Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Diarrhea rape prevention

Overpower your assailant
  (+6, -19)(+6, -19)(+6, -19)
(+6, -19)
  [vote for,

We've heard the message often from films such as Karate Kid III: "Extreme situations call for extreme measures." This rape protection kit consists of a small cylinder filled with compressed synthetic diarrhea, carried conveniently in a pocket, and a 1/2" nylon tube that is inserted in the underwear and kept there. When a woman finds herself in an undefendable situation, she simply presses a hidden panic button which quietly blows the load into her shorts. The overwhelming stench and/or mere sight of the mess affects the assailant on a primal level, completely revolting him and compelling him to get away. The sexual assault is thwarted. Of course this system may not work on certain perverts or murderers. Perfect against ill-behaved first dates, abusive ex-boyfriends, and creepy coworkers.

Also available with fake worms and/or corn for extra deterrence. Substance is harmless; shower thoroughly within two hours of exposure.

mrnesbit, Apr 23 2001

Kung Flu http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Kung_20Flu
[mrthingy, Jun 18 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]


       A diarrheanger?
thumbwax, Apr 23 2001

       In the real world it might lead to rape rage, but may work in some situations. Women, what say you?
Dog Ed, Apr 23 2001

       There's a device, a sonic device which produces super low frequencies disallowing the victim to control his (or hers) bowel functions... just point it to the aggressor and pull the trigger. European police uses it when pursuing a fugitive on foot. It even works through walls!
ZAKK, Apr 23 2001

       South Park had an episode about what they called "brown noise."
nick_n_uit, Apr 24 2001

       "Strategies like throwing up, urinating, defecating, or acting crazy are very risky, for women have paid with their lives for disgusting rapists by losing bowel control out of fear."   

       - Candice DeLong, "Special Agent"
jutta, May 01 2001

       There. Thanks for bringing a few facts to the table, Peter and jutta. If those girls at the eMpTyV stage had been cops, it would be a felony. The point jutta brought forth is completely viable as well. What would be a real deterrent that does not exist?
thumbwax, May 01 2001

       Along UnaBubba's tangent, act like you are going along with it, tell him you want to touch him "there", get your hand on his testicles, and squeeze. It only takes 4 psi of pressure to "pop" one...and he will pass out.
missyroo, Aug 16 2001

       So, mrnesbit, if you were being attacked by a rapist, would you trust your life and safety to a canister of shit? Probably not. Far better to attack weak parts of the body, eyes and testicles as already mentioned, also nose, larynx, ears, penis. It's probably very effective to clamp down on some projecting sensitive part with the teeth and tear a piece off. Also the larynx can be easily crushed with a fist, foot, etc.
dj_photon, Sep 24 2001

       It's a crap idea.
ChadValiantJnr, Sep 24 2001

       Straight out of a Farrelly Brothers screenplay, mrnesbit. Is your name Charlie or Lloyd, by any chance? And do you own an orange tuxedo or a huge flesh-colored marital enhancer?
Sparki, Sep 25 2001

       I envisage a huge weight, with 10 TON engraved on it, piling down on any possible attacker but I can't for the life of me work out how it would be triggered.
po, Sep 25 2001

       Bluetooth enabled nanite custard.
StarChaser, Sep 29 2001

       po... The trigger's gotta be one of those nifty dynomite trigger-boxes you see on the cartoons. That would be cool...
RayfordSteele, Dec 31 2001

po, Dec 31 2001

       He's talking about the detonator boxes used in cartoons for years. Big box with a T shaped handle.
StarChaser, Dec 31 2001

       There were actually some anti-rape ideas patented which were way worse, including a tube with super-glue and a guillotine and even a block with an affixed spear...OUCH
Saruman, Jun 17 2002

       I think this product is amazing. Luckily for me I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and was able to fend off an attacker by having diarrhea in his lap. I think all women who do not have access to loose bowels should buy this product because it seams to be a useful tool in grossing perverts out. Thank you for this information. I will pass it on.
andreaG, Aug 09 2002

       [mrnesbit], no. Just no. That is all.
vigilante, Oct 07 2004

       I was expecting that post to finish: -pmboy2000, Apr22 2001
wagster, Oct 07 2004

       Why is this in 'health: general'? Surely neither rape or diarrhea are particulrly healthy. (and yes I will stop calling you Shirley)
etherman, Oct 07 2004

       TMI [jsp].
RayfordSteele, Nov 12 2004

       I busted my guts laughing so hard at the title of this idea. Also, what [etherman] said!
quantum_flux, Feb 10 2008


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