Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Contentious will service

Posthumous revenge
  [vote for,

Most people want simple, clear wills which leave their property and possessions to specific people and organizations in an efficient and unchallengable way.

Lawyers are reluctant to write any other sort of will for fear of being accused of malpractice.

However, there are some occasions when a testator may wish to deliberately leave a contentious, complex and badly written will. An obvious circumstance is that when the potential legatees are nothing more than an ugly, venomous bunch of squabbling small-minded ghouls, who metaphorically line up like buzzards on the telegraph lines, salivating uncontrollably and jostling for position while they gloat over the imminent demise of their benefactor.

You can't choose your family, Unfortunately.

Now, one option is to leave everything to the Dog's Home, and although it's a worthy cause it's a bit passé.

What is needed is the new BorgCo will-writing service. Tell us who you want to annoy, and we will produce a muddled, rambling, stream-of-unconsciousness tirade worthy of James Joyce, or indeed Tristram Shandy, that will set brother against sister, mother against son, niece against uncle, in the fine tradition of Jarndyce vs. Jarndyce, ensuring years of stress, misery, and gigantic legal bills.

8th of 7, Aug 09 2017


       Indeed, you are highly qualified for chief editor...
RayfordSteele, Aug 09 2017

       Not into Dickens but this feels like a Muriel Spark plot device. As to implementation, you could have a few levels, ranging from the entire straightforward "conflicting claues" model (just a wee bit of post-shuffling buggeration) to a layered, interlocking nest of trusts and bequests and conditions. From an aesthetic point of view though I'd strongly prefer a non rambling contentious will, one that has the clean and well ordered appearance that reassures, benefic- victims before the fighting begins.
calum, Aug 09 2017

       And of course there's always the problem of the Sanity Clause...
8th of 7, Aug 09 2017

       Our great uncle Pippy Syckkes Buchanan-Buchanan-Fowldes bequeathed about 1200 acres, lying 50 miles south of Kingston, Jamaica to the Intercalary, on sole condition that it be maintained as a commercially viable sugar plantation. This would have been great, had it not been for the recent decline in the cane sugar prices and the 150m of seawater overlying the area.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 09 2017

       I want my belongings to be distributed Via a treasure hunt,
bob, Aug 10 2017

       There's a collection of interlocking services contracts, that I've had to work with lately, which was clearly produced by these very same BorgCo lawyers. Frequent recourse is required to the "it was like this when we got here, what else could we do?" defence.   

       Incidentally, what is the proper collective noun for a number of legal and financial instruments which refer to one another? A complex? A tangle? A bumf?
pertinax, Aug 10 2017

       a ballache
calum, Aug 10 2017

       a clusterfuck
RayfordSteele, Aug 10 2017


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