Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Butter Mallet

For the proles ...
  [vote for,

Apparently there are eating establishments where the butter doesn't arrive in curls in a dish on ice, but instead is served in an ugly little foil-wrapped packet which the diner is supposed to open themselves (the horror, the horror).

BorgCo engineers have now developed the self-acting Butter Mallet. With a hygenic PTFE head weighted with lead, and a polished rosewood haft, the striking end of the mallet is surrounded by a clear, washable cylindrical skirt linked to the head by a disc of corrugated silicone rubber.

Place the butter packet on the nylon "anvil" and clip the skirt onto it, rather like the resealable lid on a coffee can. Raise the mallet (or have your footman do so) and bring it down hard and squarely on a hard surface (The crania of elderly relatives are most satisfying for this purpose).

Et viola ... the butter sprays out from the package and is spattered on the interior of the skirt.

Simply unclip the "anvil" and scrape out the butter with a knife.

8th of 7, Aug 05 2015

Butter package Butter_20package
The inspiration. [8th of 7, Aug 05 2015]

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       Thought this was going to be something to do with "Last Tango In Paris"
hippo, Aug 05 2015

       For the proles? We use our fists for this, no need for fancy schmancy, la-dee-daa butter mallets. "Excuse me madam, would you please be so kind as to pass the butter mallet?" Not at my table.   

       Bun anyway.
doctorremulac3, Aug 05 2015

       Would you like butter on that bun ?
8th of 7, Aug 05 2015

       I'm good, thanks.   

       You know there's no reason to limit mallet dining to condiment preparation. I'm thinking the underused mallet could replace the whole knife / fork / spoon thing. It might be a little messy but it would add an element of excitement to dining.
doctorremulac3, Aug 05 2015

       That's already being done right now, at those crab shack places where they throw down your boiled vegetables and shellfish on a piece of paper and give you a mallet and a pick.   

       You begin by squirting your table partners with carefully aimed mallet driven food. When you get good at it you start on the people at the next table.
normzone, Aug 05 2015

       It would melt in your hands, shirley?
vincevincevince, Aug 06 2015

       This is beautiful [+] though a simpler solution is to intravenously inject a purified lipid emulsion.
sninctown, Aug 11 2015


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