Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Naturally low in facts.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Cetacean Terror Campaign

How to stop Japanese whale "researchers" from collecting "specimens".
  (+5, -4)
(+5, -4)
  [vote for,

I've been trying to think of a better way than brute force to stop those pesky butchers - ahem, scientists - and think I may have hit on something that is cheap and has a chance at working:

Basically, instill fear in the Japanese public that whale-related products have a chance of harming their health, or bringing bad luck/haunting.

How? Let them know that anti-whaling activists are firing syringes of harmful-to-humans stuff into every target whale they can find. By stuff, I mean anything that doesn't do the whale harm, but will either disgust a human or make them physically ill. Things like: low-level radioactive isotopes, various human virus strains, human DNA or blended flesh (donated by members in their will).

Would you risk eating Grandad-contaminated whale, or applying cancer-patient lipstick?

Remember, this is a terror campaign, not a campaign to harm whales, so anything injected really just has to have a great psychological impact, kinda like a dirty bomb.

I think the Japanese are superstitious enough not to want to even risk eating dead people, and for those not superstitious, radiation and virus contamination may be a good reason to stick to trying to wipe out bluefin tuna instead.

Hmmmm.. just did a search and found "Cetacean Taint". Similar idea - guess I should have looked first. Still, I'll post this as it mentions eating dead people.

TIB, Mar 13 2008


       Dude. These whale harmless things you speak of will be ingested by members of the food chain all the way down to the lowest after the whales death and then dispersed.   

       Muck with public attitude all you want, but not with the ecosystem.   

       Unfortunately when a whale dies, it's not just a case of a couple of species of bacteria consuming it, everything within a 100 mile radius gathers for the feast. However, it might be possible to inject them with something which will flow throughout their body in the bloodstream, but can be digested when consumed.   

       Is the HIV virus harmless to whales and digestible by sealife? I'm not suggesting it's a good idea though, putting a virus we can't kill into a new habitat is never a good idea.
marklar, Mar 13 2008

       I have repeatedly applied for a license to hunt a limited number of Japanese in the the purely scientific interest of establishing their global numbers. To this end I have established a company called Cannippon. Anyone who wants a copy of my application letter to: modify/send/burn/frame/laugh at/ be outraged by, etc, etc, can email me. I also have one for the Norwegians called Norbite.
xenzag, Mar 13 2008

       [xenzag] ha! In a similar modus, I once sent an application to the Prefectural Government of Hokkaido, advising them that I proposed conducting a scientific data gathering exercise on their precious northern cranes (beautiful things - endangered - national treasures and all that). The project involved a fait bit of lethal sampling, to get accurate stomach contents, liver weights and so on. I understood the importance of the crane to the prefecture however, so I very kindly offered the bird carcasses left over from the scientific cull to the Governor for the purposes of making tsuru kara-age. Bugger didn't respond, which is typical.   

       And yes [TIB] Cetacean Taint is prior art. You're nicked sunshine.
ConsulFlaminicus, Mar 13 2008

       [2 fries]: you are right. radioisotope need only be the equivalent of 2 mins on a mobile phone. virus can be deactivated. of course i wish no harm to come to the hagfish.   

       i just want the Japanese public to be 'put off' eating whale. obviously whatever we are doing now does not work, as our seemingly sentient brothers continue to be slaughtered (murdered?).
TIB, Mar 13 2008

       //These whale harmless things you speak of will be ingested by members of the food chain all the way down// Moderate levels of radiation won't harm anything much - Chernobyl is pretty much an idyllic wildlife park. Humans, however, are silly about radiation which is why it is a good plan. Likewise human flesh - psychological impact only.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2008

       I notice that nowhere in this idea is it suggested that you actually put anything into the whales, just that you tell people that someone has. Bun.
wagster, Mar 13 2008

       Cetacean spongiform encephalopathy, Pan-oceanic cetacean influenza, Transmissable Cetacean Immunodefeciency Virus.
No cetaceans were harmed in the fabrication of these ailments.
4whom, Mar 13 2008

       It is my limited experience that Japanese people will eat anything. Well, at least stuff that scares the whey out of me. Live squid, for instance. And worse.   

       Back in WW2, soldiers may have eaten human flesh, or so strong rumors have it. For Japanese civilians in WW2, anything was food after their cities were destroyed. After WW2, the eating of whales was apparently encouraged by the USA, as a badly-needed protein source.   

       So what exactly do you plan to put in a whale to put off the Japanese? Radioactives, say? Well, some of them live in cities that were nuked--they may not care.   

       I think you are going to have to hit superstition pretty hard. Can you maybe get a renegade priest to put a curse on the whales?
baconbrain, Mar 13 2008

       MRSA should do the trick. Cryptosporidium is also good - its not as nasty but sounds worse.
wagster, Mar 13 2008

       What about a health scare without actually doing anything to them? For example, something about heavy metals accumulating in them or a health problem arising from the consumption of blubber. In fact, it probably wouldn't be too hard to find an easily corroborated one. For instance, whales are secondary consumers or higher, and they probably accumulate something, like dioxins or mercury. However, as others have said, i don't know how concerned people are about such things.
nineteenthly, Mar 13 2008

       The problem with Cryptosporidium is that it only readily tranmitted faecally. Plenty of the livestock we eat has crypto. Also, I'm not sure if any whale- infecting species (and I'm sure there are some) would infect humans.   

       Humans normally carry either C. parvum or C. hominis. People have contracted the canine species (can't remember the name - probably canis), and I think also meleagridis, but this is rare.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2008

       Would Cryptosporidium not work with ambergris?
nineteenthly, Mar 13 2008

       Unlikely - I don't think it would like being in waxy goop.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2008

       I almost feel sorry for it.
nineteenthly, Mar 13 2008

       I figured this would be whales wearing suicide vests.
ldischler, Mar 13 2008

       Well, how about putting suicide vests on the whales, then? I'm thinking about nitroglycerin implants in the whales. They should be safe enough, until a harpoon hits one. And if they leak, the whale's heart improves.
baconbrain, Mar 13 2008

       Yes, eating dead people, always a good idea. Makes great sf.
zeno, Mar 14 2008

       Better than all of this would be to trump up some archaeological discovery revealing that the whale was an ancient Shinto symbol of peace.
globaltourniquet, Mar 14 2008

       Or place real tarrifs tied to the export of japanese food stuffs to the american market. The market for exported food is much larger than the japanese domestic whaling industry.
WcW, Mar 14 2008

       They'd probaby just develop a sauce to go with it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2008

       Nonsense. Simply equip the whales with torpedo launchers and the means to produce them (still under development) and let nature do the rest.
qt75rx1, Mar 16 2008


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle