h a l f b a k e r y
Ask your doctor if the Halfbakery is right for you.
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Rather than getting a handful of obnoxious, worthless coin
change from your transaction, you have the option to spin
the roulette wheel or wheel of fortune that gives you a 1
in 3 chance of roughly doubling your money. (It would
round to the nearest dollar) If you win, you get about
your money back in handy paper form and no usless
antiquated coins. If you loose, the money goes to charity.
Either way you get rid of annoying coins. Everybody wins.
Spare Change Lottery
prior art? [bungston, Jan 11 2014]
Similar - pachinko style [Loris, Jan 11 2014]
Remucon industries happy puppy donation page
Your donation will make these puppies VERY happy. [doctorremulac3, Jan 13 2014]
Not me unfortunately. I friggin' love this guy. [doctorremulac3, Jan 13 2014]
||[+] You might be able to give slightly better than even odds (overall) seein' as the business gets the tax deduction for the charitable donation.
||Good in principle, but who uses cash often enough anymore to make this worthwhile to roll out the machines?
||I'd recommend just setting the odds based on the ratio of your bet and do it electronically, skipping the slow spinning roulette wheel. Then this might roll out as a software update to the cash registers.
||One issue is that this does have to be weighted so the house (charity) always wins, but since the money is comming from the customers, the store can't claim the tax deduction.
||Now if we took charities out of the equations and the store gave even odds for whatever bet you were making, everyone would break even on average. The store clerks wouldn't have to spend the time counting change and I wouldn't need to carry it around. We'd probably need to change the gambling laws to allow this, but that seems reasonable since this isn't gambling so much as using probability rather than coins to keep track of fractional dollars.
||One issue is canceled transactions or returns. If I buy a $0.25 candy. 3/4 of the time it is free. When it rings up as $1 if I say never mind and walk away, what happens? Well, the simple solution is that I have to show the $1 first before opting to bet my change. Then if I walk out without purchasing, it's shoplifting. If after buying the item (and paying the dollar) I really do want to return the item, that can be handled as a separate transaction, but when I return the item I either get $0.25 back or a get a 1/4 chance of getting $1.
||Another problem is regulating and ensuring that the machines actually are fair.
||This would probably be a little digital dohicky
program connected to the existing credit card
swiper. When you paid with cash, after you gave the
clerk your money it would light up and say
"POWZOWIE! WANNA PLAY DOUUUBLE YOUR MONEY
BACK?!" (yes) (no)
||If you pushed (yes) it would show a little graphic of a
wheel spinning and landing on WINNER! or "Your
change is helping starving puppies."
||As far as returns, you'd be able to receive what you
paid for the item minus your change which became
of a totally separate transaction. Your receipt would
reflect this and still be usable for returns as with any
other receipt the only difference it having a record
of the gambling transaction. This would also
document your gambling winnings or charitable
deductions (depending on if you won or lost) for tax
||"Your change is helping starving puppies!"
||Can be construed helping hungry puppies, or helping to
||Maybe after your first spin another 50/50 spin
determines if you help them or hurt them.
||Help burning rainforests! 50/50
||Help decaying historical buildings! 50/50
||Better - instead of winning $1 for your 0.63, you get a lottery ticket!
||Around the holidays, a lot of stores do the *round up to
nearest dollar* and it gets donated to the food banks. I
like the idea of maybe getting some myself. +
||"Your change is helping starving puppies."
and thus by inference:
"By winning, you will cause puppies to starve."
I'm available to do the marketing for this, if you want.
||I'll try re-writing it to make it clearer.
||"Your change will go to reducing hindering of the
stopping of puppy
starvation alleviation cessation elimination."
||Actually, it's one of the joys of the English language that a phrase such as "Your change is helping starving puppies" can be read to mean either:
"Your change is helping (to alleviate the) starving (of) puppies"
"Your change is helping (in the) starving (of) puppies"
[Edit: I see that [rcarty] actually said this first, now I've read his anno properly.]
||Well, starving is an adjective not a verb in this
sentence. It's saying that the starving puppies are
assisted, not that the assistance is being given to the
process of puppy starvation. The latter would be
written: "Your change is helping TO starve puppies."
"Your change helps starve puppies." or the rather
slogany: "Your change starves puppies." The
starvation is simply the current state of the subject.
Starving, the adjective, (not verb) could
be replaced with "blue" as in "Your donation helps
could say that blue in this case is a verb not an
as in "Hey Clem, did you finish bluing them dogs?" but
context has to be taken into consideration. Also, to
keep the word "starving" in the sentence you'd need
to say: "Your change helps THE starving OF
||There's also an inference made by use of the word
"helps". Furthering their starvation isn't
assistance. If you said: "I saw a guy drowning so I
helped him." this wouldn't invoke an image of you
throwing him an anchor. Well, hopefully anyway.
We at Remucon Happy Chubby Adorable Puppies
International LLC apologize for any confusion. (Please
see link to our website.) Please note that unlike
other animal protection organizations, your donation
will go DIRECTLY to the actual animal shown. Simply
click on the animal of your choice and donate
$100,000, $50,000 as little as ten thousand dollars to
these adorable animals. You will receive a glossy
photo, suitable for framing,
showing Doctorremulac3 himself sitting on a pile of
cash holding the puppy of your choice along with a
very professionally written legal document showing
that your money is property of the puppy you've
selected and that it is simply being managed by
Remucon industries. Please note: Remucon industries
will not hurt these adorable puppies in any way
should you not donate but, hey, things happen.
||I think 'starving' is being used as a gerund rather than an adjective but my point is that it can be read as a present participle as well. For example, the phrase "Your donation is helping bringing World Peace" is a clumsy construction. However, the word 'bringing' is obviously a participle indicating how 'starving' in "Your change is helping starving puppies" can be interpreted as a participle.
||Hey, that half semester of community college is
really paying off.
||I KID! I KID! (Really Hippo, I'm just kidding, you may
||But seriously, I left school at 16 to further my
education so I probably shouldn't even kid people
about their ed creds. To be clear, as I've said on
previous occasions, I'm a doctor like
Colonel Sanders is a military leader. While on the
subject, to further clarify, I'm not THE obsessive
Remulac from the Howard Stern show. I was just
listening to that routine the day I picked a name for
my online persona and doctorremulac,
doctorremulac1 and docturremulac2 was already
taken. And as it turns out, I spelled it wrong anyway.
It's Doctor Remulak with a k.
||But really, do feel free to send me money if you like
any of the puppies in the pictures.