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ESA

Education Security Administration
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In reaction to the terrible events at Virginia Tech, an Education Security Administration (ESA) will be created and dispatched to all college campuses, with future expansion to high schools and eventually grade and pre-schools. Every student, teacher, administrator and service person will be thoroughly screened for potential weapons such as liquid explosives, shoe bombs, box cutters, etc. by minimum wage earning ex-convicts using the latest technology supplied by well connected defense contractors. Aside from preventing future campus tragedies, this hugely expanded market for security devices will drive profits and stock values up, boosting the entire U.S. economy (“a rising tide lifts all boats”).

As an added bonus, students will learn to cooperate with authorities from an early age with random strip searches, mistaken identity incarceration, routine violations of civil rights and other valuable security enhancing techniques. Asian and Arabic students in particular will be subject to random searches, detainment and interrogation in Guantanamo, black prisons scattered throughout Eastern Europe or at the hands of allied Middle Eastern interrogators in Saudi Arabia, Turkey, etc.

nuclear hobo, Apr 18 2007

ESA http://www.esa.int
[coprocephalous, Apr 18 2007]

[link]






       //“a rising tide lifts all boats”// - but sinks those that are anchored.   

       A society subject to punitive searches and imprisonment... Stalin or Hitler would have approved.
xenzag, Apr 18 2007
  

       The problem isn't them getting weapons into the school.   

       And how do you get all the students coming in and out of an open campus? Heck, some campuses aren't even unified (They are scattered around several blocks).
Night, Apr 18 2007
  

       Well, some of us recognize irony, anyway, [nuclearhobo]
Cosh i Pi, Apr 18 2007
  

       I thought he was being serious at first.
theleopard, Apr 18 2007
  

       //“a rising tide lifts all boats”// - but sinks those that are anchored.// Excellent! I've been looking for the corollary to that for some time.
nuclear hobo, Apr 18 2007
  

       What a falling tide does to those that are tied too tight to the bollards on the quayside is amusing, too.
Cosh i Pi, Apr 18 2007
  

       Perfect!
Galbinus_Caeli, Apr 18 2007
  

       Well , it works for airport security...oh, wait a minute...
DrCurry, Apr 18 2007
  
      
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