Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Edible Skirting

For emergencies only.
  (+5, -8)
(+5, -8)
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against]

Picture this: you're just lazing around on the couch one sunny Sunday afternoon, when you get a phone call from a friend. He/she firmly asserts that they are coming around for lunch, whether you like it or not.

You get to thinking, he/she is a new addition to your inner circle, and you want to impress her/him with your marvellous (albeit non-existent) cullinary skill. So you get to making a big French cheesey omelette, complete with 15$ mushrooms and stuffed olives.

However, all does not go as planned, and you end up making little more than a big mess on the floor. Sighing, you head to the laundry to get a mop. You are just beginning to decide on which pizza place to order from when WHOOPS. You slip over, landing on your terminally sensitive back, which you have been having operations on since you fell out of a treehouse when you were five. You feel that something's been knocked out of place and every move you make spurs intense pain from your spine.

Hours pass. Your friend has come and gone. You are beginning to get hungry. You know you will not last long enough without food for someone to come and find you. You will die.... unless... You suddenly remember the Black Pudding composite skirting you purchased for your apartment a year back, for it's shiny black texture. You are inches away from it and, after a minute or so of delicate shuffling, you sink your teeth into it and have a greasy, yet much-needed and desired meal.

A few days later, and after several servings of congealed pigs blood, you are found by an inquisitive neighbour and, before you know it, you are lying in a hospital bed, puking into a bucket at the side.

The skirting could be covered by a hard protein-composite that keeps out bugs, but allows easy access for a pair of experienced Human chompers.

Honduras, Dec 24 2005

large mammals who emit too much gas. http://news.scotsma...d.cfm?id=2455542005
[po, Dec 24 2005]

Square watermelons. http://images.googl...en%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 01 2006]

[link]






       I don't want to make an enemy, nor is this tit for tat...but what the fuck are you on about?   

       How is it that your "bloody skirt" just happens to be within arms length?
blissmiss, Dec 24 2005
  

       Skirting is the (usually) wooden lining that bars the intersection of the wall and the floor, if you didn't know that already. Say you live in an apartment. There isn't a lot of space in apartments, so the skirting would most likely be within arms length.
Honduras, Dec 24 2005
  

       Gottcha. Skirting to me is an item women wear, while wearing, and/or dancing around an issue.   

       My skirtings would be out of arms reach unless I fell close to the wall. Otherwise leggings would come in handy. (Gosh, lots of limbs tossed out here.)
blissmiss, Dec 24 2005
  

       I suppose you'd just have to shuffle bit until you could reach it. If you're hungry enough, that shouldnt be much hassle.
Honduras, Dec 24 2005
  

       now, I'd have written this *idea* in 2 lines.
po, Dec 24 2005
  

       Go ahead, then. If I had done that no-one would have bothered to post anything. I wrote it long to emphasise it's importance.
Honduras, Dec 24 2005
  

       A thing also done by pounding a hairy, (if ya got it), chest.   

       Waits' just a minute. Is school out for the holidays? Oh my God, I just got ran over by a reindeer. Where's Unabubba when you need him.   

       Could someone sound the alert?
blissmiss, Dec 24 2005
  

       one time I had to eat a hoof
drummer37, Dec 24 2005
  

       why blood? what is it about bloody inventions?   

       how about making the skirting out of pressed custard powder? tastier, safer, more nutritious and more environmentally sound. lets support our local custard farmers!   

       funny link [po]. perfect xmas card.
rainbow, Dec 24 2005
  

       See, I would have called this Wuvverwy Wainscotting, but that's just me.   

       Black pudding is good, for sure, but I am not convinved that it is necessarily hardy enough a foodstuff to make an acceptable skirting. Plus, it's black and black skirting requires black walls which require a notionally Satanist owner/occupier, and you don't want to be too specific with your target market. So, perhaps instead make the wainscotting out of iced christmas/wedding cake. That stuff keeps for generations (indeed, it is intended to) and the pristine white icing can be jazzed up to match Changing Rooms-inspired primary coloured wall daubings.
calum, Dec 24 2005
  

       That way you can have your cake, live in it, and eat it.
Ian Tindale, Dec 24 2005
  

       and feed the mice...
po, Dec 24 2005
  

       <droool>
The Kat, Dec 24 2005
  

       You're going to die of thirst, not starvation.   

       //cullinary// sp. cullionly.
lurch, Dec 24 2005
  

       That's why I envisioned black pudding. If all else fails, drink blood!
Honduras, Dec 25 2005
  

       Not my favorite invention but certainly halfbaked.
bristolz, Dec 25 2005
  

       I was enthusiastically in favor of this idea until I read the description. I too think of skirting as [blissmiss] does, with the wearing and the dancing and the tossing of limbs.   

       Ok, probably not exactly the same as [blissmiss] does, but the noun is the same.
bungston, Dec 27 2005
  

       You've heard of "skirting boards"? Those long wooden things along the bottom edge of a wall, against the floor, with &#8745; shaped holes in, where cartoon mice live in?
Ian Tindale, Dec 27 2005
  

       Er...what shape does that render on your computer, [Ian]? On mine it's just an entity number 8745.   

       Over here those boards are called "base molding" or "base trim" or just "base."
bristolz, Dec 27 2005
  

       Er, same here. But that fits the mice we get over here, perfectly. It was an inverted U shape when I copied it from the KDE character selector and pasted it into the box on the page, just now.
Ian Tindale, Dec 27 2005
  

       Ah.
bristolz, Dec 27 2005
  

       Spam Skirting? well it's making a comeback.
rainbow, Dec 27 2005
  

       Spam? Yuk! Definately not! That stuff'll kill you!
Honduras, Dec 27 2005
  

       [marked–for–deletion] then i could keep edible shed.
rainbow, Dec 28 2005
  

       What's with the [mfd]?
bristolz, Dec 28 2005
  

       No, you can't make a relatively feeble echo of an idea, then stand up and ask for the original to be deleted so you can keep yours. You're going to have to eat crow.
Ian Tindale, Dec 28 2005
  

       rainbow's new - possibly!   

       mfd - crow?
po, Dec 28 2005
  

       i was joking children. although it has actually got more buns!   

       <eats crow>
rainbow, Dec 28 2005
  

       good try, rainbow!
po, Dec 28 2005
  

       my current understanding of the 'bakery...half very serious, half very silly. the serious ideas we treat seriously and try our best to further the cause of human knowledge and invention. the silly ideas we laugh at and try to be funny about (stress try).   

       am i wrong?
rainbow, Dec 29 2005
  

       What [lurch] said. Maybe liquid filled floor boards, with tiny plugged access holes throughout--always carry a straw.
Zuzu, Dec 30 2005
  

       ridiculous! +
benfrost, Dec 31 2005
  

       //You're going to die of thirst, not starvation// Watermelon skirting?
wagster, Jan 01 2006
  

       Well they are growing them square now. link   
      
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