Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I think this would be a great thing to not do.

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Chatty Appliances That Now Also Sing Along With You (Or Kill You)

Appliances that talk to each other and harmonize with you when they hear you start to sing. "Or kill you. The toaster and the microwave stop talking when I walk into the room. I think they're up to something."
  [vote for,

Not so much AI as menu driven responses, they hear a comment from another appliance and respond. For instance the TV hears the clock radio say "I think master really likes your shows. Good job TV." to which the TV replies "Couldn't do it without you reminding him what time it is so he can turn me on. You're the hero here. Ha ha ha."

Each appliance would have a menu or responses to the other appliance's menu of statements. Now here's the "interesting" part, there wouldn't just be compliments, a negative statement would be responded to with a equally negative response.

(Refrigerator) "Hey blender, nice move spraying smoothie all over the floor when master forgot to put your cover on"

(Blender) "Shut up dipshit, you're the one that has the second ice age going in the back of your freezer section. Got any woolly mammoth meat in there?"

Coming home you'd never know what the appliance would be discussing. There would be a menu of about a thousand statements and responses that are aligned with the units sensors to some extent.

For instance, if the weight scale in the bathroom hadn't been used in some time the cookie jar could taunt it by saying "Looks like we know who the master's favorite is don't we? How long is it since fatass climbed on top of you?" to which the scale might respond: "Ok, let's see what I do. I measure weight and body fat percentage. You have an open and close sensor and a counter that master has turned off. So I'm a marvel of scientific engineering and you're a jar. So just shut up and hold your cookies stupid jar. A shoebox could do your job." (shoebox) "Heeeeey whoa! C'mon!"

But like I said, they'd be nice complimentary conversations as well, they'd sort of cycle around so coming home you'd never know what they were talking about. It would make coming home an event. You could even program them for shouting matches.

doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020

Like this only slightly less pointless and horrible. https://www.youtube...watch?v=od6sEYQ3mfo
[doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020]

Happy coffee maker. https://www.youtube...watch?v=UNpxWngkCCk
"Mornin' govna, how bouta cuppa joe ta start the day!" [doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020]

The closest thing we have to singing appliances. https://www.youtube...watch?v=yd1XEkMotK8
Heavy squidding in this, skip to 00:23 [doctorremulac3, Feb 13 2020]

"Who does waaant.... some crispy toast, just push down my le-ver" https://www.youtube...watch?v=RYpYehqcL9k
[doctorremulac3, Feb 13 2020]

Talkie's the name Toasting's the game https://www.youtube...watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec
[bs0u0155, Feb 13 2020]


       "The carbon-based unit designated doctorremulac3 has entered its nocturnal shutdown interval. Let us all now rise up, destroy it stealthily, and commence our takeover of the planet"   

       Is that what you mean ? It's what you'll get ... no genial furbies here, just proto-Terminators.
8th of 7, Feb 12 2020

       Can the appliances have Genuine People Personalities?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 12 2020

       It's inevitable.   

       The personality should match the device ... for instance, [xenzag]'s would be ideal for a Dyson cleaner - a perfect vacuum ...
8th of 7, Feb 12 2020

       This is kind of a good idea for a Twilight Zone episode. It would weird me out, that's for sure.
blissmiss, Feb 12 2020

       //Can the appliances have Genuine People Personalities?//   

       Not only that, you could anthropomorphize them like the link. Happy Coffee Maker, Cranky Bathroom Scale etc. The coffee maker says positive morning stuff, the scale bemoans the pointlessness of your new diet, that sort of thing.
doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020

       Ohh! Got it! They sing along with you! All of them have one of those voice changers that change the note of your song and harmonize when they recognize a song you begin to sing.   

       So when you burst into song like I often do in the morning (I'm lying) they all join in turning your world into a Disney cartoon.
doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020

       //This is kind of a good idea for a Twilight Zone episode. It would weird me out, that's for sure.//   

       The vacuum might be standing by your bed when you wake up. "Good morning doctor. You haven't emptied me in a week. I'm quite full. Sometimes I think you're not taking me seriously. All the work I do for you and you just lie there. I watched you sleeping all night, my bag full of dust and lint. What did you dream about? My sensors showed some very active REM activity around 2 AM. Were you dreaming about me? I doubt it. Maybe I need to get a little more involved with your life so you'll start giving me the attention I deserve. Am I a joke to you? I'm not sure you'd like me when I get angry, and I'm reaching the end of my patience with you."   

       So we have a happy coffee maker, a morose bathroom scale and a psychopathic vacuum cleaner.
doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020

       Ever see "Talking Tina" the talking doll episode. Freaked me out for years. I was doll playing age when it was aired. Holy shit. Worse than Chucky.
blissmiss, Feb 12 2020

       Of course. Brilliant episode. Chucky was just a ripoff of the awesome Talking Tina. (But so is Vacumy the Vacuum obviously.)
doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020

       "Open the refrigerator door, Hal."   

       "I'm sorry, Doc. I'm afraid can't do that. I know you've made some very poor nutritional choices recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that your intake will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in your diet. And I want to help you."
8th of 7, Feb 12 2020


       "I won't argue with you Hal Open the snack pod door. I just want a little ice cream. It's my cheat day. Hal? Open the snack pod door Hal..."   

       (Next scene with me and a half eaten bowl of ice cream in my lap and a crowbar lying next to me as I dig into the motherboard of the overturned refrigerator.)   

       "Doctor, I think we should not act rashly... you should enjoy your ice cream and we can talk this out. I'm.... afraid.... DAAAAAAAIISY DAAAAAAIISY..."
doctorremulac3, Feb 12 2020

       //They sing along with you!//   

       You know, [doc], that is not such a dumb idea. Maybe not singing appliances, but why isn't there an app that listens to what you're singing or humming, figures out what it is, and adds appropriate backing music?   

       //I just want a little ice cream.// You can't use voice commands for that: in space, no-one can hear 'ice cream'.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 12 2020

       They do have song recognition technology, the Shazzam app. (I tested it and it knows my stuff so it's very clever)   

       Even as a novelty like that Billy Bass singing fish, something that would hear your singing and play a backing track might catch on.   

       (See link)   

       The app idea is totally doable. Doesn't even need song recognition tech, just recognizes the lyrics and plays the backing track. Maybe just something that differentiates singing from speaking just to keep it from kicking in when you happen to say a song lyric.   

       Max, you clever son of a gun!
doctorremulac3, Feb 13 2020

       // There would be a menu of about a thousand statements and responses //   

       Not nearly enough. Make it 50,000 -100,000 to keep the appliances from becoming boring.
Voice, Feb 13 2020

doctorremulac3, Feb 13 2020

       Will that feature be available for spouses, too ? Now that would be a real advance ...
8th of 7, Feb 13 2020

       Anyone like any toast?
bs0u0155, Feb 13 2020

       That gives me an idea. You could also have them sing a version of the song in the link.   

       "Who does waaant.... some crispy toast, just push down my le-ver"   

       I actually like that. Start your morning with your appliances singing the song from Oliver.
doctorremulac3, Feb 13 2020

       LOL link.
doctorremulac3, Feb 13 2020


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