do a few calculations> the 70's, Gi Joes's bump (who I knew as Action Man <using capitals to keep [Max] happy> / in case of confusion Action Man was the doll, not the bump) is pretty smooth, barely bump like @ all.   

       <High fives [8th], stands there waiting to be high fived back, pretends he was waving instead & shuffles off (embarrassed) to the corner>
Skewed, Jun 30 2014

       RE: the awkward un-reciprocated hi-5. A thumbs up or power fist gesture is also acceptable.
doctorremulac3, Jun 30 2014

       [blissy] I found a baby boy doll with a penis, but I guess they can't have one when they grow up, or that would be porn.
xandram, Jun 30 2014


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