Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Chipmunk Phone Automation

Talk really fast on voice prompts to get business done quickly
  [vote for,

I can't stand sitting on a phone for 45 minutes pressing prompts to get something done. The people in the greetings often talk way too slowly, and it's inefficient for native speakers who can also think quickly. (This is why the self-paced nature of the Internet is so nice, but many businesses are still stuck in the telephone era.) I propose a voice prompt system where the audio feeds are sped up to sound like the Chipmunks. The initial prompt can give the customer a sample of the sped-up talk and ask if they would like to continue in the "conventional" mode or in the "highly efficient" mode. This would serve the needs of both intelligent youth and foreign elderly.
kevinthenerd, Jun 25 2009


       "Press one for English; Press two for Spanish; Press three for English at chipmunk speed; Press four for Spanish at chipmunk speed..."
swimswim, Jun 25 2009

       doesn't help: I spent a couple minutes yesterday trying to figure out what company a telemarketer represented ("Buh") before hanging up.
FlyingToaster, Jun 25 2009

       I like this, a lot. +
blissmiss, Jun 25 2009

       Or you have the option to accelerate the playback (press 6 to play at high speed), or to have the 'expert' version with minimum padding.   

       It would be even nicer if it could recognise the number you are calling from, know you've been there before and go straight to expert mode.   

       Even nicer if it could recognise your number, look up your details, check on the status of your work request / balance of your account / etc and give you a customised menu of stuff that's actually appropriate   

       Oh wait ... that's baked (we've already done it!!)
kindachewy, Jun 25 2009

       Maybe the automation could simply remove all pauses from the speech. I feel like radio ads already have this.
bungston, Jun 25 2009

       Termsandconditionsapply.Theva lueofunitscangodownaswellasup. Pastperformanceisnoguaranteeo ffutureprofits. Subscriptionand cashdepositrequired.Yourhomei satriskifyoudonotkeepuppaymen tsonamortgageorotherloansecur edonit.   

       Like that ?
8th of 7, Jun 25 2009

       ooh could there be a "helium voice" option as well?
Gamma48, Jun 25 2009

       [swimswim] Have you ever pressed 2 for the Spanish option? It's already at chipmunk speed.
Alterother, Jun 26 2009

blissmiss, Jun 26 2009

       Really like this. Humorous and practical solutions are always perfect. The world needs more of these for life to look less serious, more real.
Pericles, Jun 26 2009

       Hmm, I think there's something here..I was thinking voice recognition software, you tell the program what it is you actually want to achieve and it does the option picking for, while you go make a coffee or something. There's an iphone app in there somewhere.   

       Or, the damn phone system could send out whatever the voice is saying in data and the application could just read that, sounds like re-inventing the modem though, ahh I remember 28.8k.   

       Does anyone remember the Crazy Eddie radio adverts in the New York region of the late 70s? At the end of each advert there was a "terms and conditions" bit that was totally frantic.   

       Excellent idea +
xenzag, Jun 27 2009

       [Alterother], I am no where near fluent in Spanish, but I noticed that as I learned a little, it made things like that seem to slow down a bit.   

       Supposedly as your fluency in another language approaches light speed, you'll begin to hear people speaking in reverse.
swimswim, Jun 27 2009

       speaking of backwards, this should be an option too - just for screen messages from Satan.
anyothertime, Apr 16 2010

       Oh yea, this is an amazing idea. I have been speeding up movies, voice recordings, music, just to save some time. I wish I had this option for telephone voice prompts.
Inyuki, Apr 17 2010

       I've worked with office phones that have this option on voice mail.   

       But why does everything remind me of "Gun, With Occasional Music" ?   

       "You have five minutes of my time."   

       "I'm sure you'll lose track of the time," I said. "It gets good at the end."   

       "I've got a short attention span," she said.   

       "It's pretty simple. There's some murders nobody ever bothered to solve right, and a guy in the freezer who doesn't belong there."   

       "If you say the name Stanhunt, you have three minutes."   

       "How about six minutes for two Stanhunts?"   

       "Get on with it."   

       "I'll talk fast and with a high-pitched voice, and you can record it and slow it down later. I solved the Stanhunt case. Both of them."
normzone, Apr 17 2010


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