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ESA
Education Security Administration | |
In reaction to the terrible events at Virginia Tech, an Education Security Administration (ESA) will be created and dispatched to all college campuses, with future expansion to high schools and eventually grade and pre-schools. Every student, teacher, administrator and service person will be thoroughly
screened for potential weapons such as liquid explosives, shoe bombs, box cutters, etc. by minimum wage earning ex-convicts using the latest technology supplied by well connected defense contractors. Aside from preventing future campus tragedies, this hugely expanded market for security devices will drive profits and stock values up, boosting the entire U.S. economy (a rising tide lifts all boats).
As an added bonus, students will learn to cooperate with authorities from an early age with random strip searches, mistaken identity incarceration, routine violations of civil rights and other valuable security enhancing techniques. Asian and Arabic students in particular will be subject to random searches, detainment and interrogation in Guantanamo, black prisons scattered throughout Eastern Europe or at the hands of allied Middle Eastern interrogators in Saudi Arabia, Turkey, etc.
ESA
http://www.esa.int [coprocephalous, Apr 18 2007]
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//a rising tide lifts all boats// - but
sinks those that are anchored. |
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A society subject to punitive searches
and imprisonment... Stalin or Hitler
would have approved. |
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The problem isn't them getting weapons into the school. |
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And how do you get all the students coming in and out of an open campus? Heck, some campuses aren't even unified (They are scattered around several blocks). |
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Well, some of us recognize irony, anyway, [nuclearhobo] |
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I thought he was being serious at first. |
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//a rising tide lifts all boats// - but sinks those that are anchored.// Excellent! I've been looking for the corollary to that for some time. |
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What a falling tide does to those that are tied too tight to the bollards on the quayside is amusing, too. |
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Well , it works for airport security...oh, wait a minute... |
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