Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Chip and Beggar PIN

No spare money on you? Hobos beg to differ.
  (+5, -4)
(+5, -4)
  [vote for,

"Spare some change Guvna'?"

"I'm terribly sorry, I don't have any change on me."

"That's alright mate, I take plastic."

"I'm sorry?"

"Credit, Debit, Switch, Maestro, VISA, all of 'em. Except American Express. Greedy corporate bastards."

"Wow, really? That's... that's quite upmarket isn't it? Usually you've just got a polystyrene cup or a hat with a dog in it."

"Upmarket? Nah mate, not with this new 'Chip and Beggar PIN' scheme the local cahncil have introduced. It's simple economics really, batteries included mind."

"Fascinating... Do you mind if I take a seat?"

"Of course mate, the pavement's a little damp but ya soon get used to it. It's a home and a carsie, see?"

"I... see... Well, do go on."

"So the cahncil dish out these portable Chip and PIN gizmos to us on the street, and for every transaction we make, 20% goes to the cahncil to run the local soup kitchens and to help us into accomodation and off the streets like. Course, I get less money for me crack habit, but I 'spose that's a bonus an' all."

"Well I never. I suppose I'm all out of excuses then, unless I want to embark upon a raging tirade of social commentary-fuelled abuse, wherein I am the upstanding citizen that goes to work and pays his taxes, and you're the sponging idle layabout who should have paid attention in school and not snuck off to the bike sheds to smoke a 'dooby' and 'jack-up'. You've won me over old chap. So, how's 20p to get a cup of tea?"

"Sorry, you have to spend five pound minimum Guv."

theleopard, Feb 07 2007

What they really need... Cleaning_20the_20homeless
...is a place to take a shower and get ready for that job interview. [James Newton, Feb 09 2007]


       "Spare some change Guvna'?"

"Get a job, lazy sod."
angel, Feb 07 2007

       You wouldn't say that, would you? Reminds me of a Monty Python song (sort of)...   

Never be rude to a pauper,
A bag lady, or Lazzaroni, or bum.
Never be rude to a vagabond,
Just smile, and turn, and run.

       Never poke fun at a beggar,
A tramp, or a stiff, or a dreg.
And never poke fun at...

theleopard, Feb 07 2007

       //You wouldn't say that, would you?/

Yes. Have done.
angel, Feb 08 2007

       Quietly to yourself [angel] or quite confrontationally?   

       My approach to the homeless generally manifests itself in one of two ways; laughing at the nutcases and drunks, or sitting down for a chat with the seemingly decent but down trodden have-nots.
theleopard, Feb 08 2007

       Neither to myself nor confrontationally; shall we say - matter-of-factly, as I may tell the time of day to one who asks.
angel, Feb 08 2007

       Do the three of you know each other outside of this world? Cause I have no idea, nor do I want to, know...I mean. About   

       What were we talking about?
blissmiss, Feb 09 2007

       Indeed [Frank], you're not wrong. See, I felt the need to provide some half-baked scheme as to how one might be able to viably provide beggars with these devices, when I actually just thought the idea of just one beggar with a POS would be funny.   

       I say give one beggar a POS and let him lose in Highgate Village*, as you hide behind the bushes, peering through the leaves to watch the general toffery be put in awkward social situations. Ha ha! That'll learn 'em!   

       SMS idea ain't bad by the way.   

       * Well to do area of North London. Also would work in Chelsea, Notting Hill, and most of the West.
theleopard, Feb 09 2007

       //a rejection of making an effort//   

       Never underestimate the power of a broken heart.
BunsenHoneydew, Feb 09 2007

       Are you saying the majority of homeless people are ex-IT consultants?   

       That's quite Python-esque.
theleopard, Feb 14 2007

       "Pining for the source!?"
"Ahh, yeah. The Norwegian DBA spends a lot of time on 'is back looking for source-code. Remarkable skillset. Lovely suit!"
"Look, I took the liberty of examining that DBA when I employed 'im, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting at 'is desk in the first place was that 'ed had been NAILED there!"
zen_tom, Feb 14 2007


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