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Cliff's Notes on Bible

Interpreting the Bible for Those Too Lazy to Do So Themselves
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(+11, -7)
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Cliff's Notes on the Bible would be very handy for some. Those always on the run Christians with coffee buzzes would rush to the nearest bookstore and buy these. Then this might render church useless... Maybe not. This'll probably turn out into a religious debate. Sorry beforehand.

Oh I hang my head in shame. Sorry. I thought i was smart for a minute there. Maybe even a shade of humor. But no. I'll wear a bag on my head for a week. Sorry.

The Bible for Dummies......? Just trying to redeem myself.

NOFX, May 06 2000

Boomer Bible http://www.amazon.c...002-6063201-4009831
Franks & Beans ?Beans & Franks [reensure, May 06 2000]

CliffsNotes(tm) on Bible http://www.cliffsno...tCd-076453811X.html
LIfe imitates halfbakery... [jutta, May 06 2000, last modified Jan 22 2005]

Buddy Christ Dashboard Statue http://store.yahoo..../budchrisdass1.html
Catholicism Wow. [jutta, May 06 2000]

(?) Here it is. In a single verse: http://www.hti.umic...tverse=27&endverse=
And that synopsis was from "a lawyer". [Amos Kito, Jan 25 2005]

The Complete Idiot's Guide to The Bible (3rd Edition) http://us.penguingr...81592573899,00.html
This is not to say that people who are interested in the Bible are idiots. However, there may be some question whether they should be allowed to, say, operate power tools, or reproduce. [Ander, Aug 04 2007]

Lamb http://www.rambles.net/moore_lamb02.html
[normzone, Aug 14 2007]


       The purpose of church is not to interperate the Bible for the churchgoer. Rather, it is to provide a relious, spiritual community for believers, as well as for the worship of God. I beg to ask how worship of God could ever be worthless.
dontthink, May 07 2000

       grrrrrrrr............i've wanted to write these for so long. it's kinda disheartening that some posted it here first, it's downright depressing that the thing already exists. there is also The Book (dont know a website for it) the cut down, 'cooler' version of the Bible geared at getting teenagers into christianity. it's Buddy Christ (from Kevin Smith's Dogma) come to fruition.
rhino, May 07 2000

       At the risk of starting world war 3 I am going to respond to dontthink.   

       Worship of (any) God could be considered worthless by those who do not believe in (any) God. I certainly do not consider worshiping a God I do not believe in a worthwhile exercise.   

       Please note that this is my personal opinion and this is not meant to be offensive to religious people in any way, it's just how I feel. OK?
MrTheRich, Jun 30 2000

       What's the big deal here? If you can buy 'Buddhism for Sheep' and 'Buddhism for Bears' why not 'The Bible for Dummies' or 'The Koran for Infidels'?
Toss, Jul 10 2000

       What's CliffsNotes? I take it as a reference to Cliff Richard, perennial UK chart topper and high ranking Christian. If anyone is qualified to make notes on the Good Book, then it is surely Our Cliff. He knows more about the Bible than the Almighty himself.
Mickey the Fish, Aug 16 2000

       Which drivel do you mean? There are multiple levels of drivel here; we're all postmodern like that.
bookworm, Sep 14 2000

       godbiz.net is available, just make sure you're out of the temple when jesus kicks over the tables - I'd have thought the pope would have snagged the public relations site long ago - godpr.com
thumbwax, May 14 2002

       Thank you for your always completely objective viewpoint, Mephie.
waugsqueke, May 14 2002

       Mephista, you forgot: God says, "I'm coming to get ya, so have a word with yourselves."   

       (I am assuming that God communicates through Mike Reid).
calum, May 14 2002

       Cliffs Notes for the Bible? God interprets the Bible through His Holy Spirit. The Bible is not meant to be fully understood in this lifetime. Only the basics of salvation need to be understood to acheive Heaven.
redemptionn8, Jan 22 2005

       "God" does not interpret. He made the rules he should know how they should be implemented. People interpret because they know not the true meaning. And I thought the problem was exactly those interpretations. Thats what caused all the schisms (and what priests are for).
Susan, Jan 22 2005

       I think there may be a serious missunderstanding about the use of Cliff Notes here.
tiromancer, Jan 22 2005

       'sparksnotes' nowadays. I think Cliff died or something.
dentworth, Jan 22 2005

       Drat! I Guess we'll need Cliff notes for Cliffs notes then.
Susan, Jan 22 2005

       At what point does this reduce to a post-it note that says "Honestly, just read it!"?
tiromancer, Jan 22 2005

       I've been informed that my current president is in contact with the powers that be, and all I need to do is cooperate.
normzone, Jan 25 2005

       I once bought a "Children's Bible" when I had to read parts of the Bible in literature class in 8th grade. The children's bible is meant for third graders. I found it was much easier to understand and helped me tremendously with the real thing.
phundug, Jan 25 2005

       "Hay wait a minute, this copy of 'The Bible for Dummies" I just bought, is just a regular copy of the bible!"
cuckoointherye, Jan 25 2005

       Man, I thank the Lord for Spark Notes. Spark Notes is where it's at. Spark Notes is the Alpha and the Omega, seriously. I never really read a book until I found Spark Notes. Oft times I go to Spark Notes and just sit there staring at their advertising in payment for all the good they have done me. I would stare at their advertisements if they were for barbedwire underpants. I love Spark Notes!
JesusHChrist, May 14 2005

       I just finished a reread of "Lamb" by Christopher Moore. It's a humorous look at the years of Jesus' life not covered in the bible. As historically accurate as possible, and the usual wonderful Chris Moore take on life.
normzone, May 14 2005

       I'm not a Christian (or much of an Anything, for that matter), so I'm certainly no expert. However, my understanding is that, basically, you make a deal with God---i.e., you proclaim that you believe in Jesus (which, I gather, implies that you believe in God too, since they're all part of the same scheme). Once you've made this deal, you get to go to Heaven.   

       As far as I know, no specific amount of further work---study, memorization, monetary donations, singing, streetcorner proselytizing, etc.---is actually required. As long as you don't start breaking Commandments, a deal's a deal, and Bible-reading is optional, depending on one's degree of zeal, lack of other demands on one's time, and so on.   

       So all of this would seem academic. If I'm wrong, of course, feel free to straighten me out.
Ander, Aug 04 2007

       The problem is, [Ander], that the method you have given is but one of many, many interpretations of biblical meaning.   

       Not all Christian sects believe that salvation is guaranteed after the original deal.   

       For any "rule" of doctrine any given sect believes in you can find another that disagrees.
drememynd, Aug 14 2007

       //Not all Christian sects believe that salvation is guaranteed after the original deal.//   

       Egads this is a shameful state for any group of people to find themselves in. It's been, what, at least two thousand bloody years and still no progress whatsoever.   

       It's about time someone set up a suitable placebo-controlled double- blinded study to determine whether, actually, or not, actually, a life of actual self-denial and actual religious zeal has a significant impact on your actually living in an afterlife of eternal bliss, actually. Or maybe we can get the information from a good meta-analysis of the available data?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 14 2007

       These Cliffs notes would be handy for other religious texts, equally weighty. Examples: the Bhagavad-Gita, the Book of Mormon, etc.
bungston, Aug 14 2007


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