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Edible haemorrhoid cream

Zap those hard to reach piles whilst retaining a sense of dignity
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Apparently, one in three people in the world suffers from haemorrhoids (piles) at any one time. Piles are conventionally treated with a simple cream that one must apply manually. These are effective enough for external haemorrhoids, but what about those ones situated 'where the sun don't shine'? Sure, most creams come with an applicator, but they're about as comfortable as..well, sticking a tube up your butt. How about an orally adminstered pile remedy, perhaps in the form of a capsule or pill, that will work its way down to the business end; they could attack haemorrhoids more directly, and spare your the humiliating and awkward ritual of applying creams with your finger.
a121509, Jun 04 2003

[link]






       *whew*
bun for the sucker-punch
thumbwax, Jun 04 2003
  

       How does it work?
<Totters off to medicine cabinet><totters back>
"Active ingredients of Anusol: Bismuth oxide, Balsam Peru, Zinc oxide." So these are the bad boys that zap the 'roids, I'm assuming. But the cooling nature of the cream comes as much from the general physical properties as it does from the magical chemicals. If the medicine is administered orally, there is none of the immediate soothing relief one experiences when //applying creams with your finger//
my face your, Jun 04 2003
  

       What's humiliating about applying it? Presumably you do it in private and not in the tea-making area at work.
sild, Jun 04 2003
  

       I am rather clueless regarding this peculiar practice. One, two, three, four...Did you mean "four out of five"?
Tiger Lily, Jun 04 2003
  

       But I don't want edible haemorrhoids.
whimsickle, Jun 04 2003
  

       I was imagining someone able to relieve your pain by applying the edible cream with their tongue.
goober, Jun 04 2003
  
      
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