Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Custard Ball

You know... for kicks!
(+3, -3)
  [vote for,

Ronaldo lined up the ball, setting his sights on the upper right corner of the goal. This one was going in, sealing the game and the championship for his team.

Little did Ronaldo know, the match ball had been substituted with a special multi-layer ball prepared by a secretive cabal of sports-haters known as halfbakers, with a sandwich filling of dilatant liquid between the inner and outer skins of the ball.

Ronaldo's foot swung in a powerful arc, contacting the ball perfectly. The force imparted by the swinging foot caused a sudden shear thickening in the dilatant layer, making the ball feel like a solid, rather than elastic, item.

Ronaldo's shot was wide; his foot broken; his dreams of a championship medal dust.

UnaBubba, May 03 2012

Flexible Armour System http://www.dowcorni...rotectionsystem.com
[AusCan531, May 04 2012]


       Ha - where have you been? [21]
xenzag, May 03 2012

       [+] for gratuitous malice directed against overpaid prima-donna footballers.
8th of 7, May 03 2012

       Of all codes, [8th]. Millions a year to be paid thugs.
UnaBubba, May 03 2012

       oh, I was wishing for a grand, formal event for evening wear made of custard!!
xandram, May 03 2012

       That's after the season decider.
UnaBubba, May 03 2012

       Some big sloth would figure it out quickly and eat the ball, BEFORE the game could ever be played.
blissmiss, May 03 2012

       // Millions a year to be paid thugs //   

       We would qualify this by making it clear that said malice extends only to those participating in Association Football; Rugby players are indeed also paid thugs, but manage it with fewer histrionics and rather more style.
8th of 7, May 03 2012

       If we've tar on the brush we might as well paint all of them the one colour. Soccer, Rugbys League and Union, Australian Rules, American Football, Gaelic Football, Futsal... They all seem to provide the perfect growing conditions for overactive ego glands.
UnaBubba, May 03 2012

       //I don't think such a thin layer would have any noticeable effect...//   

       I must object as I know this to be incorrect.   

       I once filled small balloon-animal balloons with a dilatant and then stitched those to the back-side of a pair of gloves in-line with the bones of my hand. So maybe an 8th of an inch thickness.
I could then punch a 90 degree metal corner molding with full force and it felt like slugging a side of beef.
Same effect when I smacked the back of my hand into that same corner.

       Not even a bruise.   

       That's a truly fucking odd mind you have there, [2fries], and that's coming from me.
UnaBubba, May 04 2012

       I was planning a line of lightweight mechanics gloves and flexible kids bike helmets at the time.
I 'hate' smashing my hands wrenching on cold vehicles in the winter.

       Hate it I say!   

       Nothing quite like using a 3ft pry bar to pull out a big, rusty nail and crushing fingertips between wall and bar, when it finally lets go.
UnaBubba, May 04 2012

       //I was planning a line of lightweight mechanics gloves and flexible kids bike helmets//   

       Go for it [2 Fries]. I'd suggest flexible knee and elbow pads for the skateboarding and scootering crowd. Get one 'trendy' leader to wear a set on Youtube then wait for the mail orders to come flooding in. What changed your mind?
AusCan531, May 04 2012

       Never mind - baked. See [link]
AusCan531, May 04 2012

       Sell them under the brandname "Busted Custard"?
UnaBubba, May 04 2012

       Discovering dilatant toques for snowboarders let me know I was a little late to the ball... so to speak.   

       //toques// "Beanies" for the Aussies and "Knitted Caps" for the Pommies.
AusCan531, May 04 2012


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