Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Britney's Leaked Birth Video

  (+10, -11)
(+10, -11)
  [vote for,

Britney Spears, or any other celebrity about to give birth, would do well by leaking a video to the press of the special moment, to counter waning product sales.

'A break-in at the Spears mansion resulted in several videos going missing - including footage shot in hospital of the actual birth of her new child.'

Much like Paris or Pamela, the public will never doubt what those marketing them will have them believe.

benfrost, Aug 24 2005


DrCurry, Aug 24 2005

       Yes. Of course, I believed M. Jackson would have come out with an "Anthology of King of Pop Jokes, Bawdy Recollections, and Classic Zingers" to counter gossip and to cash in his name recognition. To no avail.
reensure, Aug 24 2005

       Ew! And she was like "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod" and I was like "Ohmygod" and she was like "Gimmeanepiduralgoddamit!" and I was like "no hway" and she was like dilating and I was like "gross, have some decency" and she was like "shutup and get out of my shot bitch" and I was like "Duh" and she was like...
zen_tom, Aug 24 2005

       [zen tom], yes, but don't they say "I was all..." instead of "I was like..." now?
oxen crossing, Aug 24 2005

       Oh I don't know, I'm not as hip to the jive as I was back in the day when Britney first stormed up the hit parade with 'Hit me Baby One More Time'. If so, simply perform a find and replace, a feature that would come in handy in the real world in these situations...
zen_tom, Aug 24 2005

       Find: "Britney Spears"
Replace: ""
friendlyfire, Aug 24 2005

       I didn't have to read the idea - the title said it all.
I didn't have to see who wrote it - the title said it all.
Jinbish, Aug 24 2005

       I knew he was thinking it when I woke up this morning.
daseva, Aug 24 2005

       By, um, the look on his face?
DrCurry, Aug 24 2005

       I am sorry, I don't see a single good reason to have an idea like this. I think you are trying to insult the public as a whole for believing anything they read/see about celebrities....but if that is the case, I do not see why anyone would want to encourage this.
babyhawk, Aug 24 2005

       Okay, might we also consider a market for celebrities bieng born? Hear me out.   

       Celebrity birth videos can only be used on 50% of the celebrity population. Indeed not all female celebrities give birth, so lets include a non maternal factor, lambda, equivalent to the probability that any given female celebrity will give birth. A rough estimate yields a lamda value of .67. So celebrity birth videos approximately tap .5*.67 = .335 of the celebrity population.   

       On the other hand, every celebrity is born at some point, so there is virtually no distinction between the celebrity population and that viable for birth videos.   

       However, more people want to see britney scream for satan whilst a bloody filthy creature oozes from her gaping vagina, than watch her squirt from her mom's gaping 'V'. I suspect, nonetheless, that this difference is pale in comparison to the difference of celebrity populations described above.   

       At any rate, any competitive buisness plan will capitalize off both sides of this squirmish market. [+]
daseva, Aug 25 2005

       [babyhawk] yes I am trying to insult the public as a whole - and funnily enough I get paid to do it.
benfrost, Aug 25 2005

       Paid to do it?? I thought you did it for the love of the job...   

       My illusion has been shattered.
Jinbish, Aug 25 2005

       Fishbone for [daseva]'s anno which, while accurate and pertinent to the issue, rather disturbs one's breakfast. Plus, you just wanted to get the word "gaping" in there.
david_scothern, Aug 25 2005

       I had my suspicions as to who wrote this when I saw the title, and having a look here confirmed it.   

       And what [DrCurry] said - ew.
froglet, Aug 25 2005

       she could always sell her placenta on ebay
benfrost, Aug 25 2005

       [ff] Replace with what? Something that would become equally as pervasively annoying?
RayfordSteele, Aug 25 2005

       Rayford: um, I think you missed friendly's point.
DrCurry, Aug 25 2005

       "..and in news just in from Iraq, a suicide bomber has detonated his device in the crowded goat meat market in south central Baghdad this morning...we have some vision of the scene coming live to you now... oh my god. Oh the humanity. I'm sorry if that footage upset some viewers but here at Fox we believe in bringing you both the good and the bad side of the news.   

       Well, moving on to football now and the Patriots had a huge running game against.......sorry? ...what? I'm getting advice that the previous story was in fact not a goat meat market.... Britney who?...oh my god. Oh the humanity...."
ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 26 2005

benfrost, Aug 26 2005

       [RayfordSteele] Replace with nothing.
friendlyfire, Aug 27 2005

       A bit like giving the world a Spearsectomy.
wagster, Aug 27 2005

       benfrost, you cynical bastard   

Pericles, Aug 28 2005


       A radio station where I live, 100.3 The Buzzard, ran a bumper a while back.."We don't listen to Britney Spears' music, but we'd still pin 'er legs back like a spring chicken." *PKAW!*
Eugene, Aug 28 2005

       I've oft wondered when Britney's name will introduce a new verb meaning into the English language -
SPEAR (verb): to attempt to compensate for a palpable lack of charisma and meagre performing skills by having telegenically perky bosoms.

       As in, "Britney spears. So does Jessica Simpson."
friendlyfire, Aug 28 2005

       Why not? After all she's already a noun, as in "Do you fancy going out for a couple of britney's after work?".
wagster, Aug 29 2005

       "she was all" vs. "she was like"   

       I've heard "she was all like... and then he was all like..."
JesusHChrist, Aug 29 2005

       if you were a fruitgrocer u could always try marketing Britney's Pears.
benfrost, Aug 29 2005


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