Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Combat Spatula

You were attacked with a what?!
  (+7, -1)
(+7, -1)
  [vote for,

It's the latest in urban self-defense: A spatula (for our American-impaired readers, this is the kitchen implement evidently known to the limier sort as a “fish slice”). The head folds down towards the handle, and when drawn can be extended with a mere flick of the wrist. As your assailant begins laughing in bemusement at the unusual weapon he now finds himself accosted with, the razor sharp, serrated talons affixed to the leading edge of the spatula are drawn rapidly across his face. The handle provides a significant reach advantage, and the slits in the spatula head aid in reducing aerodynamic drag as the strike is made, much like a flyswatter in principle. The assailant thus dispatched, the head is folded back down, where the talons tuck neatly into a protective cover.

Probably legal to carry concealed, maybe; if it's not, at least you'll have a great story about how you were arrested for possession of a concealed spatula, presumably with intent to bake.

ytk, Jul 31 2012

Thanks to [MechE] http://questionable.../view.php?comic=540
[normzone, Jul 31 2012]

Folding Spatula http://images.searc...&.crumb=OdMvdBasONG
This one is SOOO close but only has a serrated raking edge rather than razor-sharp talons. [jurist, Jul 31 2012]

Battle spatula http://basicinstruc...vilized-person.html
[Phrontistery, Aug 01 2012]

Combat spatula http://www.google.c...:0,i:81&tx=72&ty=52
[Phrontistery, Aug 01 2012]

This is an OSS issue commando knife. The Fairbairn Sykes style knife has the original issue spatula "pancake flipper" scabbard. http://www.google.c...0CHEQ9QEwCw&dur=471
Too weird. [Phrontistery, Aug 01 2012]

Ninja version http://www.sjgames..../combat_spatula.jpg
[Phrontistery, Aug 01 2012]

Prototype http://www.google.c...:429,r:22,s:25,i:15
[Phrontistery, Aug 01 2012]

Early protoypes? http://www.silverco...onaryfishslice.html
Now these are classy weapons... [Canuck, Aug 02 2012]

Making grub while at war... http://frontlinecooking.blogspot.com/
[normzone, Aug 02 2012]


       We have spatulas here as well - indeed, in Henry VIII's great kitchens at Hampton Court Palace one can see early Tudor-period spatulas, made from wood, brass and leather. On this side of the pond we tend to giggle childishly at American spatulas when we hear that they are made by the "Rubbermaid" corporation.
hippo, Jul 31 2012

       I'm aware of that, but my understanding (i.e. what Wikipedia says) is that the British usage of “spatula” refers to some device with no holes in it, whereas the tool described in this idea is known as a “fish slice”.
ytk, Jul 31 2012

       I don't remember this when I've lived Stateside sooooo... if a spatula is a fish slice, what's a spatula?
Phrontistery, Jul 31 2012

       What happens when the opposition springs his (or her) combat frying pan on you?
not_morrison_rm, Jul 31 2012

       The web comic "Questionable Content" has a couple of pages about a Malaysian Battle Spatula.
MechE, Jul 31 2012

       A favoured weapon of the Russian Army, during WWII, was a "tools entrenching" aka shovel, with the edge of the blade sharpened. Very useful for close quarters work, apparently.
UnaBubba, Jul 31 2012

       But not much use up against a 120 calibre slotted spoon.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 31 2012

       A spatula can refer to a turner (pancake typically) which what I think is meant here. It can also mean a kind of rounded broad bladed knife, often used for spreading icing, or a bowl scraper (the rubbermaid reference).
MechE, Jul 31 2012

       Oh, PLEASE, someone remake the Indiana Jones movies... the spatula will revitalize the industry. I'm just sure of it. [+]
Grogster, Jul 31 2012

       All except for the last one. That one should've never been made at all.
RayfordSteele, Jul 31 2012

       I was all set to deride this as too similar to a folding entrenching tool as well, but then I thought Combat Spatula has a really nice ring to it, so I bunned it.   

       I've never heard of a 'fish slice'.
Alterother, Jul 31 2012

       Jinbish used to call it a "fish lifter" because he was a maniac and a lunatic with no sense of what is proper.
calum, Jul 31 2012

       Jinbish was a paragon. An inspiration to us all. Mainly because of what you said.
Alterother, Jul 31 2012

       Funny you should mention this - I have one of these that came in a set of barbeque tools, although it's not the folding model. One side is toothed and sharp, and definitely not carry legal.
normzone, Jul 31 2012

       ahh a "flipper". spatula's one of those bowl scraping things - quite handy.   

       Wossname, navy seal chief cook, not bruce willis the other one.
FlyingToaster, Jul 31 2012

       Ahh, yes, [norm], I know precisely which tool you're referring to. However, this is distinguished by the fact that the teeth on the BBQ tool are on one side of the spatula head, so the device would be swung like a knife. In this idea, the talons are on the edge farthest away from the butt of the handle, as of it were a large, flat claw; you'd swing it like a flyswatter, creating 5-7 parallel cuts at a time.
ytk, Jul 31 2012

jurist, Jul 31 2012

       Make grub, not war.   

       Make grub and war. Just not at the same time.
Phrontistery, Aug 02 2012

       [FT] Casey Ryback? (Steven Seagal - Under Siege, 1992)
Canuck, Aug 02 2012

       ^ thanks: couldn't remember the guys name despite having seen most of his movies.
FlyingToaster, Aug 02 2012

       You poor, poor bastard.
Alterother, Aug 02 2012

       [Phrontistery], here you go (link).
normzone, Aug 02 2012

       I like the idea of the regular Rubbermaid variety used for combat. Because it makes an awesome slapping sound on bare skin. I am thinking a West Side Story sort of thing, combatants with wrists lashed together, free hands with spatulas instead of knives, but both in Speedos, nice big white bellies, lightly misted with Wesson oil.
bungston, Aug 03 2012

       I can't rid myself of the idea that this will only be useful if you're attacked by a fried egg.
Phrontistery, Aug 04 2012


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