Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Coin-operated public shredder

Going, going, gone ...
  [vote for,

Sometimes it is vitally necessary to thoroughly dispose of a document, and a regular public trash can is just not good enough.

Fret no more. Simply look round for one of BorgCo's new Public Shredders.

Insert payment, and when the flap opens, feed in your document one sheet at a time. Watch the crosscut fragments fall past the viewing window into the collection drum, where they mix with water and detergent to form a totally illegible greyish porridge.

8th of 7, Dec 14 2017

Secretly scanning shredder What the license fee is for [notexactly, Mar 12 2019]


       This will very nicely complement MaxCo.'s range of ultra-slim wireless scanners, which can be inconspicuously affixed to the shredder slot, allowing all documents to be scanned as they pass by, for later downloading.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 14 2017

       This will also allay suspicion of the MitxelaCo public "shredders" which look identical to the BorgCo ones, but lack any shredding element at all. Watch in dismay as your sensitive document falls in front of the viewing window, irretrievable and perfectly intact for everyone to see.
mitxela, Dec 14 2017

       This would be a great thing to have at the local... whatever. Convenience store, stationery store, even gas stations. You just take a file folder with you when you need gas and while the car's filling up, get rid of your sensitive financial documents.   

       I have to use a paper shredder not just for financial documents but for all these stupid credit account drawing checks that come in un-solicited.   

       I really don't appreciate having checks with my name on them being sent to me several times a week through the mail that I have to shred so somebody doesn't pull them out of the garbage and try to use them. I'm not going to take a cash advance out on my credit card just because they remind me I can.   

       Loans for anything other than a home should really be filed with other things in life that seem like fun but are extremely toxic. Like sugar, petting strange dogs on the street that are foaming at the mouth and voting democrat. (Or voting for democrats that are foaming at the mouth.)
doctorremulac3, Dec 14 2017

       There's a lot of call for that sort of thing round where you live then, [IT] ?
8th of 7, Dec 14 2017

       Most of the documents that people shred consist of illegible greyish porridge to start with.
Wrongfellow, Dec 15 2017

       Just give it an IP address. That way people can send their documents straight, wired or wirelessly, from their computers or even the cloud to the shredder, no printing or even standing up required!
Latherdome, Dec 17 2017

       In a pinch I tend to take 2litres used motor oil, bleach,ammonia, cat litter, diapers, foul meat and saturate my papers with it. Usually works good!
bob, Dec 19 2017

       Bonus points if any Halfbaker under the age of 45 can name the only two made-for-adults science fiction movies in which gerbils play a significant part.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 19 2017

       Well, not "Night of the Lepus", because that was giant carnivorous rabbits ...   

       Actually, the scene at the end, which is clearly just a few puzzled rabbits wandering round someone's model train layout, is actually funny and rather sad instead of scary. The highlight comes when a pencil appears briefly in shot, and pokes one of the rabbits to get it to move.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2017

       Hmmm... a Public Shredder? This brings the movie "Fargo" to mind, or perhaps "Soylent Green." I foresee a wildly successful marketing campaign followed by public shaming and governmental enquiries. Good Show, [8th of 7], Carry On! [ + ]
Grogster, Dec 26 2017

       Sadly, it's not possible; the cast are no longer available. Kenneth Williams, Sid James, Charles Hawtrey, Kenneth Connor, Roy Castle, Bernard Bresslaw, Peter Butterworth, Jim Dale ... gone, all gone.   

       Babs Windsor's still around, but that's about it.   


       // "Soylent Green." //   

       More of a mincer than a shredder, but a useful idea.   

       If a bathetic rather than dramatic conclusion to the movie were desired, Charlton Heston could have discovered that the new food product being offered was made entirely from arthropods, publicizing this fact with a screamed warning to the onlookers that "Soylent Green is beetles !" ...
8th of 7, Dec 27 2017

       // , how would you carry out a complex and wide-reaching processing supply chain like that with nobody knowing vital facts such as that? //   

       Employ staff of very limited intelligence and highly flexible moral standards. Pay them well. Monitor them closely, and discreetly execute any that show signs of being talkative. Have a massive advertising budget and use it to influence media.   

       Next question ?
8th of 7, Dec 27 2017

       Actually, I've noticed that so-called "crematoria" just have a conveyor belt and a pair of cheap automatic curtains. After that, who knows? Chest, nuts roasting on an open fire.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 27 2017

       RE: "...Soylent Green is beetles !..."   

       Would have definitely gone over well with the entomophagists in the crowd.
Grogster, Dec 27 2017

       // This will very nicely complement MaxCo.'s range of ultra- slim wireless scanners, which can be inconspicuously affixed to the shredder slot, allowing all documents to be scanned as they pass by, for later downloading. //   

       Hey, where's my license fee? [link]
notexactly, Mar 12 2019

       //made-for-adults science fiction movies in which gerbils play a significant part.//   

       [Attention thoroughly riveted] Pray tell?   

       Haven't a clue, my best guess would be there (might?) have been a mention of certain practices in Flesh Gordon, but no actual gerbils.
Skewed, Mar 12 2019

       //..discovering their chips aren’t made of potato...//
I'm pretty sure they AREN'T made of potato; they are shoe- string chips for a reason: plenty of "coating" (which may or may not contain "flavour") and a tiny strip of indeterminate substance on the inside, so small as to be irrelevant.
(Disclaimer: it has been a delightfully long time since I had a McDonalds "chip".)
neutrinos_shadow, Mar 12 2019


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