Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Center Cut

Harvesting old growth forests
  (+5, -10)(+5, -10)
(+5, -10)
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Redwoods. Everyone loves them...but, do they really need to be so tall? To get to the light, perhaps, but what if the whole forest were shorter? It all the redwoods in the forest were shorter, they would get the same amount of light. If they were shorter, they wouldn’t have to struggle to pump their sap so high. And tourists—we Americans!—we could enjoy those majestic wonders of nature without craning our necks.

With sophisticated equipment, the Center Cut Corporation removes the central hundred feet of trunk, then grafts the leafy top to the stump.

Now squirrels can climb to their nests without getting plumb exhausted, and Americans across the country can enjoy the bounty God has given us, relaxing in saunas made of real redwood!
ldischler, Nov 24 2004

Owls like fridges, Tabs. http://www.spittlev...mages/fridgeowl.jpg
[po, Nov 24 2004]


       Sure would provide a lot of resources for the lumber industry.
The tourists would soon lose interest in walking around to see stumpy trees.
No matter how you look at it, this would result in a lot of bord feet.
half, Nov 24 2004

pottedstu, Nov 24 2004

       The answer to my prayers for a vertigo-free tree house! Though it will now be more of a shrub house. 'majestic wonders of nature'... replace word 'majestic' with 'stumpy', maybe? My shrub house will definitely have an anti-owl fridge, which will obviously be required. Likewise an anti-squirrel TV (they insist on watching reality shows at 3am) and badger-resistant shoe rack.
moomintroll, Nov 24 2004

       I have a shoe resistant badger rack... maybe if you turned it upside down?
etherman, Nov 24 2004

       This would result in a loss of bored feet.
bristolz, Nov 24 2004

       Thanks, but no planks.
normzone, Nov 24 2004

       Hmmm bad boy... good place to start researching frankinstienia. Perhaps you can make a better redwood with other buts of flora....   

       I bet they grow faster if you zap them with electricity.
madness, Nov 25 2004


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