Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Every Day Situation Ejector Seat

Using airbag technology
  [vote for,

"Hey, have you heard about how the Illuminati are grinding up bigfoot droppings and spraying them in chemtrails?"

Not a conversation you want to join? Just push the button in your pocket and be safely ejected several yards into the air. Your parachute opens and you float gently to the ground several yards away, unscathed.

doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2014

Like so http://www.youtube....watch?v=j6YLIwzbbyM
Forward to :30 [doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2014]


       // unscathed //   

       Presumably you are aware that ejector seats cause severe compression of the spine, and that having "banged out" a couple of times, aircrew are normally transferred to duty on equipment that doesn't have ejector seats ?   

       Use of an ejector seat by an untrained person will result in serious, crippling injury, if not death.   

       But hey, don't let us stop you from doing a public demo of this …
8th of 7, Aug 04 2014

       //ejector seats cause severe compression of the spine//   

       Easily solved with a downward-firing ejector seat.
bs0u0155, Aug 04 2014

       //ejector seats cause severe compression of the spine//   

       Beats talking to a Scientologist.
doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2014

       I'd say a horizontal firing (in all directions) ejector seat is exactly what's called for here.   

       You don't actually go anywhere, but all of a sudden there's about a 5m clear zone around you, and some crispy charcoal bits where the source of the annoyance used to be.
MechE, Aug 04 2014

       An ejector seat for the droning TV or extraneous speaker ? Be a brave speaker to face a full auditorium of people with THE button.   

       5 percent of the audience hates the speech, and you explosively out the back door and into the dumpster.
popbottle, Aug 04 2014

       This is nothing that Dial-a-Smite can't handle. As a matter of fact, I suspect that whomever is in charge of it has been rather asleep at the wheel as of late, given the current state of the world.
RayfordSteele, Aug 04 2014

       Why is it not possible to create an ejector seat with 1/2 the acceleration to reduce spine compression? I can see that on fighter jets they may have had to compromise to reduce the chance of getting hit by the airplane's tail, but generally that's not a problem when escaping a conversation.
scad mientist, Aug 04 2014

       Could probably get the same effect with a rocket pack which would stretch and align the spine.
doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2014

       The harness on a rocket pack applies most of the force to the pelvis; the shoulder straps are just for balance. The vertical forces on the spine are much lower, though.   

       // generally that's not a problem when escaping a conversation. //   

       You're not married, are you ?
8th of 7, Aug 04 2014


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