Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fish Lifter

  [vote for,

Let's face it, it must be shit to be a salmon. Let's make the little tykes' lives easier by fitting underwater escalators at waterfalls so the journey to spawn is a little less aggravating.

Come on, kids, it'll be neato!

calum, May 20 2004

Holyoke Dam, on the Connecticut River http://www.bio.umas...onn.river/shad.html
Shad, not salmon, but same difference. [DrCurry, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Tout and Salmon Bet-and-Spawn (thanks, calum!) http://www.halfbake...mon_20Bet-and-Spawn
[Letsbuildafort] [Letsbuildafort, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Fish Elevator http://www.nu.com/a...images/fishfish.gif
The Holyoke Dam again. [DrCurry, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

The Falkirk Wheel http://www.thefalki...eel.co.uk/index.asp
Not sure if there's many fish in the Forth & Clyde, so it's more accurately described as a barge and shopping trolley lifter. [calum, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Not an escalator, but a ladder for fish http://tinyurl.com/3eass
Let the camera swing around to the right. The ladder is underneath the bridge. [Klaatu, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

On the Buses http://www.tvtome.c...ervlet/showid-5303/
//I'll get you for this Butler!// - for those confused by the obscurity of the exchange between calum and Jinbish. [DrBob, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Les Dawson http://www.bbc.co.u...8/les_dawson270.jpg
[calum, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       expending that much energy in doing something must mean that they get some enormous buzz from it but +1 for the thought though. would lazier fatter salmon taste the same?
po, May 20 2004

       Modern dams provide fish elevators so, well, Baked.
DrCurry, May 20 2004

       1. lazy fat salmon dont taste the same as anyone who has tasetd both wild and farmed salmon will tell you.   

       2. this idea is slightly baked only in a less technical way. they are called salmon ladders and are often sighted at dams, including a hydro electric dam near where I live. They incorporate a serious of concrete pools next to each other.which rise in height up to the top of the dam. The drop from one to the other is only a matter of inches. And the pools are several metres in diameter. The salmon simply make a serious of little jumps, with lots of resting period in between, instead of on all mighty leap. I'm sure this could very easily be mechanised. There are huge canal wheels on the continent, which raise huge lock gates containing barges from one height to another. A smaller version of this could be made for the king of fish I'm sure.   

       3. i dont think they get a buzz from it, i think they are just biologically driven by instinct to complete this herculean task made even more difficult be off shore net fiching and river pollution. But then nobody really knows.
etherman, May 20 2004

       etherman, I was just putting myself into the mindset of a salmon for a moment (as you do), I can imagine it is as exciting as riding a giant surf or skiing off piste. huh, no imagination some people!
po, May 20 2004

       This gives me an idea, calum. I hope you don't mind.
Letsbuildafort, May 20 2004

       Not in the least. See you there.
calum, May 20 2004

       etherman: nope, they have fish elevators as well as unpowered fish ladders -see diagram.
DrCurry, May 20 2004

       very nice.
etherman, May 20 2004

       DC, bet its one helluva letdown psychologically! oh ok I'll shut up!
po, May 20 2004

       Why don't we make really long and wide tubes exclusively for salmonto go upriver in?
schematics, May 20 2004

       po: answering your question about fat, lazy salmon: you can tell for yourself by comparing wild salmon to farm salmon; the connoisseurs prefer the wild ones. (Me, I can't tell with all that Teriyaki sauce.)
DrCurry, May 20 2004

       there are also alot of health concerns about farmed salmon. they are extremely susceptable to parasite infestation and contamination from the meal which they are fed.   

       I think there is quite a marked difference in the taste. cod farming is beginning to take off too apparently but it is much more difficult because of their canabalistic nature.
etherman, May 21 2004

elevator =/= escalator
ladder =/= escalator
==> not baked.

Farmed salmon is not as appetising as wild salmon, in much the same way that battery chicken is not as appetising as wild freshwater chicken. My wee brar works on a salmon farm and is oft complaining about the infestations and him falling into the cages with his shit encrusted wellies on.

//There are huge canal wheels on the continent, which raise huge lock gates containing barges from one height to another.//
There is one in Falkirk called, imaginatively enough, the Falkirk Wheel. >link<
calum, May 21 2004

       Y'know, farmed salmon *can* be just as nice as wild salmon - some of the fish in fish farm cages like to work out, and are quite muscly. It's just a question of avoiding the flubbery, lazy ones. I also find they taste better if they have been stolen to order.
Sanna, May 21 2004

       <aside to [calum]> : I feel mocked...
Jinbish, May 21 2004

       <humphs crossed arms against fake bosom, gurns>
calum, May 21 2004

       I'll get you for this Butler! <Wags finger in [calum]'s direction and gurns>
Jinbish, May 21 2004

       would these come with instructions for use and safety warnings they cant make store escalators safe how would they do it for salmon? maybe the escalator would simply be a giant fish scaler
shad, May 26 2004

       I hope the poor little salmons don't get their fins stuck in the escalators, or, even worse, electrocuted by underwater electrical apparati, maybe that would save people the time of frying them, but then again, it would probably lead to a steady decline in their population.   

       it seems a good idea to me - and wasn't the motivation to ease the life of the fish - which seems at odds with the discussion on how they taste.
mrmatt, May 27 2004

       Indeed! All this talk about making life easier for native salmon; We should be inventing treadmills for farmed salmon to diminish their body fat and develop firm muscle tone. Salmon treadmills could easily allow farmed salmon to be competitively priced with trolled salmon at your local fish monger.
jurist, May 27 2004

       [calum] //wild freshwater chicken//... Heh! Not to be confused, I take it , with Chicken of the Sea!
jurist, May 27 2004

       <Robert Robinson rings his bell and the next word is revealed to the audience>

RR: "Fish lifter. Over to you, DrBob, for the definition of this interesting word..."

DrBob: "Ah, yes. Now this is very interesting. ‘Fish lifter’ was a term used by the Georgian army to describe the Jacobite rebels. Hence the Duke of Cumberland-Sausage’s despairing cry to his cavalry commander as the defeated Scots, scattering, skirts a-swirling, into the hills after the little known Battle of Loch Och, paused for a moment to poach a few of the larger specimens from a nearby salmon farm. “After those damn Scottish fish lifters man! One of them’s got my wallet!”"
DrBob, May 27 2004

       Over time wouldn't there be an evolutionary effect? I always imaged that the requirement to traverse difficult obstacles in order to breed represented a selection process influencing the gene pool in favour of strong salmon. Would we really want to do away with this?   

       There is also an argument that says that making things easy for someone or something denies them the challenge which helps them feel fulfilled.
dobtabulous, May 27 2004


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