h a l f b a k e r y
Expensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Ever been invited to a party you just didn't want to go to?
Ever been on the never-ending blind date from hell?
Late for work for the third time this week and about to lose your job?
Fear no more. Dial An Excuse is the answer to your prayers.
Dial An Excuse is a clandestine subscriber-based
service designed to rescue you from any situation with one of many viable, believable excuses or reasons.
Sometimes, you just need a quick idea. Say, cousin Mel invited you to the Knicks game with him and you just want to sit around and watch T.V. all night, but you don't want to hurt his feelings. Well, Dial An Excuse to the rescue. For a $4.99 fee, call 1-800-9-COP-OUT, enter your login pin number and talk to one of our energetic excuse counselors. In 30 seconds, they'll access our vast computer database and retrieve a unique, believable excuse for you.
Need to take an excuse a step further? No problem. For an added fee, Dial An Excuse will provide you with the background info you need to tell that pesky someone where you'll be, what you'll be doing and why you can't be bothered. Further, they'll supply you with brochures, leaflets and official documents to prove you are simply "not able to make it this time."
A real crisis? Subscribers to Dial An Excuse's exclusive emergency pager line can simply hit a button on a keychain sized device. Immediately our crack staff will pull your file, contact you at home, work or you cell phone and work out the problem for you.
Late to work? Relax. Dial An Excuse will provide a sympathetic lacky to follow you into the office, insurrence forms in hand, appologizing profusely for rear ending you "just down the street." "And thank God no one was hurt and your car wasn't damaged! Mine's a mess, but hey, it was my fault."
He can tell your boss his car was just towed and he's going to finish exchanging info with you. And "Mr. Jones is so kind, he even agreed not to call the police."
Set up a special Dial An Excuse emergency action plan...You have that blind date coming up. It could be good, but it also could be really, really bad.
No problem. Let Dial An Excuse know where you'll be and at what time. Keep your pager handy. When trouble rears its head, just hit the button and we'll be on the phone to the restaraunt, movie theatre or other location immediately, desperately paging you because "your mother is gravely ill," or "We've called an emergency meeting at work. Get your ass in here or your fired!"
You need it. You got it. Fake doctor's excuses for those days it's just too nice to work. Back dated parcel delivery for when it needed to be there yesterday. Even fake funerals for when you want to shake that person FOREVER!
Call Dial An Excuse, where a good cop-out is only a phone call away.
Pocket Excuse Generator
[egnor, Mar 12 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
The Alibi Agency
Baked, for the biggest reason people want excuses. [egnor, Mar 12 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
||Stephen has had a mild case of the flu. Please excuse him from work from September 23 2002 until the 28.
Dr.Geogre Fields M.D.
|| I'm Allowing Ms.Jones
Back To Work On A Limited
Bases Only,due To Her
Surgery.For The Next 2-3
Weeks Ms.Brown Is Not Allowed
Up Or Down Any Stairs,Until
Her Stitches Have Dissolved
Or Have Been Removed.