Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Champagne (Rude) Howitzer

orgasmic champagne cannon
  (+3, -1)
(+3, -1)
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Champagne (Rude) Howitzer is a device that resembles a small desktop cannon into which individual bottles of champagne can be loaded, and aimed via a simple elevation control, then 'fired' in that particular direction.

The firing mechanism is a complex arrangement of linked levers that first snip through the cork's restraining wire, then shunt the rear end of the bottle against a padded breech block. This has the effect of launching the projectile cork as previously aimed, and causing the champagne to spurt out like an orgasm.

This item is most likely to be found hidden in a cupboard in some dubious movie casting executive's office.

xenzag, Oct 17 2019


       // padded breach block //   

       The (Sp.) "breech" block needs to be as solid as possible consistent with not fracturing the glass when the round is loaded; and proper Methode Champenoise bottles are very tough ... so a polished solid gunmetal (of course) block would be fine.
8th of 7, Oct 17 2019

       Shirley the device should just have a miniature sword with which to whip off the top of the bottle?
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 17 2019

       Breech of course....pesky iPad auto spell....
xenzag, Oct 17 2019

       //a miniature sword// Why miniature?
pocmloc, Oct 19 2019

       Indeed; if it's a standard champagne bottle, sabrage pretty much demands a sword with the correct heft, weight and balance.   

       A miniature one just wouldn't cut it ...   

       Sabrage with a lightsaber ... now that would be something ...
8th of 7, Oct 19 2019

       {loose the corks Luke}   

       ^ [+]
8th of 7, Oct 19 2019


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