Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Face Lumping

  (+3, -11)(+3, -11)
(+3, -11)
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Two opposing participants first flip a coin to see who goes first.

They then take their positions 50' apart standing on a line from which they cannot move.

The object of the game is to knock your opponent unconscious with a 5 lb lump hammer/mallet before he has an opportunity to do the same to you.

vfrackis, Aug 13 2010

T'dr'duzk b'hazg t't http://en.wikipedia...rfs_%28Discworld%29
"Today is a good day for someone else to die !" [8th of 7, Aug 13 2010]

The Book of Heroic Failures http://en.wikipedia..._of_Heroic_Failures
By Stphen PIle. [8th of 7, Aug 15 2010]

We can remember it for you wholesale. http://en.wikipedia...t_for_You_Wholesale
We offer Total Recall ... [8th of 7, Aug 15 2010]


       Can you visualize how high you'd have to toss a five pound weight to get it to travel fifty feet?   

       This would do more than just 'lump your face'.   

       Another highly imaginative and entirely non-bleak notion that also completely succeeds not to have an underlying theme of abuse at its enthusiastic, optimistic, joyful and ultimately hope-filled core.   

       Brilliant - keep them coming smiley-chops!
zen_tom, Aug 13 2010

       I imagine this would be a short contest, resulting in a fatal head bursting conclusion, but I could be wrong, and you could prove me wrong [vfrackis].   

       You could launch such a lump hammer into the air, then present your own head as its impact destination, whilst having a third party record the conclusion of the exercise on video.
xenzag, Aug 13 2010

       ...why not go all the way and make it a razor discus decapitator? [-]
xandram, Aug 13 2010

       What if, though, the hammer were made of spongy stuff and enormous? A couple of kilos of sponge landing on your head would be pretty harmless, wouldn't it?
nineteenthly, Aug 13 2010

       50 feet is quite a distance. Would these hammers be hurled? With practice someone strong could throw a hammer 50 feet but if I were practicing that I would also practice deflecting incoming hammers with my hammer.   

       This would make for a pretty gruelling session of thrown and deflected hammers. The only way to salvage the situation would be a team sport, which then becomes like Dodgeball.   

       It could be less terminal too: allow helmets and padding, various sizes of thrown mallets, which now are rubber and squirt a gout of paint on impact.
bungston, Aug 13 2010

       // before he has an opportunity to do the same to you //   

       But with each throw he *has* the opportunity. So, as described, the first guy gets a throw, then, if the other guy is not knocked out, the game MUST be over.   

       Thank Jeebus.
baconbrain, Aug 13 2010

       // It could be less terminal too //   

       You're no fun any more ...   

       This has all the makings of a superb Highland Games event. Violent, brutal, painful, pointless.
8th of 7, Aug 13 2010

       //lump hammer// sp. Molotov Cocktail.
FlyingToaster, Aug 13 2010

       "T'dr'duzk b'hazg t't !"   

8th of 7, Aug 13 2010

       // a superb Highland Games event //   

       I was trying really hard to not say that this would be popular with drunken Scots ....
baconbrain, Aug 13 2010

       Scots do not need to be drunk to enjoy throwing hammers at one another. Or indeed anyone else; no wonder the English ran at Bannockburn.
8th of 7, Aug 13 2010

       For this one I throw a bone. [-]
Grogster, Aug 13 2010

       //superb Highland Games event//   

       <resists posting javelin caber toss>   

       The ideal defensive implement would of course be a coal shovel.
8th of 7, Aug 14 2010

       A pistol duel with hammers instead of pistols. Or a long- range version of Irish stand-down.   

       Similar in concept to "Logic," a game in which two men (no gender-neutral pronoun, here), start at opposite ends of the playing field, and run towards each other, in a crouch, butting heads. If both are able to stand afterwards, they repeat the process, until one isn't. The winner is then challenged by someone from the crowd of onlookers.
mouseposture, Aug 14 2010

       You obviously enjoyed your stay in West Virginia, [mp].
8th of 7, Aug 14 2010

       Pistol duel is more of a Northern Virginia thing, [8th]. "Logic" and, surprisingly, "Irish stand-down" are played on entirely different planets.   

       And the West Virginians I've met haven't been particularly brutal, by the way.
mouseposture, Aug 14 2010

       Wasn't there some intellectual back in the 1800s who was challenged to a duel, and suggested blacksmiths hammers at one pace?   

       (Another guy was challenged, and suggested eating sausages, one with anthrax, one without.)   

       I have met with some great hospitality in West Virginia, by the way.
baconbrain, Aug 15 2010

       "For many years the duel fought between Sir Hierome Sankey and Sir William Petty in 1645 was without equal. The dispute arose in London over a matter of honour now lost in the mists of time. Sir Hierome was a tough character and Sir William, being of a nervous disposition, was reluctant to fight him. Since Sir Hierome had initiated the duel, Sir William had the choice of venue and weapons. Brilliantly, he chose a pitch-dark cellar and two carpenters' axes which neither of them could lift. "   

8th of 7, Aug 15 2010

       That was it. Thanks, [8th]. Even better than I remembered.
baconbrain, Aug 15 2010

       We can remember it for you wholesale.   

8th of 7, Aug 15 2010

       And from this unlikely chain of circumstances I learned that there is a remake of "Total Recall" in filming now that is scheduled to be released in the fall of 2012. That should be fun.
normzone, Sep 16 2011

       Yeah... Hollywood is going green, recycling garbage instead of just throwing it away.
Alterother, Sep 16 2011

       Hey, that started out as a Phillip K. Dick story - one of the mindfuck fiction masters.
normzone, Sep 16 2011

       // recycling garbage instead of just throwing it away //   

       That must be the reason that Leonardo di Caprio still gets work in the movies ...
8th of 7, Sep 16 2011

       [norm], nobody could be a bigger fan of Philip K. Dick than I am (well, probably _someone_ could), but the key words there are "started out as". The movie 'Johnny Mnemonic' started out as a cinematic version of the eponymous short story by William Gibson (who is also well nigh a god to me), but even Henry Rollins in 2nd male lead couldn't save that atrocity.
Alterother, Sep 16 2011


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