Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ether brewed

Do not make the water work!
  [vote for,

Water must be so hot and must work so hard to get the goodness out of those ground beans. Ether can do that stuff at room temperature with one hand tied behind its gaseous and sweet smelling back. The water can shuffle in later after all the work is done and just get drunk.

1. Grind coffee beans

2. Soak in ether

3. Filter out grounds

4. Pour in tall thin cup.

5. Set top of coffee on fire. Flame will occur at top of cup where there is adequate oxygen. Under flame will be low pressure encouraging volatilization of ether.

6. When ether has been flamed off, add water of desired temperature.

7. Drink! A little hint of ethery goodness will do you no lastng harm.

bungston, Mar 16 2013

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       I am very nearly dumb enough to try this.   

       However, I am skeptical. Anything soluble in ether is unlikely to be soluble in water, and vice versa. Thusfore, this might simply be a way of creating a small smouldering slick of hydrophobic coffee extracts stuck to the bottom of a coffee cup.   

       Ethanol might work better, in the sense of working slightly less badly.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 16 2013

       // A little hint of ethery goodness will do you no lastng harm. //   

       Although in combination with a tiny static discharge or a smoldering cigarette it may do some immediate harm.   

       Would this work with tea? I've always fancied an exploding breakfast beverage.
Alterother, Mar 16 2013

       I had pondered ethanol for this use. It seemed too prosaic but I agree it has the AC/DC powers needed to optimally remove both hydrophobic and hydrophilic stuff.   

       I had the idea that maybe the oils and such (hydrophobic bits) are not dissolved by the water but merely rendered less viscous / more volatile by the heat and then washed out. Dissolving them will get them out better. Keeping them cool will keep them in the cup.   

       Thinking along those lines, probably this would be best done cold, with ether then removed under vacuum.   

       The hydrophilic stuff, on the other hand, does get dissolved in the water. It is this stuff which persists in the coffee after it has sat for too long on the warmer and all the tasty oils volatilize off into the room. That hydrophobic stuff contains all that is evil in coffee and with the ether brew, that stuff stays in the grounds.   

       I wonder if the ether brew would even be brown? What if it is just the yin with none of the yang? Sort of like Kirk after that transporter accident when he got split into good Kirk and bad Kirk.
bungston, Mar 16 2013

       Ether Coffee Flambé!! The "ethery goodness" will most certainly take me back to that dreamy (albeit slightly horrific) time when I was just a wee five-year-old GROG getting my tonsils hacked out in a local hospital with what felt afterward like a dull rusty machete. Ether was the anesthesia of choice in that place. Add ice cream afterwards, and the flashback will be complete!   

       A hearty GROG bun from me, young man! [+]
Grogster, Mar 17 2013

       There have in the past been such things as ether herbal tinctures. I find such an idea extremely strange. I'm now wondering about trying other solvents for coffee grounds experimentally. Maybe vinegar?
nineteenthly, Mar 18 2013

       I like this. [+] The original idea and the annos starts me wondering about approaching coffee brewing from the other direction by coming up with a solvent which dissolves the all the bad stuff leaving the goodness behind....
AusCan531, Mar 18 2013

       I've made an ethanol extract of coffee. The flavour is good, but lacks something ... Some recipes for coffee liqueur call for an extraction with ethanol then with water, while others start with espresso coffee.   

       Anyway, I'll try evaporating the ethanol and reconstituting with water. I'd gladly do the same with ether, but it's a little hard to procure these days.
spidermother, Mar 19 2013

       Acetone is easy to come by, and more ethereal than ethanol.
bungston, Mar 19 2013

       I'm almost convinced kopi luwak is a scam thought up by someone whose coffee beans all got eaten by civets.
nineteenthly, Mar 19 2013

       You can get less expensive Cat shit “coffee” if you don't mind what the cat has eaten.
pocmloc, Mar 20 2013

       Supercritical xenon is used in large quantities to get the caffeine out of coffee beans. Although why you'd want to is beyond me, unless its to add the caffeine to your next cup of regular coffee for extra kick.
sqeaketh the wheel, Mar 22 2013

       Anyways, I thought the Michleson-Morely experiment proved that there is no ether.
sqeaketh the wheel, Mar 22 2013

       I don't know a Michleson or a Morely but I've got a canister of starter fluid in the cab of my truck that would suggest they may be wrong.
Alterother, Mar 22 2013

       [sqeak] you should really nail that 'E' key down: it keeps jumping all over the place.
FlyingToaster, Mar 22 2013

       [sp] Michelson–Morley
Anyways, its all relative.
sqeaketh the wheel, Mar 22 2013

       It always is.
Alterother, Mar 22 2013

       I once put tea leaves under the pressure of my home espresso machine to see if there were any other flavours to extract. I just got slightly stronger tea than usual.   

       I don't have the inclination to dither whether either ether or ethanol withers Heather's feathers, or whither others' ethereal tea heaters rather neither ether. Now say that ten times fast.
not_only_but_also, May 21 2013

       //the Michleson-Morely experiment proved that there is no ether//   

       When an overstretched metaphor (such as the "wave" metaphor) twangs like that, there ought to be way to measure the echo.
pertinax, May 21 2013


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