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Dissolve-a-dog

Disembarked (thanks [bigsleep]!
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This is only half a halfbaked idea but may have applications even so.

Hyaluronidases are quite good at dissolving connective tissue matrix, to the extent that if you fill a bath with warm water, mix a few teaspoonfuls of the stuff in and step in, you will rapidly turn into human soup. There are various immune system and respiratory problems with being in this state.

However, it could be quite useful for dog storage. Suppose your dog is too big or you want two smaller dogs instead of one big one, or is ill in a way which does not fundamentally damage its metabolism. Go down your local pet shop and buy a "dissolve-a-dog" kit consisting of some steriliser, a tank, an aquarium pump and some sachets of Ringer's lactate, sodium chlorate, barium peroxide, hyaluronidase and xenon trioxide.

First, carefully heat the xenon trioxide so it explodes, producing xenon. Anaesthetise the dog. Sterilise everything, then dissolve the Ringer's lactate and hyaluronidase in the tank. Heat the sodium chlorate and pass the gas through barium peroxide to remove the chlorine, then pump the oxygen supply through the tank. Warm the tank to about twenty degrees centigrade or lower - whatever you can get away with. Then, take the dog and immerse it in the solution. It will gradually dissolve, but this will not technically kill it because its cells will survive. This will also induce hypothermia and reduce the dog's requirement for oxygen.

Having dissolved and stored your dog, you can do a number of things. A terminally ill dog is often no longer terminally ill because it's now a soup of cells. Rather than fobbing your kids off with some story about it going to live on a farm in Wales, you can now just say the dog is still alive - you could even send it off to a farm in Wales if you want, and it would actually be true. You could also go on holiday and feed it parenterally, as it were, perhaps with a few flakes of digested dog food. No kennel fees. If you can only afford to buy one guard dog, you could pour the dog solution in a moat around your house and have it defend the whole property. If you want two small dogs or one smaller dog, you could separate the liquids into two or more portions or pour off a bit.

There is just one problem with this. How do you recrystallise your dog? Just that small problem needs to be solved and it'll be fine.

Oh, and this would be much easier to do with insects, using a somewhat different method.

nineteenthly, Sep 20 2010

John George Haigh... http://en.wikipedia...i/John_George_Haigh
...had a rather similar idea. [DrBob, Sep 20 2010]

Oddly, dissolving isn't one of the listed side effects. http://www.hylenex.com/prescribing.html
[mouseposture, Sep 21 2010]

Mouse with human ear on it's back http://images.searc...qq5a&sigb=12daah91r
And you think that zit you got the day of your prom was bad. [doctorremulac3, Sep 21 2010]

[link]






       PLEASE tell me this works on cats, too...
Grogster, Sep 20 2010
  

       To the extent that it works on dogs.
nineteenthly, Sep 20 2010
  

       Works for me. Bun [+]
Grogster, Sep 20 2010
  

       //if you fill a bath with warm water, mix a few teaspoonfuls of the stuff in and step in, you will rapidly turn into human soup//   

       I'm not saying this isn't so. I'm just asking for some supporting data, or a definition of "rapidly".
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 20 2010
  

       Oh, and <applause> for [big]'s anno.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 20 2010
  

       Rapidly would depend on the temperature i suppose. I can tell you the approximate source for this information but i can't cite: one of the academics in the school of biological sciences, Leicester Uni, twenty-three years ago. However, clearly hyaluronidase would do this or there would be no gingivitis, and enzymes are frequently very busy.
nineteenthly, Sep 20 2010
  

       // tell me this works on cats, //   

       Nitric acid works just as well ...   

       #include <EOSSACR.H>
8th of 7, Sep 20 2010
  

       //recrystallise your dog// I didn't realize they were crystalline to begin with.
Surely the proper place for a Reformed Crystalline Pooch would be chasing Mercedes Crystals in orbit?
  

       //bundle that with BORG.H// No. Can't do that. It's [8th]'s feline antipathy that keeps him an individualist among the hive. Take away that difference, and we'll have the whole damn collective in here, assimilating the server & trying to give Jutta cybernetic implants. What a mess!
lurch, Sep 20 2010
  

       [ of ], you'd prefer the nitric acid method for cats then?
nineteenthly, Sep 20 2010
  

       //How do you recrystallise your dog?//   

       Didn't they do something like this on the original Star Trek? Except they didn't need a bathtub. And it was crystallization and decrystallization instead of soupification and desoupification.
ldischler, Sep 20 2010
  

       They found a way to crystallise redshirts. Maybe it could be adapted to red setters but i can't see it working on a poodle.
nineteenthly, Sep 20 2010
  

       // the whole damn collective in here //   

       Weird, you say that almost as if it would be a bad thing ...
8th of 7, Sep 20 2010
  

       Water Spaniel.   

       Oh, Haigh dissolved people but kept their dogs, as I recall. Such an humane creature.
infidel, Sep 20 2010
  

       Apparently, doctors have been injecting hyaluronidase subcutaneously, intravenously, intracervically, and intraocularly for years <link>. (Who knew? Not me.) Surprisingly, "patient dissolved" has not been reported as an adverse event. However the only doses I can find are in International Units -- until we know how many IU to the teaspoon, this idea is still technically afloat. [+]
mouseposture, Sep 21 2010
  

       oops, I just stepped in a poodle.
jaksplat, Sep 21 2010
  

       [Mouseposture], all hyaluronidases are not necessarily created equal. I expect there are bacterial ones and vertebrate ones of different strengths. It's more important for, say, a macrophage in your lungs not to kill you, but pemphigus, for example, involves a human immune response which is pretty dramatic. Something would work.
nineteenthly, Sep 21 2010
  

       "Hi and welcom to Vet-Chat. Line one, go ahead."   

       "Yes, my dog isn't his normal playful self, he never wants to play catch and doesn't seem to enjoy our long walks any more. What could be the problem?"   

       "Hmm. Has he been dissolved?"   

       "Yes."   

       "Yea, that tends to play havoc with a dog's playful nature. He can still be a good pet, but you need to realize he's at that stage where he's a pile of goo now so don't ask too much of him. And remember, depending on the solvent used, he's a potentially very volatile explosive now so try to keep him away from open flame ok? Line two..."
doctorremulac3, Sep 21 2010
  

       "Can I drink him?"
infidel, Sep 21 2010
  

       Only if you want to be with him again in the afterlife.
doctorremulac3, Sep 21 2010
  

       "Playing chase with Fido, in Elysian fields."
infidel, Sep 21 2010
  

       Wasn't there something recently done with growing cells onto a cartilage frame? Replacement ears or something? That might help reconstitute your dog.   

       Although the shape might be different from what you started with.   

       (There's a picture of a human ear growing on the back of a mouse that I am NOT linking to.)
baconbrain, Sep 21 2010
  

       ... so I'll do it for you.   

       Don't forget to remove the mouse before sewing it on.
doctorremulac3, Sep 21 2010
  

       Yes, the thing to do would probably be to grow it onto some kind of substrate but i don't know how far you'd get with it. You could probably get a trachea and some ears. It could maybe be done on a piece of coral or something.
nineteenthly, Sep 21 2010
  

       Nail the mouse to a wall. It's an espionage thing.
infidel, Sep 24 2010
  

       Ha! [jaksplat].   
      
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