Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Carbunclisation Skywards

cover towerblocks with drystone cladding
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A frequent feature of just about every row of terraced houses in the UK is at least one that has covered the entire outside walls with some type of stone cladding, supplanting the underlying brick.

Given the current debacle of the inflammable exterior finish that has been used on many tower blocks in places like London, a once in a lifetime opportunity now exists to allow each resident to customise the exterior aspect of their particular unit.

Here's how the scheme would work:
Each resident would be presented with a palette of rock cladding types, ranging from small pebble dash; angular blocks to large rounded stones, in all shades of colour. Once the selection was made, the existing (now determined to be lethally inflamable) exterior cladding would be fully removed and each unit would have their choice of replacement stone finish installed.

Naturally for those not wanting the stone finish, a more generic cladding would be offered. The net result of this would be that each of the towers becomes totally unique, in exactly the same way as the terraced streets that feature the odd stone clad house are unique.

xenzag, Jun 24 2017

Dry Stone Cladding http://rp-prod-word...8/cladhousefull.jpg
loverly! [xenzag, Jun 24 2017]


       Would it not be simpler and quicker to present each resident with a pallet of assorted explosives, link them all with det cord, and retreat to a safe* distance before the fuse burns down ?   

       *The useful value of "safe" may vary according to many factors, including the design and materials used in the structure, the selection and positioning of the explosives, and prevailing weather conditions. Past performance is not a guarantee of future structural integrity. Take professional advice. Portions of buildings can go upwards and outwards as well as down. Close turret hatch cover before firing. Ask your casualty medic if Kevlar is right for you.
8th of 7, Jun 24 2017

8th of 7, Jun 24 2017

       I wonder if the black backing of the depicted dry stones is an amalgam of recycled tire scraps, asphalt and gunpowder?   

       Sorry. Tyre scraps. Bitumen.
bungston, Jun 24 2017

       [ ] : love the idea of an apt building where every unit's fascia is customized. Real stone, on the other hand, would mostly serve to test how far the supporting structure surpassed code.
FlyingToaster, Jun 24 2017

       Civil engineers tend to work to a factor of safety of about ten; any more and they have to take their shoes and socks off, any fewer and they get confused.
8th of 7, Jun 24 2017

       //Civil engineers tend to work to a factor of safety of about ten// I do not believe that. I could believe five for structures like bridges that may be subjected to complex loads. I could believe three for buildings. But ten?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 24 2017

       Ten is typical. Most civil structures are hugely overstrength, because it allows for future development, and actually costs very little to do; the materials cost in most civil projects is a tiny proportion of the final cost.   

       To further reassure you: -   

       Large civil airliners - factors of safety:   

       Critical structural components (wing spars, engine pylons): 1.3   

       Non-critical structural components (doors, windows, floors): 1.1   

       All other components: 1.0
8th of 7, Jun 24 2017

       And pilots about 0.7
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 24 2017

       Of course. It's a well-known fact that the component most likely to have a catastrophic failure is the nut that holds the control column ...
8th of 7, Jun 24 2017

       Yep. That's why Airbus changed to side sticks.
lurch, Jun 25 2017

       The one time I saw stone-like cladding on the outside of a terraced home, it looked so Disney that I assumed it must be plastic.   

       Presumably these days you can also get Minecraft themes.
b153b, Jun 25 2017

       I wonder whether there's a power station somewhere in the UK that could be fuelled for the next few weeks with discarded cladding.
pertinax, Jun 27 2017

       Drax ? That's been converted to biofuels.   

       Shred the panels, then roast them to separate the PE. Recover the aluminium.   

       But the total mass of material probably won't be enough to justify setting up the specialist processing line.
8th of 7, Jun 27 2017


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