Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Electrospray urinal

Because Hippo told me to.
  (+14, -1)(+14, -1)
(+14, -1)
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It would appear that many male half bakers have problem peeing in the right direction. Why this should be, I don't know. I don't want to boast, but I do pride myself on being able to hit an 18-inch wide bowl or urinal from a distance of 18 inches. After all, you can afford to be out by about 0.6 radians in any direction.

However, for those who have problems, I offer the Electrospray Urinal. It comes in two parts.

The first part is a discreet metal plate, on which the urinator stands. Rubber footwear should be removed at this point. The plate is connected to a van der Giraffe generator (which, optionally, can be activated by a pressure sensor beneath the pad), charging the superincumbent person up to several kilovolts (either polarity is fine).

The second part is the bowl or urinal, which has a metal liner. The liner is charged with the opposite polarity to the metal plate.

To use, just unzip, point your penis anywhere in the general direction of the bowl or urinal, and wait.

The electrospray technique is used in mass spectroscopy and other applications. It relies on the fact that a highly-charged liquid (eg urine) wants to get away from itself very badly. At a sufficiently high voltage, it will spontaneously flow out of the end of a nozzle (eg a penis), in a jet of almost exquisitely small droplets. No effort is required on your part. These droplets fan out (to escape one another, being highly and similarly charged), and spontaneously split into a succession of ever smaller droplets as they go.

The key, of course, is to have the bowl or urinal at the opposite polarity. The fan of droplets emerging from the urinator will curve inwards, making a beeline (technically, a peeline) for the metal liner of the receptacle.

There is one important point to note. Athough it doesn't matter which way round the plate and receptacle are wired (ie, positive to negative, or vice versa), it is extremely important that all Electrospray Urinals in a multi-urinal setting are wired with the same polarity. If they are not, on no account cross the streams.

MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 03 2007

Electrospray http://www.eng.yale.../timeline/1990.html
[MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 03 2007]

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       That is awful. (+)
GutPunchLullabies, Oct 03 2007

       In which sense?
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 03 2007

       As the electrospray technique makes aiming a nonissue, will it be suitable for use by ladies as well? This would definitely cut down on the difference in male and female line lengths at certain events.   

       Considering polarity... I know car batteries are set up in a certain polarity not because of operational reasons, but because of galvanic corrosional reasons.   

       Will the electrospray urinal be likely to have any problems regarding the galvanic corrosion of penile tissue?
ye_river_xiv, Dec 29 2008

       Might also help those of islamic faith not pee in the direction of mecca...
4whom, Dec 29 2008

       I think the car-spray technique involves lower voltages; the spray is generated conventionally, but a charge on the car body helps to attract the droplets into crevices. Not completely different, though.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 29 2008

       I don't know whether to mourn for my loss of intellectual prowess or celebrate because I got to enjoy this idea all over again.
Voice, Jul 02 2015

       Skip the footplate and simply have a copper bar or plate you lean on/hold on with your "free" hand. Copper because you won't transfer germs.   

       Here I was thinking electrospray and DC weld spray techniques required the material be negatively charged.
Custardguts, Jul 02 2015


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