h a l f b a k e r y
Is it soup yet?
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
The game of Cluedo involves six protagonists, nine rooms
and six murder weapons. This means there are two
gross-three dozen character-weapon-room permutations,
which makes for a potentially interestingly varied game.
Casualty is a semi-unintentionally comedic medical drama
which, at its
best, involves random patients of the week
being maimed in entertaining ways before admission to an
A&E department in Bristol, whoops, er, Holby.
Now imagine combining the two. Create a TV medical
soap as follows. There are six characters and nine
settings, and six possible ways in which medical
emergencies can be incurred, all of which are survivable
but involve a high degree of peril. Each of these are
chosen carefully so they can occur in each of the nine
settings to each of the six characters. Each medical
emergency has interesting consequences.
In each episode, a pseudorandom number generator
allocates each character to one of the settings and one of
the medical emergencies. This enables considerable
investment in the sets and simulations of the nature of the
incidents concerned as they can be endlessly reused. As
each mishap has consequences, interest can be maintained
by increasing disability per patient, but in interestingly
varied ways according to the order in which they are
injured. Only six actors need to be employed to play the
patients. Since the same sets are constantly re-used, a
stock of footage can be built up to reduce time and money
spent in producing the thing. Then there are actors
playing the medical staff.
Most of the script can easily be written by a computer
program which generates relevant text strings which would
occur in each circumstance. A casually-employed part time
writer can be sent the script each week to clean it up,
remove discrepancies and write bits which the program
fails to anticipate.
The result is a varied medical serial where initially healthy
patients get increasingly and entertainingly injured as the
season grinds on, until at some point they are all dead and
have to be replaced. However, it would make sense to
wait until _all_ of them are dead so as to start afresh
every few months. The problems they encounter are
varied and the consequences change according to the
medical history of each patient, so there is a sort of
butterfly effect in each subplot.
|To emphasise the notion of Caualty's silliness; my
friend was in an episode a few years back, playing a
young lad who liked to surf cars. For a dare, they call
out an ambulance, and while the paramedics are
distracted, he climbs on to the roof. They drive off,
he surfs the ambulance, the ambulance breaks, he
jumps a shark, breaks his leg, but thankfully there's
an ambulance on hand to take him to the hospital.
|They're really running out of injuries now...
|Yes, they should start inventing new diseases and
injuries. Maybe they could turn it into Sector
General. Tail fractures for all.
|Every episode should have Dustin Hoffman being
flown in to save the day even when the drama is
essentially emotional and not some mutated
pandemic virus strain.
|Yes, he could be some kind of reset button super-doctor with miraculous healing powers, but i think he should arrive at the end of each series.
|"Doctor, can you save him ?"
|"I'm sorry nurse, there's nothing I can do. I've just checked his notes, and he's been written out of the script after this scene".
| On my To-post list I recently wrote Clue House/House Clue. Over here the game is just called clue, and the unreal medical series is based around Dr. House M.D. diagnostician extraordinaire.
Rather than the game translating to film I had thought to make an episode version of the game.
|I speculate that Professor Plumb,contracted Kuru in, the Congo from... cannibalism.
|This is why medical school takes so bloody long. They sit around and review every episode of Casualty to find the cures and/or solutions of each and every disease / ailment / trauma that has ever existed.
|// the consequences change according to the medical history of each patient //
|"I think the symptoms may be due to a Deep Vein Thrombosis in her leg"
|"Unlikely, since she had them both amputated above the knee in that bizarre unexplained accident at her flower-arranging class last year."
|I'm now trying to think of a way in which a DVT could
cause symptoms after amputation. A botched
amputation could lead to septicaemia i suppose. Or
maybe DIC, crush syndrome or something? Hmm.
|Phantom symptoms, like phantom pain.
|Yes, it can and does happen, even in organs you've
|"Doctor, Doctor, I've got a pain in my Hammond ..."
|A bun each for [19thly]'s original, and [2_fries]
variant. [2f] you'll have to post that, to collect the