Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Feature Advertisements

My computer can do many things, it should advertise to me what it can do
  [vote for,

chronological, Jan 31 2020

Who killed Clippy? https://www.theverg...ms-stickers-removal
RIP the master of unwanttelling you what Microsift does [Sgt Teacup, Jan 31 2020]

Apollo Guidance Computer - now THAT’s a real computer https://arstechnica...at-saved-apollo-14/
We don’t need no stinkin’ feature advertisements! [Chairborne Hero, Feb 01 2020]

Speed of nerve impulses https://hypertextbo...2/DavidParizh.shtml
Applicable to estimating initial time required for assimilation [Chairborne Hero, Feb 01 2020]


       Baked, then killed <link>
Sgt Teacup, Jan 31 2020

       If you need to be told, you don't deserve to know.
8th of 7, Jan 31 2020

       Baked isn't a strong enough word. Amazingly, annoyingly unoriginal?   

       Every PC, Mac, phone, and tablet I've owned in this century (and even the final decades of the previous century) gave various "Let's get you started" sequences on first sign in, and frequent pop-ups advising me how to do things. In every case, these persist until I find the most important feature - the button saying "Don't show me this again."
Chairborne Hero, Jan 31 2020

       <Notes that [C_H] is clearly not familiar with real operating systems, which are renowned for giving no obvious help whatsoever once you've got past the login: prompt, and is therefore merely a _luser/>
8th of 7, Jan 31 2020

       But just as clearly, chronological’s suggestion is aimed at the general consumer market - not what 8th thinks of as real computers or users.   

       Put a friendly interface - going as far as “feature adverts - on a Terminator, Borg, or Apollo Guidance Computer (link) - and it just wouldn’t be able to do its job.
Chairborne Hero, Feb 01 2020

       // Termintor //   

       "Suck it and see" ?   

       We envision some sort of muderous cybernetic Werther's Original...
8th of 7, Feb 01 2020

       But it could be quite appealing to a newly assimilated Borg.   

       “We hope you’ll take a nanosecond to explore the features of your monocular implant. It can also serve as a laser cutting tool!”
Chairborne Hero, Feb 01 2020

       Clearly you have failed to understand the nature and benefits of Assimilation.   

       An individual who has Become One With The Borg immediately becomes part of the Collective consciousness, with a full and complete knowledge of all the Collective's features and functions. No on-the-job training is necessary.   

       You will understand when you join with us. Resistance is Futile.
8th of 7, Feb 01 2020

       i had already assumed such Borg feature adverts would be part of the initial assimilation process, and indeed be the last time a unit would hear itself referred to as an individual "you" rather than the collective "we."   

       And while an assimilated unit may be able to communicate with the collective instantaneously, the assimilation process itself is not instantaneous. Nanoprobes need time to replicate, and the speed of light in 3-space is limited. Even a smallish human occupies a non-zero volume of space, and bringing a biological nervous system "up to speed" will take a few seconds (link)   

       And while that's happening, we hope you'll learn to enjoy the latest model manipulators that upgraded your original biological hands. These can be used for opening cat food tins. Or cats, if that's your preference.
Chairborne Hero, Feb 01 2020


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