Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Coronavirus golf ball

Jumping on the bandwagon
  [vote for,

A regular golf ball, printed in false colours to resemble a Coronavirus. Available as COV-SARS-2 and a large number of other strains and serotypes.

Deters theft, as those finding it and not knowing what it is will be scared of catching something nasty.

Also available from BorgCo, a matching set of Coronavirus club head covers.

Allows you to enjoy yourself out in the fresh air, where you think you're safe (but of course you're not).

8th of 7, Sep 29 2020

For the fishes https://www.albusgo...ine%20environments.
For golf on or near the ocean. [neutrinos_shadow, Sep 29 2020]

Crazy Golf https://www.hasting...f.com/crazygolf.asp
All golfers are mad anyway... [8th of 7, Oct 03 2020]


       Is there one with your head depicted on it? This might entice me to take up golf, provided the balls also exploded into a puff of harmless smoke and rained down grass seeds when they reached a predetermined height.
xenzag, Sep 29 2020

       We only do a version which detonates with enormous force when struck, spraying lethal copper shrapnel so as to inflict mortal injury on the striker, yet still being safe for those observing from a range outside the specified lethal radius.   

       Death usually occurs by gross hemorrhage from severed femoral arteries, and abdominal injuries. It's painful, distressing, and comparatively slow.   

       Post your address, we'll mail you a box of the balls and a set of clubs. No charge.
8th of 7, Sep 29 2020

       [+] to cancel best efforts of parasite auto boner. I think we all know who it is.
xenzag, Sep 29 2020

       We would prefer that you voted on the sole basis of the merit of the idea, rather than as an anti-Troll statement.   

       Though croissants are always welcome, they should be earned.
8th of 7, Sep 29 2020

       // Sorry I didn’t take time to expand on the bleeding obvious //   

       It doesn't bother us, and indeed your fishbone is quite possibly justified < Points at "Jumping on the bandwagon" subtitle/>, but please try to remember there are Canucks and Okers that read the hb too.   

       Well, they point at the words on the screen and their lips move. That's probably the best you're going to get from them, to be honest - a modest amount of fine motor control.
8th of 7, Sep 29 2020

       I'm not sure about "puff of harmless smoke and rained down grass seeds", but you can get golfballs that dissolve into fish food (linky).
neutrinos_shadow, Sep 29 2020

       I can't see golfers getting on with novelty and innovation in any meaningful way... they're still on blazers ffs. No, all innovation should be confined to very slight variations in club materials and design.
bs0u0155, Sep 29 2020

       //lethal copper shrapnel//   

       Why copper? You're not doing penetrators for a shaped charge, because, for that, you'd need to know the orientation of the ball at the point of detonation.   

       Meanwhile, I wonder how to go about a carnivorous golf ball. Perhaps it could jump out of the hole like a trapdoor spider. But you'd need a swarm of them to eat a whole golfer. They'd have to be able to dig the hole deeper, and then they'd need somewhere to hide the spoil.   

       Look, that golf buggy seems to be driving by itself; I wonder where it's going.   

       Anyway, there's your next horror franchise, after Sharknado.
pertinax, Sep 30 2020

       You misunderstand the bizarre ecology of scotchland.   

       Golf balls are the eggs of a truly horrific parasite. They rely on golfers to disperse them to new habits by hitting them into lakes or woodland.   

       There, theyhatch into immature haggis, and feed and grow. At this stage, some are caught and eaten by predators, who immediately regret it.   

       Finally, they pupate and emerge as the adult form - bagpipes- which attach themselves to their victims like the facehuggers from Alien. Terrible way to die...
8th of 7, Sep 30 2020

       //there are Canucks and Okers that read the hb too//   

       //they point at the words on the screen and their lips move//   

       Is that why we've never been assimilated?
Canuck, Oct 01 2020

       Sorry, but yes.   

       The bar's set pretty low, but all you ever seem to do is to try and pick it up and use it to beat other hockey players with.   

       It's fun to watch, and in a way it's still a useful selection criterion.   

       There are some bears (brown bears, not grizzlys; often they've already been recruited as hockey goalkeepers) that actually do better on the entrance exam than most Canucks ...
8th of 7, Oct 01 2020

       If they were practise balls, materials, flight characteristics could be played with by adding modeled spiky proteins, giving realism, a workout and fun.
wjt, Oct 02 2020

       Use of the word "fun" in conjunction with golf does seem more than a little incongruous.   

       Perhaps combined with that other surreal activity "Crazy Golf" <link> some very faint amusement might be had.
8th of 7, Oct 03 2020

       A path shot that is totally not expected, is definitely fun for those watching.
wjt, Oct 03 2020

       // those watching //   

       Those who watch golf can be conveniently divided into two groups:   

       (1) Other golfers, who are probably more deserving of pity than condemnation, and in need of immediate professional psychiatric aid, and   

       (2) Non-golfers, who use golf-watching as a practice for being dead, and who find fishing too fast-paced and exciting.
8th of 7, Oct 03 2020

       Even further up the idiocy scale are those actually play golf, The Gump being the perfect example. (aside - now he has the perfect opportunity to test out his bleach drinking cure)
xenzag, Oct 03 2020


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