Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fat Baffles

keep more of yourself to yourself
  [vote for,

Everyone calls them Fat Baffles but their correct name is actually: discrete personal containment auto seat barriers

Fat Baffles are an additional feature for all aircraft seats within the main cabin. They have only one function and that is to prevent the extra bulk of obese passengers spilling into their adjacent seating spaces.

When the arm rests are lowered, the Fat Baffle can be raised from between the seats and locked into place under the arm rest. The action is similar to that of an electric window in a car. It's totally safe, and has a default retraction system for emergencies, or when the arm rest is raised.

When in place, no unwanted fatty flesh can cross the sturdy metal walls of the Fat Baffle.

'"The captain has turned on the seat belt sign, and all Fat Baffles are being auto-raised."

xenzag, May 18 2013


       If the seat next to you is unoccupied (doubtful) you could entertain yourself during flight by dicing things.
skinflaps, May 18 2013

       Very true and vertical guillotine templates suitable for dicing cucumbers etc are available on request.
xenzag, May 18 2013

       I need a picture. You say dicing, but dice is a multi-stage process which results in small square pieces, whereas slicing results in flat slices, as with a bagel guillotine.   

       I imagine the Fat Baffle as more of a guillotine, resulting in slices, so...in-flight potato crisps (chips)?!   

       Perhaps the Fat Baffle can also be used to prevent kicks from unruly children, and also act as a stabilizer for drunk passengers.
Sgt Teacup, May 18 2013

       The use of Fat Baffle as a vertical slicer is entirely skinflap's idea, and not recommended.
xenzag, May 18 2013

       //vertical guillotine templates suitable for dicing cucumbers etc are available on request. --xenzag, May 18 2013//   

       That wasn't you, [xenzag]? {cowboy sheriff voice} I coulda sworn I reddit roun' here somewheres
Sgt Teacup, May 18 2013

       Read first annotation.//you could entertain yourself during flight by dicing things. — skinflaps// I simply added to it with follow up suggestions.
xenzag, May 18 2013

       No highjack here.   

       Just mind your fingers.+
skinflaps, May 18 2013


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